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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 766496" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Midst,</p><p>I apologize for taking so long to respond. Welcome to CD, but so sorry for your need to be here. It has been a lifeline for me to be able to reach out to others who understand the journey.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for what you have been through and the situation you are dealing with now. We have similar stories, but I have not had the task of raising my grandchild from birth. That is an extremely difficult thing to do, but a blessing also.</p><p></p><p>Oh my. I am glad he is in remission, but sorry for what you both must have endured. All while raising your grandchild. What strength you both have. I am on my own cancer journey and that was a wake up call to take more time to look after my own health needs.</p><p></p><p>Oh no. I walked this road Midst. My Tornado became pregnant while on the streets five years ago. We reconnected when she was forced into rehab (it was either jail, or rehab), then relapsed when baby was three months old. I got the call from the social worker on Mother’s Day, she wanted me to take in my daughter and grandson and I had to say no. It was the most heartbreaking ordeal, but it was the right choice. My grandbaby went to emergency foster care, then my youngest daughter stepped in to raise him. He is going to be four and is a joy, but also a challenge as he is somewhat affected by the drug exposure while inutero.</p><p>Honestly, to this day, I still struggle with my decision. I still feel as you do, that I have to explain and justify why I didn’t just take them both in. Not only to others, but to myself. But, I know deep down it was the right choice. A hard choice, but the right one.</p><p>Easier for me to say, because my youngest stepped in and fostered and adopted my grandson. I wonder if in your state, if your grandbaby went into foster care, you would have grandparents rights? If you could visit?</p><p></p><p>I’m hoping this would be an option for you. If that would be your preference.</p><p></p><p>I hope that your visit with the therapist brought you some comfort. It is a difficult road we all travel, dealing with addicted love ones. We do have to make hard choices to ensure that we are healthy. It is not selfish, it is reality. There are good people out there who foster. They have the energy and wherewithal to care for a newborn.</p><p></p><p>Oh this is a hard one, Midst. I held my grandson as a newborn and loved him instantly. How I cried when I heard myself tell the social worker no. No. No, I can’t house my daughter, or care for my grandson. I had health issues, long covid and arthritis and knew that I would have to rely heavily on my granddaughter to help, which was unfair to her. I also knew that my daughter would not follow rules at home, and I was not going to go down that rabbit hole again. Oh, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope that your hubs and therapist are able to help you with whatever decision you make.</p><p></p><p>How well I know all the feelings that go hand in hand with this. I am still angry with my daughter for exposing my grandson to drugs while pregnant. For relapsing after his birth, for endangering him. He had no say. An innocent. Meth is a soul snatcher. I’m sure my two had mental health issues before meth, the drug just added to that. On top of that, the rabbit hole we all fall in to while trying to figure out how to live our own lives and draw the line between love and enabling. The work it takes to set boundaries and respond sanely in such bizarre circumstances.</p><p>It is heart wrenching when grands are involved. We are only human, can only do so much. We must know our limitations.</p><p>Know that you are not alone. This is an awesome site to come to for help, guidance, support, just to write out your thoughts. It is like a journal that responds. You may want to start your own post, as more will see it and share their thoughts. </p><p>For me, most of what I write to others is a reminder to me of what I need to work on. That is to realize that we are important too, we have worth and value. As parents, we spent years sacrificing ourselves for our children’s needs. Recognizing our needs and caring for ourselves is not selfish, it is self love. How we wish our adult children would learn and practice taking care of themselves, making better choices. We need to do that to. I think you know this and have done some hard inner work realizing you cannot raise another grandchild. It’s okay Midst, that is what is right for you, your husband and your grandson in your care.</p><p>Much love and hugs to you.</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 766496, member: 19522"] Hello Midst, I apologize for taking so long to respond. Welcome to CD, but so sorry for your need to be here. It has been a lifeline for me to be able to reach out to others who understand the journey. I am sorry for what you have been through and the situation you are dealing with now. We have similar stories, but I have not had the task of raising my grandchild from birth. That is an extremely difficult thing to do, but a blessing also. Oh my. I am glad he is in remission, but sorry for what you both must have endured. All while raising your grandchild. What strength you both have. I am on my own cancer journey and that was a wake up call to take more time to look after my own health needs. Oh no. I walked this road Midst. My Tornado became pregnant while on the streets five years ago. We reconnected when she was forced into rehab (it was either jail, or rehab), then relapsed when baby was three months old. I got the call from the social worker on Mother’s Day, she wanted me to take in my daughter and grandson and I had to say no. It was the most heartbreaking ordeal, but it was the right choice. My grandbaby went to emergency foster care, then my youngest daughter stepped in to raise him. He is going to be four and is a joy, but also a challenge as he is somewhat affected by the drug exposure while inutero. Honestly, to this day, I still struggle with my decision. I still feel as you do, that I have to explain and justify why I didn’t just take them both in. Not only to others, but to myself. But, I know deep down it was the right choice. A hard choice, but the right one. Easier for me to say, because my youngest stepped in and fostered and adopted my grandson. I wonder if in your state, if your grandbaby went into foster care, you would have grandparents rights? If you could visit? I’m hoping this would be an option for you. If that would be your preference. I hope that your visit with the therapist brought you some comfort. It is a difficult road we all travel, dealing with addicted love ones. We do have to make hard choices to ensure that we are healthy. It is not selfish, it is reality. There are good people out there who foster. They have the energy and wherewithal to care for a newborn. Oh this is a hard one, Midst. I held my grandson as a newborn and loved him instantly. How I cried when I heard myself tell the social worker no. No. No, I can’t house my daughter, or care for my grandson. I had health issues, long covid and arthritis and knew that I would have to rely heavily on my granddaughter to help, which was unfair to her. I also knew that my daughter would not follow rules at home, and I was not going to go down that rabbit hole again. Oh, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope that your hubs and therapist are able to help you with whatever decision you make. How well I know all the feelings that go hand in hand with this. I am still angry with my daughter for exposing my grandson to drugs while pregnant. For relapsing after his birth, for endangering him. He had no say. An innocent. Meth is a soul snatcher. I’m sure my two had mental health issues before meth, the drug just added to that. On top of that, the rabbit hole we all fall in to while trying to figure out how to live our own lives and draw the line between love and enabling. The work it takes to set boundaries and respond sanely in such bizarre circumstances. It is heart wrenching when grands are involved. We are only human, can only do so much. We must know our limitations. Know that you are not alone. This is an awesome site to come to for help, guidance, support, just to write out your thoughts. It is like a journal that responds. You may want to start your own post, as more will see it and share their thoughts. For me, most of what I write to others is a reminder to me of what I need to work on. That is to realize that we are important too, we have worth and value. As parents, we spent years sacrificing ourselves for our children’s needs. Recognizing our needs and caring for ourselves is not selfish, it is self love. How we wish our adult children would learn and practice taking care of themselves, making better choices. We need to do that to. I think you know this and have done some hard inner work realizing you cannot raise another grandchild. It’s okay Midst, that is what is right for you, your husband and your grandson in your care. Much love and hugs to you. New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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