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Message: <blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 766510" data-attributes="member: 19522">Hi all,Well how quickly things can change. Woke up early this morning to find Rain- gone. Slipped out into the night like so many other times. Sigh.You are correct. Love cannot save and no one can turn back the hands of time. I was waxing emotionally, reacting, and wishing things were different, rather than engaging deep breathing and measured response. This is true. Getting her there is next to impossible, because she has to want that kind of help. She doesn’t. The strain of having her here was difficult to say the least. She was coughing a lot, sleeping most of the day and up at night.  She was not sure how/when to take some medications, so that was a challenge. Talking with her was not easy, she would just zone out.Unfortunately yesterday’s events may indicate otherwise. I was up and cleaning when I heard voices on my front porch. Mumbles made an appearance and suddenly Rain went from barely able to move off the couch to animated and energized. Huh. I was extremely uncomfortable but also felt…..stuck. Rain went to the back of the house and hung the clothes I had washed and threw in another load. I heard raking- it was Mumbles. I started flashing back to times when Rain had brought street friends up to the house and how strange and scary that felt. She made him lunch and he lingered about and I couldn’t muster up the courage to ask him to leave.Rain eventually invited him in the house and they sat in my living room like they owned it. I was mortified, and felt taken advantage of and trapped. What a big chicken. The last Rain had talked of Mumbles was that she didn’t want him around and that he always seemed to find her, but here he was in my house with them being all chummy. It was just weird. I felt intimidated, home by myself, what to do? What to say? Ask him to leave? What would be the reaction? I was fretful and frustrated. My daughter called me and I let her know what was going on. She called Hoku and my son, and they ended up coming over. I told Rain they were upset that Mumbles was at the house and he fumbled around a bit then left. Thank God. When Hoku and son came over, Rain put up all her defenses and began ranting about how Mumbles had always helped her, even resorted to stealing for her…… Then it was, “ You guys never came to look for me…..you don’t know how hard I’ve worked being out there, looking after other people, you all live in your “comfort box” go to the atm when you need money, I have nothing.” My two tried to calmly talk with her, they were not confrontational, but she did not want to hear what they had to say. Son reminded her that when he picked her up he told her that her boyfriend was not allowed at the house. She said that he “just showed up” which I doubt.I tried to explain to Rain after her siblings left, how I felt and that the last I knew, she did not want Mumbles around, that it was not okay with me. “Your house, your rules.” Was her deadpan reply. I went to bed shaken and feeling just awful that I didn’t have the guts to stick up for myself. I still feel that way. But it was a lesson and reiteration of what my sister reminded me of, and what you wrote, Copa. Rain will not follow rules or think of the repercussions of her choices in my home. The street life has made her bitter and indignant towards her family, we are the “haves” and she and her street friends are the “have nots.” There is no sign of remorse for her choices, no feeling of responsibility, or understanding of what we have gone through for over ten years with knowing, not knowing, what is going on with her. The crisis calls, hand holding in ERs, as she gets treated for attacks from abusive partners, only to go right back to the streets. The list goes on. Now comes the after shock, the processing needed, retrace my steps and think and pray. I am not sorry that I tried to help. I will hopefully tread more cautiously in the future and pray for strength in that. Oh how exciting! What kind of puppy? Yes, they are like newborns, that’s for sure.Thank you Beta. After all these years, one would think that I would be a bit more prepared. I wasn’t. But I am not going to condemn myself either. Rain has made it pretty clear that the years of street life and drug use have hardened her towards conventional living. Again, I have learned that my stepping in does not make much difference with her choices. What I hoped to be a help and maybe connection turned into her taking advantage of my home. Hi Letgo. Thank you for thinking of me and reaching out. Hopefully Rain will take steps to get help, but her pattern has been to seek medical attention in crisis then once on her feet so to speak to go back to street living. May God watch over her. Once again, I am reminded that my helping, in the long run does not help, and that I cannot jeopardize my sanity, health and the safety of my home. I shall be reflecting upon my reactions and working towards being more cautious in the future. Wash, rinse, repeat.Prayers for all for peace, despite whatever difficulties we face.Much love and hugs,New Leaf</blockquote>

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