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Reaching out just in case...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709139" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It really is a head scratcher. I think there is compartmentalization going on in them. I think they area always trying to negotiate their best deal.</p><p></p><p>Like on Priceline where the price chopper picture comes on, with the words, <em>we're busy negotiating the best deal for you.</em></p><p></p><p>I think your son was busy negotiating his best deal--but he knows from experience which hotels will price chop more. You have taught him Echo that you have no give, based upon his sad and hysterical (and lying) words. That you stay centered in your own truth and hold your boundaries. Your hotel gives no stellar deals. You hold your prices and your amenities steady.</p><p></p><p>This example is proof positive how detachment works. You hold steady state and he draws upon that piece of himself, that compartment, where empathy and accountability resides. Because he can be that person. and that is the person you insist upon, in your interactions. The others, his father, the PO, have not learned that lesson.</p><p></p><p>I think your son is at heart the person he shows you--but he is also the other people, too, depending upon who he can "work". It is like M tells my son over and over again: <em>the only one on whom your lies work is on you. You're the only one who believes them. You are cheating yourself.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>When you think about it, this is what character is, (and its absence.) Not psychoanalytic character--but that too, maybe)--but I prefer to think about it as character in the sense that is built throughout the lifetime as personal accountability, responsibility, integrity and consistency.</p><p></p><p>Your son is very young, still. His male brain is probably one of those that do not begin to begin working that good, until age 27 or 28. I have seen it with my own eyes. The change from one year to the next. How more cylinders begin to work and they catch a clue. If they live that long.</p><p></p><p>When your son is challenged to be his best self, he can do it. It is just that he still prefers (or feels he must) rely on his bag of tricks.</p><p></p><p>What real choice do you have, but to let him be, insist upon integrity with you...and let him go to do his thing....</p><p></p><p>My stomach is in knots. I feel like my guts churn acid. I am back in bed. I am desolate. That is the alternate. I do not recommend it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709139, member: 18958"] It really is a head scratcher. I think there is compartmentalization going on in them. I think they area always trying to negotiate their best deal. Like on Priceline where the price chopper picture comes on, with the words, [I]we're busy negotiating the best deal for you.[/I] I think your son was busy negotiating his best deal--but he knows from experience which hotels will price chop more. You have taught him Echo that you have no give, based upon his sad and hysterical (and lying) words. That you stay centered in your own truth and hold your boundaries. Your hotel gives no stellar deals. You hold your prices and your amenities steady. This example is proof positive how detachment works. You hold steady state and he draws upon that piece of himself, that compartment, where empathy and accountability resides. Because he can be that person. and that is the person you insist upon, in your interactions. The others, his father, the PO, have not learned that lesson. I think your son is at heart the person he shows you--but he is also the other people, too, depending upon who he can "work". It is like M tells my son over and over again: [I]the only one on whom your lies work is on you. You're the only one who believes them. You are cheating yourself. [/I] When you think about it, this is what character is, (and its absence.) Not psychoanalytic character--but that too, maybe)--but I prefer to think about it as character in the sense that is built throughout the lifetime as personal accountability, responsibility, integrity and consistency. Your son is very young, still. His male brain is probably one of those that do not begin to begin working that good, until age 27 or 28. I have seen it with my own eyes. The change from one year to the next. How more cylinders begin to work and they catch a clue. If they live that long. When your son is challenged to be his best self, he can do it. It is just that he still prefers (or feels he must) rely on his bag of tricks. What real choice do you have, but to let him be, insist upon integrity with you...and let him go to do his thing.... My stomach is in knots. I feel like my guts churn acid. I am back in bed. I am desolate. That is the alternate. I do not recommend it. [/QUOTE]
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