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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 378148" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>I deeply appreciate everyone's kindness and continuing support. Am so upset tonight I can't sleep ... difficult child 1 and girlfriend had to make some decisions today about funeral arrangements. It turns out that girlfriend and her mother had it in mind to have the baby sent to another state to be buried; the mother was really bullying difficult child 1 about it. We had them over to talk so as to be able to support difficult child 1 and hear what the mother had to say. When the mother found out that we would not be writing a blank check to fund everything she had in mind (she doesn't intend to contribute at all but had some very extravagant ideas), she and girlfriend insisted on cremation. girlfriend's idea is that the town where we live 'killed her baby' and she refuses to consider burial here. While I understand that she's upset, she also has completely ignored difficult child 1's thoughts and feelings about plans. She changed her ideas from wanting the baby laid to rest in her home state, to saying she 'wants the baby with her' wherever she goes. She latched onto this idea and abandoned the idea of burial anywhere, even her original plan. </p><p></p><p>Cremation is forbidden by our faith, for various reasons. difficult child 1 knows that and asked if there aren't exceptions in certain circumstances (there really aren't) but the bottom line is that girlfriend and her mother will do what they want. I have not let difficult child 1 know how much this upsets me as he's between a rock and a hard place, and this is not my decision to make. But I'm sitting here tonight unable to sleep. It feels like this is the final, crowning, worst thing that could happen. I realize that many people accept this practice and I don't mean any insult to anyone. I have to support difficult child 1 but don't know how I'm going to get through this.</p><p></p><p>Another thing - they decided to change the original name they had selected and have given the baby the same name as my daughter's. Somehow it makes the whole cremation issue feel worse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 378148, member: 2884"] I deeply appreciate everyone's kindness and continuing support. Am so upset tonight I can't sleep ... difficult child 1 and girlfriend had to make some decisions today about funeral arrangements. It turns out that girlfriend and her mother had it in mind to have the baby sent to another state to be buried; the mother was really bullying difficult child 1 about it. We had them over to talk so as to be able to support difficult child 1 and hear what the mother had to say. When the mother found out that we would not be writing a blank check to fund everything she had in mind (she doesn't intend to contribute at all but had some very extravagant ideas), she and girlfriend insisted on cremation. girlfriend's idea is that the town where we live 'killed her baby' and she refuses to consider burial here. While I understand that she's upset, she also has completely ignored difficult child 1's thoughts and feelings about plans. She changed her ideas from wanting the baby laid to rest in her home state, to saying she 'wants the baby with her' wherever she goes. She latched onto this idea and abandoned the idea of burial anywhere, even her original plan. Cremation is forbidden by our faith, for various reasons. difficult child 1 knows that and asked if there aren't exceptions in certain circumstances (there really aren't) but the bottom line is that girlfriend and her mother will do what they want. I have not let difficult child 1 know how much this upsets me as he's between a rock and a hard place, and this is not my decision to make. But I'm sitting here tonight unable to sleep. It feels like this is the final, crowning, worst thing that could happen. I realize that many people accept this practice and I don't mean any insult to anyone. I have to support difficult child 1 but don't know how I'm going to get through this. Another thing - they decided to change the original name they had selected and have given the baby the same name as my daughter's. Somehow it makes the whole cremation issue feel worse. [/QUOTE]
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