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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 428479" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Dash,</p><p></p><p>Well 44 responses to the opening post , over 700 views it seems what I write has got parents thinking a bit. I have been around since 1999 so I have got a good idea of what warrior parents are about. The mantra here is ' take what you like , if it is not your cup of tea, don't read what I write.</p><p></p><p> Ross Greene says that CPS can help adult kids. I believe that effective communication strategies can go along way in helping people. The art of communication is in the listening , focusing not on behavior but on concerns. It is not easy and I believe very few parents are skilled communicators. When kids are out of the home we have a good opportunity to improve the relationship and communication.</p><p></p><p>I am glad that what I write at least makes sense on paper, which discounts a lot of the other stuff. The problem is we are trying to parent in the midst of a battle , so we might win battles , but we will lose the war , if we don't win the hearts of our kids or at least they find ' relatedness ' with others. </p><p></p><p>'As warrior parents, we cannot simply sit back in our rocking chairs, fold our hands and listen, in a non-judgemental manner, as our kids jump from one rabbit hole of danger to another.' </p><p></p><p> - well there is very little one can do to control difficult children or any other person , so at least when a kid will seek help or advice , they might come to a parent , because there is still a relationship , they can still talk , being non-judgemental , does not mean that we agree , but at least the kid is talking and thinking. When kids think, reflect and talk , this impacts on brain growth , it might not solve the problem , but every step of the way some learning, something positive is taking place. </p><p></p><p>I asked the following questions - Can you have a conversation with the kid on general non-emotive stuff ?</p><p>Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ?</p><p>Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc </p><p></p><p>When we do this , we are teaching a lot of skills </p><p></p><p>For sure there can be a lot going around for the kid - depression, impulsiveness , bad company , lack of a supportive relationship , lacking skills etc </p><p></p><p>If autistic kids are being successfully treated with RDI , similar to CPS , an adult with problems can be helped.</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 428479, member: 10"] Dash, Well 44 responses to the opening post , over 700 views it seems what I write has got parents thinking a bit. I have been around since 1999 so I have got a good idea of what warrior parents are about. The mantra here is ' take what you like , if it is not your cup of tea, don't read what I write. Ross Greene says that CPS can help adult kids. I believe that effective communication strategies can go along way in helping people. The art of communication is in the listening , focusing not on behavior but on concerns. It is not easy and I believe very few parents are skilled communicators. When kids are out of the home we have a good opportunity to improve the relationship and communication. I am glad that what I write at least makes sense on paper, which discounts a lot of the other stuff. The problem is we are trying to parent in the midst of a battle , so we might win battles , but we will lose the war , if we don't win the hearts of our kids or at least they find ' relatedness ' with others. 'As warrior parents, we cannot simply sit back in our rocking chairs, fold our hands and listen, in a non-judgemental manner, as our kids jump from one rabbit hole of danger to another.' - well there is very little one can do to control difficult children or any other person , so at least when a kid will seek help or advice , they might come to a parent , because there is still a relationship , they can still talk , being non-judgemental , does not mean that we agree , but at least the kid is talking and thinking. When kids think, reflect and talk , this impacts on brain growth , it might not solve the problem , but every step of the way some learning, something positive is taking place. I asked the following questions - Can you have a conversation with the kid on general non-emotive stuff ? Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ? Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc When we do this , we are teaching a lot of skills For sure there can be a lot going around for the kid - depression, impulsiveness , bad company , lack of a supportive relationship , lacking skills etc If autistic kids are being successfully treated with RDI , similar to CPS , an adult with problems can be helped. Allan [/QUOTE]
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