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Problems with 19 Year Old Son
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 493854" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Hello and welcome. I am sorry that you are in this position and understand your turmoil from a been there done that perspective. This is not an easy place to be as a parent. I get that, really, but you say you have him on parent imposed "house arest" Then you said that you sleep on the sofa but he still gets out. You changed your credit cards but he still steals the info and uses it. Who is actually on "house arest here? If you look closely you will see that it is you. Your wife seems more ready than you to put him out. While I totally support her in that I will say that you both need to be on the same page for any of this to work. </p><p></p><p>I let my verbally abusive, destructive, subsance abusing, lying, stealing, difficult child son stay with me while trying to get him help. He played the suicide card a couple of times. They were not serious attempts and he never stayed with any help program we provided for him. Then one fateful evening while out on bail for burgulary (we posted bond) he attacked me and broke my rib. He did this because husband and I refused to let him go to a Christmas party that was to be held after town curfew and which alcohol and drugs would be present. I called the cops immediately after the attack and asked them to take difficult child#2 to the hospital for evaluation. They did (after much convincing on my part) but instead of staying there as the doctors recommended, difficult child#2 signed himself out and went to the party. That sealed his fate. We had his bail revoked because we could not control his actions and could not afford the liability. Hard for us as he was on the streeds in the biter cold. We were so sad and worried. He was picked up by police about a week later and went to jail. We then hired lawyers and got him into a court ordered Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which he walked away from. We got him into another and he left that one too after using junk and alcohol and busting up the place. He went to jail for a year and a half then got out after timing out on his sentance. He went into another program left that, lived in a shelter for a while but left when they gave him chores to do. Moved from one relationship to another. He sweet talked himself into caring poeple's homes and lives. He plaedy on people's sympathies, telling one lie after another and slandering husband and I to make them fell sorry for him and they would tak him in... Untill they got to know the real him and kicked him out. It was drama after drama and we continued to try to help him but he would not help himself... untill we had enough. He currently is in prison for hitting his then girlfriend in the face and breaking her nose then taking her car and driving while drunk and without a licence. Thankfully the police ought him before he did any more damage. That was when we stopped trying to help him. i could not bear that he had done that to this girl and mother of a small child. difficult child continued his disrespect for the law by <em><strong><u>not</u></strong></em> showing up for <em><strong><u>two</u></strong></em> court dates and then with his new girlfriend committed another petty theft while waiting to go to court for his priors. When he finally got to court (after being arrested for the new theft) the judge looked at his history and sentenced him to seven years. He is eligible for parole in July. We worried that he would end up dead of either an attack by another inmate or suicide but he is doing ok (for being in prison). </p><p></p><p>I tell you my story because I want to drive home the point that <strong><em><u>you cannot help someone who will not help themselves</u></em></strong>. Your son is headed nowhere good. He laughs at your attempts to rein him in. He has no respect for your efforts or your possessions. At this time he does not meet the criteria for involuntary commitment. For that reason he must hit bottom before he will want to change. He will not hit bottom if you keep holdng him up. Harsh words to hear when you are so raw with feelings and I am truly sorry for that. I really do understand. I felt that I had to do everything I could do to try to help my son so I would never have any "what ifs". It cost me dearly emotionally, physically, mentally and financially (0ver 50K). My health suffered irreversible damage and I still suffer some minor PSTD symptoms primarily from the assault, but also from the abuse and emotion trauma he inflicte on me. Members of my family also suffered from his drama and still struggle with risidual effects. </p><p></p><p>This is where yor life could go. You are dealing with a drug user's mentality right now. He is refusing help and holding you hostage to his whims. Until he wants help and works at changing; this is where your life will stay unless you yourself change. It is all you can do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 493854, member: 2315"] Hello and welcome. I am sorry that you are in this position and understand your turmoil from a been there done that perspective. This is not an easy place to be as a parent. I get that, really, but you say you have him on parent imposed "house arest" Then you said that you sleep on the sofa but he still gets out. You changed your credit cards but he still steals the info and uses it. Who is actually on "house arest here? If you look closely you will see that it is you. Your wife seems more ready than you to put him out. While I totally support her in that I will say that you both need to be on the same page for any of this to work. I let my verbally abusive, destructive, subsance abusing, lying, stealing, difficult child son stay with me while trying to get him help. He played the suicide card a couple of times. They were not serious attempts and he never stayed with any help program we provided for him. Then one fateful evening while out on bail for burgulary (we posted bond) he attacked me and broke my rib. He did this because husband and I refused to let him go to a Christmas party that was to be held after town curfew and which alcohol and drugs would be present. I called the cops immediately after the attack and asked them to take difficult child#2 to the hospital for evaluation. They did (after much convincing on my part) but instead of staying there as the doctors recommended, difficult child#2 signed himself out and went to the party. That sealed his fate. We had his bail revoked because we could not control his actions and could not afford the liability. Hard for us as he was on the streeds in the biter cold. We were so sad and worried. He was picked up by police about a week later and went to jail. We then hired lawyers and got him into a court ordered Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which he walked away from. We got him into another and he left that one too after using junk and alcohol and busting up the place. He went to jail for a year and a half then got out after timing out on his sentance. He went into another program left that, lived in a shelter for a while but left when they gave him chores to do. Moved from one relationship to another. He sweet talked himself into caring poeple's homes and lives. He plaedy on people's sympathies, telling one lie after another and slandering husband and I to make them fell sorry for him and they would tak him in... Untill they got to know the real him and kicked him out. It was drama after drama and we continued to try to help him but he would not help himself... untill we had enough. He currently is in prison for hitting his then girlfriend in the face and breaking her nose then taking her car and driving while drunk and without a licence. Thankfully the police ought him before he did any more damage. That was when we stopped trying to help him. i could not bear that he had done that to this girl and mother of a small child. difficult child continued his disrespect for the law by [I][B][U]not[/U][/B][/I] showing up for [I][B][U]two[/U][/B][/I] court dates and then with his new girlfriend committed another petty theft while waiting to go to court for his priors. When he finally got to court (after being arrested for the new theft) the judge looked at his history and sentenced him to seven years. He is eligible for parole in July. We worried that he would end up dead of either an attack by another inmate or suicide but he is doing ok (for being in prison). I tell you my story because I want to drive home the point that [B][I][U]you cannot help someone who will not help themselves[/U][/I][/B]. Your son is headed nowhere good. He laughs at your attempts to rein him in. He has no respect for your efforts or your possessions. At this time he does not meet the criteria for involuntary commitment. For that reason he must hit bottom before he will want to change. He will not hit bottom if you keep holdng him up. Harsh words to hear when you are so raw with feelings and I am truly sorry for that. I really do understand. I felt that I had to do everything I could do to try to help my son so I would never have any "what ifs". It cost me dearly emotionally, physically, mentally and financially (0ver 50K). My health suffered irreversible damage and I still suffer some minor PSTD symptoms primarily from the assault, but also from the abuse and emotion trauma he inflicte on me. Members of my family also suffered from his drama and still struggle with risidual effects. This is where yor life could go. You are dealing with a drug user's mentality right now. He is refusing help and holding you hostage to his whims. Until he wants help and works at changing; this is where your life will stay unless you yourself change. It is all you can do. [/QUOTE]
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