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Question about Bipolar
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742953" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There are similarities in our situations. My 30 year old son is adopted, and biracial. While I am not biracial, we look like we could be mother and son. His birth parents had mental health diagnoses, but I always hoped they were secondary to drug use.</p><p></p><p>He has been angry and bitter too. At me. There was nothing in our relationship as he was growing up to engender this kind of anger. We had a loving relationship and he flourished. I was beyond mystified and dismayed when he could no longer sustain a loving relationship to me.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this: we as adoptive parents catch all of the anger that they feel for the birth parents who they feel abandoned them. My own son feels abused by his bio-parents who used drugs. He felt they damaged him in utero. He hates them. But they are not here for him to express these emotions to real people. I am here. And so I became the target.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing fair about this. Nothing logical.</p><p></p><p>He has an emotional need to feel these feelings. And he needs a target. You are there.</p><p></p><p>As far as diagnosing bipolar on the basis of what you read or because a therapist says it sounds like it, I would be careful. That his mother was bipolar is important but not definitive. </p><p></p><p>I guess I would say this even though you did not ask: You need to insulate yourselves from his mistreatment of you. Nothing at all is gained by letting him use you as a target. You will never get him to see what he does not want to see. He is doing this because it functions for him. He will hold onto this thought pattern as long as he needs it.</p><p></p><p>We are the ones who need to hold onto the truth about our lives with our children. It is very hard, I know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742953, member: 18958"] There are similarities in our situations. My 30 year old son is adopted, and biracial. While I am not biracial, we look like we could be mother and son. His birth parents had mental health diagnoses, but I always hoped they were secondary to drug use. He has been angry and bitter too. At me. There was nothing in our relationship as he was growing up to engender this kind of anger. We had a loving relationship and he flourished. I was beyond mystified and dismayed when he could no longer sustain a loving relationship to me. The thing is this: we as adoptive parents catch all of the anger that they feel for the birth parents who they feel abandoned them. My own son feels abused by his bio-parents who used drugs. He felt they damaged him in utero. He hates them. But they are not here for him to express these emotions to real people. I am here. And so I became the target. There is nothing fair about this. Nothing logical. He has an emotional need to feel these feelings. And he needs a target. You are there. As far as diagnosing bipolar on the basis of what you read or because a therapist says it sounds like it, I would be careful. That his mother was bipolar is important but not definitive. I guess I would say this even though you did not ask: You need to insulate yourselves from his mistreatment of you. Nothing at all is gained by letting him use you as a target. You will never get him to see what he does not want to see. He is doing this because it functions for him. He will hold onto this thought pattern as long as he needs it. We are the ones who need to hold onto the truth about our lives with our children. It is very hard, I know. [/QUOTE]
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