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<blockquote data-quote="vanessablock" data-source="post: 712863" data-attributes="member: 21875"><p>So sorry to read your story. We are in a very similar situation like a lot of parents. I feel hopeless sometimes but I do my best to protect my son. He is now 18 and will have to face responsibilities for his own behavior.</p><p>I did my mom's above and beyond job with him. He started being in trouble since he turned 12 years old basically. He always had a difficult personality. His father and I are divorced since he is 5 but I got remarried a few years after.</p><p>He didn't have a good relationship with his dad and left his house as soon as he turned 13 to live with me full time.</p><p>His step dad and I took care of him since.</p><p>One day the principal of the middle school called to tell me about a post on Social media concerning my son and drugs. They searched his locker but didn't find anything. He was only 12. Shorty after I found pot in his room. I just threw it away. He wanted to call the cleaning lady I remember. He didn't know it was me who found it.</p><p>I didn't want to confront him yet but told him that if we ever found drugs in our home he will lose his beloved phone and all his privileges. I did the same to motivate him to get better grades. And it worked!</p><p>He signed up for water polo with his younger brother and played through junior varsity.</p><p>The only time he got in trouble was with his friends skating in the neighborhood too late at night. My fault...I allowed sleep overs.</p><p>Then he turned 16 and wanted a car. I told him the only way to get a car is to work.</p><p>He got a job and I opened a bank account under his name linked to mine. That way I monitored every transactions on his account. I helped him with the car down payment and the assurance. He also got a second part time job to pay for gas.</p><p>I got him a credit card as an authorized user to pay for all the mistakes he made. Trashing the house with friends while we were away, parking tickets,towing company,car accidents broken phones,etc..</p><p>He paid everything back.(I am his personal secretary)</p><p>I did not allow him to get cash after I found some weird smelly liquid and marijuana in his car as I suspected he was getting drugs that way.</p><p>I made sure to keep his car spears key with me. I also checked for drugs in his car regularly.</p><p>Of course he stopped playing waterpolo and did gain a lot of weight. I found out later that some substance abuse can make you crave for sugar.</p><p>He managed to keep some decent grades but not good enough for college. I had to pay a fortune for him to get some help at a college tutoring program. This was the best investment I made with my son so far.</p><p>He was accepted to all the colleges he applied to and can go to the college of his choice now.</p><p>Now that we paid for a tuxedo and prom, grad nite etc... and that we assume he is going to take care his loan for college we hope for the best.</p><p>I know it's not over. He still lies. He still smokes and drinks. He can't wake up in the morning. He is messy and desorganized.</p><p>I pray that one day he will realize that drinking and smoking is irresponsible and dangerous.</p><p>When he goes to college soon I will be paying for his phone so I know where he is at all time (with the find my phone app).</p><p>I just hope that he will not get into trouble while driving until then. (No need to drive in college)</p><p>I also worry about him doing more drugs and more drinking in the future. There is nothing else I can do at this point. He thinks he is doing fine.</p><p>He will have to learn the hard way...</p><p>I realize I gave my son too much freedom thinking he will be a wise and grateful son.</p><p>I made a big mistake. He was not ready to be independent.</p><p>When it's Mother's Day I don't expect anything like a card or flowers or even a thank you for everything I do. I can only be desappointed.</p><p>Thank god for my youngest son. He is so much better too deal with. I couldn't handle a second headache!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="vanessablock, post: 712863, member: 21875"] So sorry to read your story. We are in a very similar situation like a lot of parents. I feel hopeless sometimes but I do my best to protect my son. He is now 18 and will have to face responsibilities for his own behavior. I did my mom's above and beyond job with him. He started being in trouble since he turned 12 years old basically. He always had a difficult personality. His father and I are divorced since he is 5 but I got remarried a few years after. He didn't have a good relationship with his dad and left his house as soon as he turned 13 to live with me full time. His step dad and I took care of him since. One day the principal of the middle school called to tell me about a post on Social media concerning my son and drugs. They searched his locker but didn't find anything. He was only 12. Shorty after I found pot in his room. I just threw it away. He wanted to call the cleaning lady I remember. He didn't know it was me who found it. I didn't want to confront him yet but told him that if we ever found drugs in our home he will lose his beloved phone and all his privileges. I did the same to motivate him to get better grades. And it worked! He signed up for water polo with his younger brother and played through junior varsity. The only time he got in trouble was with his friends skating in the neighborhood too late at night. My fault...I allowed sleep overs. Then he turned 16 and wanted a car. I told him the only way to get a car is to work. He got a job and I opened a bank account under his name linked to mine. That way I monitored every transactions on his account. I helped him with the car down payment and the assurance. He also got a second part time job to pay for gas. I got him a credit card as an authorized user to pay for all the mistakes he made. Trashing the house with friends while we were away, parking tickets,towing company,car accidents broken phones,etc.. He paid everything back.(I am his personal secretary) I did not allow him to get cash after I found some weird smelly liquid and marijuana in his car as I suspected he was getting drugs that way. I made sure to keep his car spears key with me. I also checked for drugs in his car regularly. Of course he stopped playing waterpolo and did gain a lot of weight. I found out later that some substance abuse can make you crave for sugar. He managed to keep some decent grades but not good enough for college. I had to pay a fortune for him to get some help at a college tutoring program. This was the best investment I made with my son so far. He was accepted to all the colleges he applied to and can go to the college of his choice now. Now that we paid for a tuxedo and prom, grad nite etc... and that we assume he is going to take care his loan for college we hope for the best. I know it's not over. He still lies. He still smokes and drinks. He can't wake up in the morning. He is messy and desorganized. I pray that one day he will realize that drinking and smoking is irresponsible and dangerous. When he goes to college soon I will be paying for his phone so I know where he is at all time (with the find my phone app). I just hope that he will not get into trouble while driving until then. (No need to drive in college) I also worry about him doing more drugs and more drinking in the future. There is nothing else I can do at this point. He thinks he is doing fine. He will have to learn the hard way... I realize I gave my son too much freedom thinking he will be a wise and grateful son. I made a big mistake. He was not ready to be independent. When it's Mother's Day I don't expect anything like a card or flowers or even a thank you for everything I do. I can only be desappointed. Thank god for my youngest son. He is so much better too deal with. I couldn't handle a second headache! [/QUOTE]
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