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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 428516" data-attributes="member: 59"><p><strong>1. Can you have a conversation with the kid on general non-emotional stuff?</strong></p><p></p><p>Absolutely. Most of our conversations are non-emo stuff. We talk a lot in this family. We watch the news and read the newspaper. We talk about currenty affairs and local happenings. We talk about their friends and what they are doing and how their day went. We talk about many many things, we are involved parentys. Of course when difficult child is in the active stage of addiction we don't talk about anything because you can't talk to an addict.</p><p></p><p><strong>2. Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ?</strong></p><p></p><p>Again we do this all the time just in general conversation. Wer give our thoughts and opinions on a great variety of things. Of course they are free to take our perspective and for the most part easy child does, even if she doesn;t agree. difficult child infrequently takes our perspective because being an addict she wants to do what she wants wehen she wants and she knows we don't approve.</p><p></p><p><strong>3. Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc</strong></p><p></p><p>We also do this all the time. This of course goes back to the emotional stuff category. We talk a great deal about what maeks us happy and sad and frustrated. You don;t go through parent sunday for 8 weeks at rehab and not learn how to tell what's in your gut. But irregardless of that, we are a family that talks about our feelings and shares when we are upset and tries to give each other comfort and understanding.</p><p></p><p>I think all of this is just natural family behavior and find it hard most functioning families dont; have thse conversations. If they don't it's pretty obvious where the dysfunction comes from in my opinion. So where doers that leave us? </p><p></p><p>This goes back to my comment about her psychiatrist who on paper was a genious but when he talked to her he tried to convince her she needed a passion, as if that were going to solve all her character flaws and addictions. Yes of course, if a well adjusted person finds a passion in life they are more likely to find happiness and if a non well adjusted person finds a passion they may see the light, but you don't find a passion by someone telling you to do that. We spent thousands of dollars and years giving our difficult child every opportunity available in hopes she would find a passion. I can't even begin to tell you the activities we tried to get her involved in and the people we tried to get her involved with to mentor her. None of that works until that person is mature enough or has hit rock bottom enough to want to listen.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 428516, member: 59"] [B]1. Can you have a conversation with the kid on general non-emotional stuff?[/B] Absolutely. Most of our conversations are non-emo stuff. We talk a lot in this family. We watch the news and read the newspaper. We talk about currenty affairs and local happenings. We talk about their friends and what they are doing and how their day went. We talk about many many things, we are involved parentys. Of course when difficult child is in the active stage of addiction we don't talk about anything because you can't talk to an addict. [B]2. Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ?[/B] Again we do this all the time just in general conversation. Wer give our thoughts and opinions on a great variety of things. Of course they are free to take our perspective and for the most part easy child does, even if she doesn;t agree. difficult child infrequently takes our perspective because being an addict she wants to do what she wants wehen she wants and she knows we don't approve. [B]3. Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc[/B] We also do this all the time. This of course goes back to the emotional stuff category. We talk a great deal about what maeks us happy and sad and frustrated. You don;t go through parent sunday for 8 weeks at rehab and not learn how to tell what's in your gut. But irregardless of that, we are a family that talks about our feelings and shares when we are upset and tries to give each other comfort and understanding. I think all of this is just natural family behavior and find it hard most functioning families dont; have thse conversations. If they don't it's pretty obvious where the dysfunction comes from in my opinion. So where doers that leave us? This goes back to my comment about her psychiatrist who on paper was a genious but when he talked to her he tried to convince her she needed a passion, as if that were going to solve all her character flaws and addictions. Yes of course, if a well adjusted person finds a passion in life they are more likely to find happiness and if a non well adjusted person finds a passion they may see the light, but you don't find a passion by someone telling you to do that. We spent thousands of dollars and years giving our difficult child every opportunity available in hopes she would find a passion. I can't even begin to tell you the activities we tried to get her involved in and the people we tried to get her involved with to mentor her. None of that works until that person is mature enough or has hit rock bottom enough to want to listen. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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