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Post Rehab, Brother 31, Living at Home Doping, Mom Enabling. Family Split. point of view: Concerned Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 700705" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome and thank you for sharing.</p><p></p><p>Here are my thoughts on your situation. It is my guess that your mom may be harboring guilt in that her son did not grow up to be a responsible adult and the fact that she is a psychologist may compound this. It's as if she is bound and determined to set the record straight that she is a good mother and will prove through her efforts that she can fix your brother.</p><p></p><p>A mother's guilt coupled with the love for her child is a powerful force of nature. I have learned that difficult adult children can tap into that force and use it to their advantage.</p><p></p><p>I am not a psychologist but will venture to say that your mom and brother have one of the worst cases of co-dependency.</p><p></p><p>I truly appreciate how hard this is for you to witness. You clearly see that your brother is taking complete advantage of your parents and while your father does not like it, they both are allowing it. That being said, your dad seams to have some what of a level head in that he can see this isn't healthy. I would suggest that you have a chat with him away from the house. Here are some things you might consider discussing with him if you haven't already. I would preface it with your concern for his well being and that you are not just being noisy.</p><p>How are your finances?</p><p>Does brother have any access to your money that you are aware of?</p><p>Does mom have access to all your accounts? (if so, this can be dangerous as brother could talk her into giving him money)</p><p>Where is brother getting money to spend on his drugs and fireworks?</p><p>Does brother know yours and moms social security numbers, bank account numbers, pin numbers, etc....?</p><p>Are these things kept where he can snoop and find them?</p><p>Do you and mom and have a will?</p><p>Who it the executor?</p><p>Are there any guns in the home?</p><p>If something were to happen to you and mom what do you think will happen to brother? (our parents won't be around forever)</p><p></p><p>I think you can see where I am going with these questions.</p><p></p><p>Something else you might want to mention to your dad is if for any reason the police would be called to their home and they find drugs, your mom and dad may be held accountable and not your brother.</p><p></p><p>One thing I know for sure, the more you try and get your mom to "see" how unhealthy this is, the more she will dig her heals in to prove you wrong.</p><p></p><p>The best thing you can do for yourself is to detach. We have no control over what others do, the only control we have is how we choose to respond.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are going through this but I'm glad you found us here.</p><p></p><p>Please let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you...................................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 700705, member: 18516"] Welcome and thank you for sharing. Here are my thoughts on your situation. It is my guess that your mom may be harboring guilt in that her son did not grow up to be a responsible adult and the fact that she is a psychologist may compound this. It's as if she is bound and determined to set the record straight that she is a good mother and will prove through her efforts that she can fix your brother. A mother's guilt coupled with the love for her child is a powerful force of nature. I have learned that difficult adult children can tap into that force and use it to their advantage. I am not a psychologist but will venture to say that your mom and brother have one of the worst cases of co-dependency. I truly appreciate how hard this is for you to witness. You clearly see that your brother is taking complete advantage of your parents and while your father does not like it, they both are allowing it. That being said, your dad seams to have some what of a level head in that he can see this isn't healthy. I would suggest that you have a chat with him away from the house. Here are some things you might consider discussing with him if you haven't already. I would preface it with your concern for his well being and that you are not just being noisy. How are your finances? Does brother have any access to your money that you are aware of? Does mom have access to all your accounts? (if so, this can be dangerous as brother could talk her into giving him money) Where is brother getting money to spend on his drugs and fireworks? Does brother know yours and moms social security numbers, bank account numbers, pin numbers, etc....? Are these things kept where he can snoop and find them? Do you and mom and have a will? Who it the executor? Are there any guns in the home? If something were to happen to you and mom what do you think will happen to brother? (our parents won't be around forever) I think you can see where I am going with these questions. Something else you might want to mention to your dad is if for any reason the police would be called to their home and they find drugs, your mom and dad may be held accountable and not your brother. One thing I know for sure, the more you try and get your mom to "see" how unhealthy this is, the more she will dig her heals in to prove you wrong. The best thing you can do for yourself is to detach. We have no control over what others do, the only control we have is how we choose to respond. I am so sorry you are going through this but I'm glad you found us here. Please let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) to you................................... [/QUOTE]
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