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Privacy and going public....rewards and risks.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654506" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I just read the conductdisorders privacy reminder and it could not have been more opportune. I am a new member (less than a week) and am finding great wisdom and solace in this community. I am having some fear, however. We feel great intimacy with each other, revealing what we most often fear to reveal to others....and at the same time give up control over our intimate experience for others to perceive, use or misuse as they see fit. I am reminded by the recent experience of someone on this site whose family members were mocking postings; I can imagine there are voyeurs or even researchers...or writers who find a treasure trove of experience and wisdom. They do not have to ask for consent or request permission. There exists no copyright or authorization process. There are predators out there.</p><p></p><p>At first when I thought about it my sense was this: I am a transparent person. How is this different from writing memoir or autobiography. You write and share to achieve understanding....and you let it go. Just as in our personal life transactions we cannot control how others respond.</p><p></p><p>But now I am thinking differently. Lately in my life I am feeling very, very vulnerable in most interactions outside of a few people (my boyfriend, a couple of his family members, my son, and my religious community. Almost everybody else, I fear when I share something true about my pain and vulnerability I fear rejection and judgment, or even, when I risk reaching out to be a friend or to be social in anything but a casual interaction--I fear rejection. </p><p></p><p>For example, I invited a new acquaintance to lunch. We talked and talked. When when got to the second glass of wine (a mistake) both of us got teary. This scared her, I think. When she got home she wrote an email to me to question whether we were talking <em><u>too much.</u></em> I could not figure out whether she felt uncomfortable with the fact that I was vulnerable or that she was. But I <strong><em>FELT </em></strong>as if it was me----like I am wearing a scarlet letter of grief and regret and vulnerability.</p><p></p><p>When I asked my boyfriend he said it is <u><strong>us</strong></u>, that we have been going through so much: his parents, my son, my mother and sister...it is kind of like we are blood in the water, to other people and to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I agree. But here I am on this site revealing everything, fearlessly, NOT UNDERSTANDING or not accepting the potential consequences and risks. The privacy advisory addresses risks to our children. But what about to ourselves? I want to think about this upfront. </p><p></p><p>Part of what I see as the mission of this community is consciousness before rather than later. It is that I want to achieve. There is more I want to add, specifics about my situation...but I would like to start a dialog first.</p><p></p><p>Here is a bit of the privacy advisory, for those who have not seen it, that particular struck me.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em><strong><u>While you may feel like a small family here, in reality our forum is viewed by hundreds of people each day, many of whom you've never had any personal or online interaction with. Whatever you post here is searchable by google and other search engines. </u></strong></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>COPA</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Read more: <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/important-privacy-reminder.45501/#ixzz3XbQQPIrZ" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/important-privacy-reminder.45501/#ixzz3XbQQPIrZ</a></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654506, member: 18958"] I just read the conductdisorders privacy reminder and it could not have been more opportune. I am a new member (less than a week) and am finding great wisdom and solace in this community. I am having some fear, however. We feel great intimacy with each other, revealing what we most often fear to reveal to others....and at the same time give up control over our intimate experience for others to perceive, use or misuse as they see fit. I am reminded by the recent experience of someone on this site whose family members were mocking postings; I can imagine there are voyeurs or even researchers...or writers who find a treasure trove of experience and wisdom. They do not have to ask for consent or request permission. There exists no copyright or authorization process. There are predators out there. At first when I thought about it my sense was this: I am a transparent person. How is this different from writing memoir or autobiography. You write and share to achieve understanding....and you let it go. Just as in our personal life transactions we cannot control how others respond. But now I am thinking differently. Lately in my life I am feeling very, very vulnerable in most interactions outside of a few people (my boyfriend, a couple of his family members, my son, and my religious community. Almost everybody else, I fear when I share something true about my pain and vulnerability I fear rejection and judgment, or even, when I risk reaching out to be a friend or to be social in anything but a casual interaction--I fear rejection. For example, I invited a new acquaintance to lunch. We talked and talked. When when got to the second glass of wine (a mistake) both of us got teary. This scared her, I think. When she got home she wrote an email to me to question whether we were talking [I][U]too much.[/U][/I] I could not figure out whether she felt uncomfortable with the fact that I was vulnerable or that she was. But I [B][I]FELT [/I][/B]as if it was me----like I am wearing a scarlet letter of grief and regret and vulnerability. When I asked my boyfriend he said it is [U][B]us[/B][/U], that we have been going through so much: his parents, my son, my mother and sister...it is kind of like we are blood in the water, to other people and to ourselves. I agree. But here I am on this site revealing everything, fearlessly, NOT UNDERSTANDING or not accepting the potential consequences and risks. The privacy advisory addresses risks to our children. But what about to ourselves? I want to think about this upfront. Part of what I see as the mission of this community is consciousness before rather than later. It is that I want to achieve. There is more I want to add, specifics about my situation...but I would like to start a dialog first. Here is a bit of the privacy advisory, for those who have not seen it, that particular struck me. [I] [B][U]While you may feel like a small family here, in reality our forum is viewed by hundreds of people each day, many of whom you've never had any personal or online interaction with. Whatever you post here is searchable by google and other search engines. [/U][/B] COPA Read more: [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/important-privacy-reminder.45501/#ixzz3XbQQPIrZ[/URL][/I] [/QUOTE]
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