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Substance Abuse
Prayers needed
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 733486" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>You and your son have been in my prayers too, Trying. </p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is not to check on them or analyze their action or non-action in hopes of second-guessing. I did it many times myself. Gently I suggest to you that you both would be better off if you stopped. It violates his privacy and it drives you nuts. You can't put together this puzzle with a few random pieces.</p><p></p><p>It was nice of you to make efforts to get him out and about, and maybe when he's ready he might go. I think you drive yourself crazy when you expect him to follow up on your email immediately. Right now he is probably licking his wounds from the breakup. He is probably not up for anything much more than that, especially when the undercurrent of the suggestion was to quit drinking before he could go. I would imagine that got his back up. Maybe he might be more amenable to our secret "mom" tools of getting them excited about something without their realizing we are doing it?</p><p></p><p>Congratulations to your daughter. What a wonderful achievement for her! Yes, put your focus on her celebration right now; this is HER time!</p><p></p><p>Then put the focus back on you. What are you doing for yourself? Focus on that, on how you can find peace even when he is struggling. </p><p></p><p>Find ways to distract yourself from his situation, like a good book or a walk in the woods or some "retail therapy" or whatever you enjoy. Make a date night with your husband, no talk about son allowed.</p><p></p><p>Meditate for 15 minutes and return to the breath every time son crosses your mind. All 10 million of them.</p><p></p><p>Give your son to God as many times a day as you need to. Have faith in His timing.</p><p></p><p>Are you going to Al-Anon or counseling? I think it's very important for you as well, to be around others in your situation and to see how others are stepping off the hamster wheel.</p><p></p><p>I do know how very, very hard it is not to fixate on fixing. You can't fix this, Trying. If it could be fixed, none of us would be here. The only thing you can fix is how you respond.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 733486, member: 17720"] You and your son have been in my prayers too, Trying. I know how hard it is not to check on them or analyze their action or non-action in hopes of second-guessing. I did it many times myself. Gently I suggest to you that you both would be better off if you stopped. It violates his privacy and it drives you nuts. You can't put together this puzzle with a few random pieces. It was nice of you to make efforts to get him out and about, and maybe when he's ready he might go. I think you drive yourself crazy when you expect him to follow up on your email immediately. Right now he is probably licking his wounds from the breakup. He is probably not up for anything much more than that, especially when the undercurrent of the suggestion was to quit drinking before he could go. I would imagine that got his back up. Maybe he might be more amenable to our secret "mom" tools of getting them excited about something without their realizing we are doing it? Congratulations to your daughter. What a wonderful achievement for her! Yes, put your focus on her celebration right now; this is HER time! Then put the focus back on you. What are you doing for yourself? Focus on that, on how you can find peace even when he is struggling. Find ways to distract yourself from his situation, like a good book or a walk in the woods or some "retail therapy" or whatever you enjoy. Make a date night with your husband, no talk about son allowed. Meditate for 15 minutes and return to the breath every time son crosses your mind. All 10 million of them. Give your son to God as many times a day as you need to. Have faith in His timing. Are you going to Al-Anon or counseling? I think it's very important for you as well, to be around others in your situation and to see how others are stepping off the hamster wheel. I do know how very, very hard it is not to fixate on fixing. You can't fix this, Trying. If it could be fixed, none of us would be here. The only thing you can fix is how you respond. [/QUOTE]
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