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Problems with 19 Year Old Son
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<blockquote data-quote="PittDoraj" data-source="post: 493878" data-attributes="member: 13500"><p>Each of your stories sound so similar and I can see our situation heading down the same path.</p><p></p><p>Let me give some more background to answer some questions and an update since we are in a dynamic situation.</p><p></p><p>First he is taking Celexa - 40mg. I suffer from depression and have been on Celexa for years. My issues are related to feelings of inadequacies. After a couple of years of therapy and the Celexa I have been in a much better frame of mind. It has been about 5 years now. </p><p></p><p>Second, he has never been violent. The only time we had any physical event was when I lost my cool and grabbed him after he told me to f'off or when my daughter (his sister) slapped him due to her losing her cool. In each case he did not attempt to hit back.</p><p></p><p>Last week, while visiting my in-laws we had an 'episode' where he took beer from my brother-in-law and stashed it in a bathroom in order to drink later. After confronting him we had a major family blow-up. The relevant part is that my daughter (now 22, home after college while she prepares to go to law school) reached a breaking point with him. She got physical with him again (tried to slap him but she is not physically able to hurt anything) and she said some pretty mean things ('wish you were dead', 'why don't you leave', etc.). After two days of uneasy calm, and a lot of thinking, I put forward a plan to my son. I proposed to help him find a job, help him find some freelance photography/art work, looking into getting him an art show, and set up a budget to lead to his independent living situation. In return he had to continue through therapy evaluation and follow through with the plan. But most importantly I told him I needed "honesty and integrity" from him. He read the plan (8 pages in length) and came to me with a hug, thank you, and an "I love you". This was 24 hours before he stole my wife's credit card number.</p><p></p><p>This morning I woke him around 1130 and told him that, since he made it clear to me that he was not able or willing to follow a plan towards a safe and healthy independence, he either 1) needed to acknowledge he had a problem seeing things beyond a few hours and he would get help OR 2) he and I would have to move out together (my wife's suggestion since I seem unwilling to recognize the situation) OR 3) he would have to move out on his own. </p><p></p><p>He chose to leave and has since left the house with a small bag of clothes. We offered to give him his phone if we verified deletion of the photo(s) he took of my wife's credit card. That created a shouting match and he left without the phone.</p><p></p><p>My current feeling is that he will come back in a day or so. But I am scared. I can see him hurting himself or moving in with one of his drug friends - eventually leading to a life of drugs and in/out of jail. Perhaps I pushed him too hard this morning but I also need to save my sanity, my marriage, and my daughter deserves a reasonable living situation as well.</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much. It gives me such comfort to have people to 'talk to'.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PittDoraj, post: 493878, member: 13500"] Each of your stories sound so similar and I can see our situation heading down the same path. Let me give some more background to answer some questions and an update since we are in a dynamic situation. First he is taking Celexa - 40mg. I suffer from depression and have been on Celexa for years. My issues are related to feelings of inadequacies. After a couple of years of therapy and the Celexa I have been in a much better frame of mind. It has been about 5 years now. Second, he has never been violent. The only time we had any physical event was when I lost my cool and grabbed him after he told me to f'off or when my daughter (his sister) slapped him due to her losing her cool. In each case he did not attempt to hit back. Last week, while visiting my in-laws we had an 'episode' where he took beer from my brother-in-law and stashed it in a bathroom in order to drink later. After confronting him we had a major family blow-up. The relevant part is that my daughter (now 22, home after college while she prepares to go to law school) reached a breaking point with him. She got physical with him again (tried to slap him but she is not physically able to hurt anything) and she said some pretty mean things ('wish you were dead', 'why don't you leave', etc.). After two days of uneasy calm, and a lot of thinking, I put forward a plan to my son. I proposed to help him find a job, help him find some freelance photography/art work, looking into getting him an art show, and set up a budget to lead to his independent living situation. In return he had to continue through therapy evaluation and follow through with the plan. But most importantly I told him I needed "honesty and integrity" from him. He read the plan (8 pages in length) and came to me with a hug, thank you, and an "I love you". This was 24 hours before he stole my wife's credit card number. This morning I woke him around 1130 and told him that, since he made it clear to me that he was not able or willing to follow a plan towards a safe and healthy independence, he either 1) needed to acknowledge he had a problem seeing things beyond a few hours and he would get help OR 2) he and I would have to move out together (my wife's suggestion since I seem unwilling to recognize the situation) OR 3) he would have to move out on his own. He chose to leave and has since left the house with a small bag of clothes. We offered to give him his phone if we verified deletion of the photo(s) he took of my wife's credit card. That created a shouting match and he left without the phone. My current feeling is that he will come back in a day or so. But I am scared. I can see him hurting himself or moving in with one of his drug friends - eventually leading to a life of drugs and in/out of jail. Perhaps I pushed him too hard this morning but I also need to save my sanity, my marriage, and my daughter deserves a reasonable living situation as well. Thank you so much. It gives me such comfort to have people to 'talk to'. [/QUOTE]
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