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Parent Emeritus
Put the detachment in motion - and the gaslighting begins.
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 699882" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>What an ugly series of messages from your adult daughter. People do not have the right to lash out that way.</p><p>I agree that disengaging and not responding is the healthiest thing to do here, especially as you have gone round this wheel before and know how it goes (you placate and persuade, she softens, you give her what she wants and all is off crisis mode till next time the wheel turns).</p><p>My initial reaction was to flash back to when my daughter (NOT my Difficult Child, although she had a good run at competing for that role) accused me in a teenage fight with me of being toxic. It took the wind right out of me..I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. Somehow I managed to respond with "if that is true then your best hope of a good life is to figure out how to not let my toxicity poison you. Your happiness lies in your own hands."</p><p>I still think that is true. When our Difficult Child's start blaming us for ruining our lives, that is a place to go to. If we are toxic, if we ruined them, then their path is to find a way to protect themselves from us as best they can. Good luck with that.</p><p>My second reaction is that you might do what I often do, which is hit delete. If you feel you need a copy to refer to, print it and hide it so you can't pore over it. I delete all kinds of unpleasant things from my text and phone. I don't like to see it there. I don't like it to catch my eye when I'm looking at something else. I like deleting it. Try it!</p><p>My third reaction..you are strong and brave and doing really really well. And you got some great advice. Hold firm. See where this goes. There is a lot of time for it to play out. You do NOT need to respond to her in anyway. </p><p>Good luck, I will hold you in my heart and head.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 699882, member: 17269"] What an ugly series of messages from your adult daughter. People do not have the right to lash out that way. I agree that disengaging and not responding is the healthiest thing to do here, especially as you have gone round this wheel before and know how it goes (you placate and persuade, she softens, you give her what she wants and all is off crisis mode till next time the wheel turns). My initial reaction was to flash back to when my daughter (NOT my Difficult Child, although she had a good run at competing for that role) accused me in a teenage fight with me of being toxic. It took the wind right out of me..I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. Somehow I managed to respond with "if that is true then your best hope of a good life is to figure out how to not let my toxicity poison you. Your happiness lies in your own hands." I still think that is true. When our Difficult Child's start blaming us for ruining our lives, that is a place to go to. If we are toxic, if we ruined them, then their path is to find a way to protect themselves from us as best they can. Good luck with that. My second reaction is that you might do what I often do, which is hit delete. If you feel you need a copy to refer to, print it and hide it so you can't pore over it. I delete all kinds of unpleasant things from my text and phone. I don't like to see it there. I don't like it to catch my eye when I'm looking at something else. I like deleting it. Try it! My third reaction..you are strong and brave and doing really really well. And you got some great advice. Hold firm. See where this goes. There is a lot of time for it to play out. You do NOT need to respond to her in anyway. Good luck, I will hold you in my heart and head. [/QUOTE]
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Put the detachment in motion - and the gaslighting begins.
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