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Parent Emeritus
Problems with adult adoptive sons
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 643141" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think you are making a great start. Naming the feelings is the hardest part, and you have done that in detail without leaving out or dressing up any of the hurt parts. I would be angry, too. You have reason. Now that you know how and why the anger exists, you can work on accepting it until you can just say, "Oh. There is just my anger roaring around in here."</p><p></p><p>And then, you can practice just letting go of it.</p><p></p><p>Just let it go.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing else to be done.</p><p></p><p>Angry feelings roaring around in our heads or telling ourselves again and again how unfair this or that was is self-destructive. (I am intimately familiar with self destructive anger. That's how I know this.) We have been hurt enough. Wherever we can, we need to stop justifying hurting ourselves because we are disappointed in someone else. No one can say what the boys are thinking, which are the issues they are resolving, or whether they are just jerky, selfish kids. Ultimately, none of that matters.</p><p></p><p>You matter.</p><p></p><p>I have to work so hard to identify and let go of my anger, too.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, it's the only thing holding me up.</p><p></p><p>The pain of what is has to be acknowledged before we can heal it. I think you are doing well with that. I am glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 643141, member: 17461"] I think you are making a great start. Naming the feelings is the hardest part, and you have done that in detail without leaving out or dressing up any of the hurt parts. I would be angry, too. You have reason. Now that you know how and why the anger exists, you can work on accepting it until you can just say, "Oh. There is just my anger roaring around in here." And then, you can practice just letting go of it. Just let it go. There is nothing else to be done. Angry feelings roaring around in our heads or telling ourselves again and again how unfair this or that was is self-destructive. (I am intimately familiar with self destructive anger. That's how I know this.) We have been hurt enough. Wherever we can, we need to stop justifying hurting ourselves because we are disappointed in someone else. No one can say what the boys are thinking, which are the issues they are resolving, or whether they are just jerky, selfish kids. Ultimately, none of that matters. You matter. I have to work so hard to identify and let go of my anger, too. Sometimes, it's the only thing holding me up. The pain of what is has to be acknowledged before we can heal it. I think you are doing well with that. I am glad you are here with us. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Problems with adult adoptive sons
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