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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 766121" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Copa,</p><p>Yes the pivot. </p><p></p><p>Right now I see her street “boyfriend” as a huge block to her follow through. He is abusive, but she will make excuses for him. He prevented her from completing her antibiotic treatment for her last leg infection by taking her phone. He was at the hospital when I visited and of course, I don’t like him at all. To say the least.</p><p></p><p>I have thought for many years that she needed advocacy not only due to her meth use, history of countless situations with abusive men and more recently, her hospitalizations. Unfortunately, the nurses and docs don’t see it that way. As long as she is able to prove competency, (whatever the measurement for that is, I think the bar is set quite low) she has “freedom of choice”. I am reminded that<em> I have no control over her choices.</em> So as the thoughts swirl round in my head exacerbated by this newfound medical issue, I am resigned to take baby steps, day by day and be there for her and just love her. It is so easy to get caught up in a maelstrom of emotions and get swept away with what ifs and so on. That leads me to the edge and I can’t function, can’t make rational decisions. Start failing physically, mentally and spiritually. So I suppose “the pivot” applies to me as well. I have pivoted from the old me and the old initial reactions turned to rescue mode. Along the way I have pivoted back and forth. I have learned through the years that rescue mode has never worked, yet, that pattern still lingers in the back of my mind, trying to tiptoe to the forefront with fear, obligation and guilt, beckoning. The whole “lest I grow cold” conundrum, “I have to do something”, “I am her mother.” Or “Things will be different this time, it’s life or death.” Or, “How could I let her go back to the streets in this condition?” Frankly, I will always be a “recovering enabler”. I cannot coerce, plead or force my two waywards into a lifestyle I so wish for them, hoped and dreamed for them, even in a life or death struggle. I can only pray. </p><p></p><p>People do stop meth. There is hope. But, it has always been and will be her choice whether to quit, or not. That is the harsh reality. She has to choose better, in order to live. All I can do for now, is to be present and loving, and assist in whatever way is feasible without slipping into attachment and enabling. She could pivot, and I pray daily that she will.</p><p>Thank you Copa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 766121, member: 19522"] Hi Copa, Yes the pivot. Right now I see her street “boyfriend” as a huge block to her follow through. He is abusive, but she will make excuses for him. He prevented her from completing her antibiotic treatment for her last leg infection by taking her phone. He was at the hospital when I visited and of course, I don’t like him at all. To say the least. I have thought for many years that she needed advocacy not only due to her meth use, history of countless situations with abusive men and more recently, her hospitalizations. Unfortunately, the nurses and docs don’t see it that way. As long as she is able to prove competency, (whatever the measurement for that is, I think the bar is set quite low) she has “freedom of choice”. I am reminded that[I] I have no control over her choices.[/I] So as the thoughts swirl round in my head exacerbated by this newfound medical issue, I am resigned to take baby steps, day by day and be there for her and just love her. It is so easy to get caught up in a maelstrom of emotions and get swept away with what ifs and so on. That leads me to the edge and I can’t function, can’t make rational decisions. Start failing physically, mentally and spiritually. So I suppose “the pivot” applies to me as well. I have pivoted from the old me and the old initial reactions turned to rescue mode. Along the way I have pivoted back and forth. I have learned through the years that rescue mode has never worked, yet, that pattern still lingers in the back of my mind, trying to tiptoe to the forefront with fear, obligation and guilt, beckoning. The whole “lest I grow cold” conundrum, “I have to do something”, “I am her mother.” Or “Things will be different this time, it’s life or death.” Or, “How could I let her go back to the streets in this condition?” Frankly, I will always be a “recovering enabler”. I cannot coerce, plead or force my two waywards into a lifestyle I so wish for them, hoped and dreamed for them, even in a life or death struggle. I can only pray. People do stop meth. There is hope. But, it has always been and will be her choice whether to quit, or not. That is the harsh reality. She has to choose better, in order to live. All I can do for now, is to be present and loving, and assist in whatever way is feasible without slipping into attachment and enabling. She could pivot, and I pray daily that she will. Thank you Copa [/QUOTE]
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