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Problems with 19 Year Old Son
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<blockquote data-quote="PittDoraj" data-source="post: 493850" data-attributes="member: 13500"><p>Thank you for your quick responses and well wishes. I believe the comments about 'self-medication' and depression are accurate. I will try to capture some of the history:</p><p>He started showing signs of 'rebelling' when he was in 9th or 10th grade. At that point we caught him forging notes in order to skip school. We had him talk to some counselors at that point. We went through the 11th and 12th grade years living with episodes of alcohol, pot, and anti social behavior, but I assumed it was kind of typical high school boy stuff. By end of his senior year he was dating a girl seriously and he escalated his pot smoking and was sneaking alcohol to his room. We would find bottles of beer, wine, etc. in his room. He was either stealing it from us, our neighbor, or taking our money to buy on his own. He agreed to go into an out-patient AA type program and he attended for a few weeks. Late that year he broke up with his girlfriend and by the time he realized that was a mistake it was too late. She told us she was tired of putting up with his **** and was moving on. This sent him into his first obvious depressive state and led to his first stay at the psychiatric ward. They set up a dual treatment plan but my son did not attend. After a couple of months of continuing issues he agreed to see a therapist on a weekly basis. After a couple of months we received a few bills for missed appointments. He had pretended to go to those appointments but did not. He then went to college a couple of hours away and we all hoped for a fresh start. This led to the more recent episodes including the more recent psychiatric ward stay. Upon his return and the first round of stealing of our credit cards my wife met with his therapist and my son together. It became clear that the therapist was in the dark on many of the actions and told my son he could not help him.</p><p></p><p>Yes, he has signed the waiver so we can talk to his current therapist. </p><p></p><p>Here is my summary of his personality - which has been discussed and confirmed with the therapist. 1) He is an extremely good liar. And will lie about something even when faced with overwhelming evidence that he is the culprit. The last therapist conceded that he had been fooled by my sons deception. 2) He is only concerned about the next few hours of his life. He does drugs or alcohol to make himself feel better, he steals to buy video games because it helps him escape, I believe he uses sex for the same reason (he has bragged about his exploits with girls) and had himself tested for STD's recently, 3) he is depressed (he posts on facebook about how he lost the "perfect" girl and will never be happy. In addition to this he tells me that he sleeps in because he would rather be dreaming than be awake. His therapist has told my wife that we can expect him to end up in jail and/or an escalated suicide attempt in order to get our attention if we press charges or kick him out. His therapist has summarized my son as being extremely smart with cynical ideas about the world that someone his age should not yet have - however he has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. I think this is a good assessment. (I should also add that all his doctors have told me that he is not an alcoholic or drug addict. He is an abuser to 'self medicate'). In the meantime I am still waiting on a real treatment plan. I would send him to some sort of rehab or mental health facility but I don't know how to make it happen when he is not an immediate threat to himself, not diagnosed as a alcoholic or drug addict, and is unwilling to go himself. But now the problem at home has escalated to a point that is unbearable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PittDoraj, post: 493850, member: 13500"] Thank you for your quick responses and well wishes. I believe the comments about 'self-medication' and depression are accurate. I will try to capture some of the history: He started showing signs of 'rebelling' when he was in 9th or 10th grade. At that point we caught him forging notes in order to skip school. We had him talk to some counselors at that point. We went through the 11th and 12th grade years living with episodes of alcohol, pot, and anti social behavior, but I assumed it was kind of typical high school boy stuff. By end of his senior year he was dating a girl seriously and he escalated his pot smoking and was sneaking alcohol to his room. We would find bottles of beer, wine, etc. in his room. He was either stealing it from us, our neighbor, or taking our money to buy on his own. He agreed to go into an out-patient AA type program and he attended for a few weeks. Late that year he broke up with his girlfriend and by the time he realized that was a mistake it was too late. She told us she was tired of putting up with his **** and was moving on. This sent him into his first obvious depressive state and led to his first stay at the psychiatric ward. They set up a dual treatment plan but my son did not attend. After a couple of months of continuing issues he agreed to see a therapist on a weekly basis. After a couple of months we received a few bills for missed appointments. He had pretended to go to those appointments but did not. He then went to college a couple of hours away and we all hoped for a fresh start. This led to the more recent episodes including the more recent psychiatric ward stay. Upon his return and the first round of stealing of our credit cards my wife met with his therapist and my son together. It became clear that the therapist was in the dark on many of the actions and told my son he could not help him. Yes, he has signed the waiver so we can talk to his current therapist. Here is my summary of his personality - which has been discussed and confirmed with the therapist. 1) He is an extremely good liar. And will lie about something even when faced with overwhelming evidence that he is the culprit. The last therapist conceded that he had been fooled by my sons deception. 2) He is only concerned about the next few hours of his life. He does drugs or alcohol to make himself feel better, he steals to buy video games because it helps him escape, I believe he uses sex for the same reason (he has bragged about his exploits with girls) and had himself tested for STD's recently, 3) he is depressed (he posts on facebook about how he lost the "perfect" girl and will never be happy. In addition to this he tells me that he sleeps in because he would rather be dreaming than be awake. His therapist has told my wife that we can expect him to end up in jail and/or an escalated suicide attempt in order to get our attention if we press charges or kick him out. His therapist has summarized my son as being extremely smart with cynical ideas about the world that someone his age should not yet have - however he has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. I think this is a good assessment. (I should also add that all his doctors have told me that he is not an alcoholic or drug addict. He is an abuser to 'self medicate'). In the meantime I am still waiting on a real treatment plan. I would send him to some sort of rehab or mental health facility but I don't know how to make it happen when he is not an immediate threat to himself, not diagnosed as a alcoholic or drug addict, and is unwilling to go himself. But now the problem at home has escalated to a point that is unbearable. [/QUOTE]
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