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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 729044" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>At 20 your son is a legal adult which presents you with both challenges and opportunities.</p><p></p><p>The challenge is that he is not obligated to accept your parenting, your expectations, and your rules.</p><p></p><p>The opportunity is that you and your husband are not obligated to accept behavior that you deem unacceptable.</p><p></p><p>Of course there is a great deal of gray area between these two extremes.</p><p></p><p>Is there a chance your son is grappling with mental illness? Sometimes this can strike (cruelly) at around age 18 which is when you say he began to go downhill. The marijuana use could be his attempt to self-medicate feelings of anxiety, for example. Does he see a therapist?</p><p></p><p>You mention your sister has schizophrenia - this is an illness with a strong genetic component and it often strikes during this age. Not saying your son has this illness - just something to consider.</p><p></p><p>You are perfectly within your rights to tell him he cannot live with you any longer, if he is not meeting the expectations you have for this arrangement. If you have not explicitly told your son that you expect him to meet certain expectations, such as re-enrolling in school, or being evaluated by a psychiatrist for example, you may wish to have that conversation and then set a hard deadline for him to achieve it. </p><p></p><p>Best of luck, please keep us posted!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 729044, member: 13303"] At 20 your son is a legal adult which presents you with both challenges and opportunities. The challenge is that he is not obligated to accept your parenting, your expectations, and your rules. The opportunity is that you and your husband are not obligated to accept behavior that you deem unacceptable. Of course there is a great deal of gray area between these two extremes. Is there a chance your son is grappling with mental illness? Sometimes this can strike (cruelly) at around age 18 which is when you say he began to go downhill. The marijuana use could be his attempt to self-medicate feelings of anxiety, for example. Does he see a therapist? You mention your sister has schizophrenia - this is an illness with a strong genetic component and it often strikes during this age. Not saying your son has this illness - just something to consider. You are perfectly within your rights to tell him he cannot live with you any longer, if he is not meeting the expectations you have for this arrangement. If you have not explicitly told your son that you expect him to meet certain expectations, such as re-enrolling in school, or being evaluated by a psychiatrist for example, you may wish to have that conversation and then set a hard deadline for him to achieve it. Best of luck, please keep us posted! [/QUOTE]
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