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Reaching out just in case...
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 708901" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Bluebell, I do have SADD, as does my sister and my daughter. My mother was one of the first people enrolled in the light box trials back in the 70's. The lights do help, as do all the other known things...outdoors, exercise, awareness, etc. It is hard though, and you are right, every year I am surprised at how very very bad March is. I always have the idea it is nearly over and yet...</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you, RE, for reminding me of the Middle Way. I can keep my balance there. Having you with me has been a significant piece of this journey.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So very very true. I had to pause for a moment and try to remember who wrote that...but it is possible that several of us have written that or something like it. It is indeed his story, not mine. I'll try to hold that clear in the coming days.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>my family sings this before we sit down for Thanksgiving each year. I think there are slight variations, but we sing "I once was lost, but now I'm found...was blind, but now I see." It always brings tears to my eyes.</p><p></p><p>Right now I am about avoiding regret. There has been an epidemic of heroin overdose deaths in my fair city, as in so many places in the US. Since his MO is to walk from these (unlocked) placements, then fall through the circles of hell, to end up once again buying heroin on the most post-apocalyptic streets of our town, I am reasonably afraid that he could die. With that in mind, I don't want him to feel that I abandoned him in the last days of his life. This is for me, not for him. So I popped on over to his treatment center with a bag of toiletries..I actually saw him in the hallway in his hospital johnnie. I thought I would also go buy him some clothes, but I find that each time I think of the work of that, and the fact that the last 5 times he has left his treatment center before I even had a chance to get there with clothes, I feel bile rise in my throat...so...focusing on "helping" vs "enabling", the fact that that makes me feel agitated must mean it is enabling. So I will not do that. But here the FOG kicks in and I think...he said that he hates having nothing at these places. What if my bringing him clothes is the thing that makes him stay? I will blame myself if I don't do it and he leaves.</p><p></p><p>But RIGHT THERE I can see it makes no sense. My bringing clothes cannot make or break his commitment. It is not on me. It is, as he rightly says, on him.</p><p></p><p>Those are my thoughts for the day. They may have changed by tonight. </p><p></p><p>Echo.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 708901, member: 17269"] Bluebell, I do have SADD, as does my sister and my daughter. My mother was one of the first people enrolled in the light box trials back in the 70's. The lights do help, as do all the other known things...outdoors, exercise, awareness, etc. It is hard though, and you are right, every year I am surprised at how very very bad March is. I always have the idea it is nearly over and yet... Thank you, RE, for reminding me of the Middle Way. I can keep my balance there. Having you with me has been a significant piece of this journey. So very very true. I had to pause for a moment and try to remember who wrote that...but it is possible that several of us have written that or something like it. It is indeed his story, not mine. I'll try to hold that clear in the coming days. my family sings this before we sit down for Thanksgiving each year. I think there are slight variations, but we sing "I once was lost, but now I'm found...was blind, but now I see." It always brings tears to my eyes. Right now I am about avoiding regret. There has been an epidemic of heroin overdose deaths in my fair city, as in so many places in the US. Since his MO is to walk from these (unlocked) placements, then fall through the circles of hell, to end up once again buying heroin on the most post-apocalyptic streets of our town, I am reasonably afraid that he could die. With that in mind, I don't want him to feel that I abandoned him in the last days of his life. This is for me, not for him. So I popped on over to his treatment center with a bag of toiletries..I actually saw him in the hallway in his hospital johnnie. I thought I would also go buy him some clothes, but I find that each time I think of the work of that, and the fact that the last 5 times he has left his treatment center before I even had a chance to get there with clothes, I feel bile rise in my throat...so...focusing on "helping" vs "enabling", the fact that that makes me feel agitated must mean it is enabling. So I will not do that. But here the FOG kicks in and I think...he said that he hates having nothing at these places. What if my bringing him clothes is the thing that makes him stay? I will blame myself if I don't do it and he leaves. But RIGHT THERE I can see it makes no sense. My bringing clothes cannot make or break his commitment. It is not on me. It is, as he rightly says, on him. Those are my thoughts for the day. They may have changed by tonight. Echo. [/QUOTE]
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