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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 682172" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>They sure do. I spent most of my career working in prisons. I was never sure if prisons pulled for professionals who were punitive or if it was the press of the environment that made them so.</p><p>In my work I am much like you. I have never verbalized those words but I seem to act from them. Because of this I am easy to be with. Just that, seems freeing. People so want to be accepted and cared for.</p><p>I disagree wholeheartedly and wonder why this friend would say such a thing to you. I mean, it is not as if you could go back 2 dozen years and have a do over.</p><p></p><p>I wonder if this person was thinking of the "laissez faire" parenting style or I think there is one called "inconsistent." Or maybe they are one and the same, who knows. This was a research study that was done by somebody I think was named Mary Ainsworth.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: We can only do as well as we can. When we know better, we do better. You, me, everybody. What does judgment or self-judgment do to change anything? Not much if anything at all.</p><p></p><p>I really, really reject this person's view of things, even though I am sure she/he is quite learned and intelligent. It seems they missed the lesson on tact and kindness and compassion.</p><p>Or maybe it is this too.</p><p></p><p>Many people (myself included for a time, I regret) tend to believe that there is a correct road to live that if followed will lead to a golden result: happiness, riches, love, esteem.</p><p></p><p>We believe it because that is what we learn in our society. It is a central belief and has been for a long-time here in the US, and maybe in the West, generally.</p><p></p><p>It is not true, this belief. It is a fantasy that if you do right it will turn out right. Or the converse, if it turns out wrong, you must have done wrong.</p><p></p><p>This is a twisted consequence of an individualist ideology, I believe. Your friend (and myself, regrettably), probably both of us bought in too much to that ideology--hook, line and sinker.</p><p></p><p>While I am grateful to have my career and profession, it has not made me either happy, rich, or loved. Esteemed, occasionally. But I would rather be loved, content and with a life rich in intangibles.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 682172, member: 18958"] They sure do. I spent most of my career working in prisons. I was never sure if prisons pulled for professionals who were punitive or if it was the press of the environment that made them so. In my work I am much like you. I have never verbalized those words but I seem to act from them. Because of this I am easy to be with. Just that, seems freeing. People so want to be accepted and cared for. I disagree wholeheartedly and wonder why this friend would say such a thing to you. I mean, it is not as if you could go back 2 dozen years and have a do over. I wonder if this person was thinking of the "laissez faire" parenting style or I think there is one called "inconsistent." Or maybe they are one and the same, who knows. This was a research study that was done by somebody I think was named Mary Ainsworth. But the thing is this: We can only do as well as we can. When we know better, we do better. You, me, everybody. What does judgment or self-judgment do to change anything? Not much if anything at all. I really, really reject this person's view of things, even though I am sure she/he is quite learned and intelligent. It seems they missed the lesson on tact and kindness and compassion. Or maybe it is this too. Many people (myself included for a time, I regret) tend to believe that there is a correct road to live that if followed will lead to a golden result: happiness, riches, love, esteem. We believe it because that is what we learn in our society. It is a central belief and has been for a long-time here in the US, and maybe in the West, generally. It is not true, this belief. It is a fantasy that if you do right it will turn out right. Or the converse, if it turns out wrong, you must have done wrong. This is a twisted consequence of an individualist ideology, I believe. Your friend (and myself, regrettably), probably both of us bought in too much to that ideology--hook, line and sinker. While I am grateful to have my career and profession, it has not made me either happy, rich, or loved. Esteemed, occasionally. But I would rather be loved, content and with a life rich in intangibles. COPA [/QUOTE]
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