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Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 670665" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So the answer to whatever it is that is pulling you so savagely in two opposing directions will be found through listening to the tale the child within tells.</p><p></p><p>She will tell it in symbols Copa, as you know.</p><p></p><p>What would you learn Copa, if you read the symbols in the choice of the recently purchased jewelry. The answer will be like a mosaic ~ will be that well hidden. There is something powerful there for you, Copa. Those things you loved enough to purchase, you despise yourself for having chosen. Either way, you cannot win. There is the punishment, intended from the beginning, of the overwhelming task of reviling yourself as you send each of your choices back. Every one of them, somehow wrong. Mother would have chosen differently. One of the purchases went to your son. He enjoyed having received it. Your response...there is something there for you, Copa.</p><p></p><p>One of the purchases had to do with this site.</p><p></p><p>If you were to review the choice of purchases in that light, Copa...the patterns there will create a kind of collage. The collage will be so hurtful. Those are the feelings that little girl who was you is carrying right now all by herself.</p><p></p><p>Remember the poetry about the prisoner? And the stars, the destined recognition after a time of separation, the coming together, the coming whole, a foretold thing?</p><p></p><p>That is where you are now I think, Copa.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p><em>When the tiles of that mosaic, first composed in blood on stone</em></p><p><em>fall seamlessly together ~ revealing no face, but her own...</em></p><p><em>Then Witch and Child, awakened, repossess the cauldron </em></p><p><em>and claim the loom</em></p><p></p><p><em>Reweaving tales first told in ancient blood</em></p><p><em>on stone.</em></p><p></p><p><em>***</em></p><p></p><p>The little girl that I was is still frozen at the broken places in me, too. It is as though time stopped, for her. I have described her shame at being seen by me. I have described her disbelief that she <em>is</em> me.</p><p></p><p>I admire her so, Copa. She has been very, very strong. Very brave.</p><p></p><p>Entirely alone.</p><p></p><p>I have described assuring her that, as I am here now, so I was always there, even then. I hated her, Copa, because I had been taught to hate her, had been taught to feel shame for her, to find her ugly. None of those things were true Copa, but until I could see her through my own loving eyes, I could only see her through the eyes of the abuser, abusing her.</p><p></p><p>I had to separate from her, to survive it, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I will stand with you now, Copa. I will witness for you, as Maya did, for me. Or, choose us both. Read Maya, understanding that she chose her story of self and then, made it true and changed the world for us all.</p><p></p><p>Even for me, Copa.</p><p></p><p>And I know she would want that for me, just as I want that, for you.</p><p></p><p>Or choose Peter Breggin, the writer you admire. Choose someone strong, someone who can stand for that child that was you without flinching. I needed to see the eyes of the witness, to see how wrong what was happening to me, or to my sibs, was.</p><p></p><p>I did not know it was wrong to treat me like that, Copa. For the worst things, I did not know how to see it. That is what the witnesses did. They saw, and I saw them see.</p><p></p><p>So let's do that, then.</p><p></p><p>You may even borrow my mother, Dr Ben Carson.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>His are some loving eyes, delighted with all that is and yet, very much aware of what is a wrongness. That is all we need to know, Copa: What happened to us was a wrongness, was a wrong thing, was a failed thing, dirtied and torn, from its inception. It has nothing to do with the abuser. It is not about accusing or naming or hatred. It is about coming through it. It is about carrying something our abusers would never have wished for us in their right minds or we would not have survived our childhoods, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Many children do not.</p><p></p><p>We did.</p><p></p><p>We were loved; cherished. Our abusers would not wish to hurt us as they did.</p><p></p><p><em>White candles, in an Innocent's mirror</em></p><p></p><p>That is all the light you need, Copa.</p><p></p><p>We are meant to heal; we are meant to be whole and strong. Nothing is served, anymore, through abiding by the unspoken rules that serviced the tragedy that is family dysfunction.</p><p></p><p>There was nothing normal about what happened to us, Copa. This means we are free the second we declare it.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>The second question I have Copa has to do with your choice of the word triumphing; with the defiance in it.</p><p></p><p><em>"...begin to achieve goals"</em></p><p></p><p>Copa. You have achieved remarkable things on many different levels and in widely divergent areas: Education. Mothering. Dance. Needlework. Writing. </p><p></p><p>Add the incredible work you do, here.</p><p></p><p>Triumphing.... </p><p></p><p>Is there imagery coming up around this, Copa? Remember that last dream you posted for us? Does that fit, here?</p><p></p><p>When you post: "<em>triumphing in my life...feels to me to be leaving my family and my home as if was when I was a child.</em>" I see your determination to move to another state, and your agony over how to care for your dogs, if you do. <em>That fits, here. That is a piece Copa, a mosaic piece, the way you feel about your dogs and the move. </em>I see...almost a sense of punishing yourself Copa, whether you do take action, or whether you don't.</p><p></p><p>How fortunate we are to see this time, and not to let it go unexplored.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 670665, member: 17461"] So the answer to whatever it is that is pulling you so savagely in two opposing directions will be found through listening to the tale the child within tells. She will tell it in symbols Copa, as you know. What would you learn Copa, if you read the symbols in the choice of the recently purchased jewelry. The answer will be like a mosaic ~ will be that well hidden. There is something powerful there for you, Copa. Those things you loved enough to purchase, you despise yourself for having chosen. Either way, you cannot win. There is the punishment, intended from the beginning, of the overwhelming task of reviling yourself as you send each of your choices back. Every one of them, somehow wrong. Mother would have chosen differently. One of the purchases went to your son. He enjoyed having received it. Your response...there is something there for you, Copa. One of the purchases had to do with this site. If you were to review the choice of purchases in that light, Copa...the patterns there will create a kind of collage. The collage will be so hurtful. Those are the feelings that little girl who was you is carrying right now all by herself. Remember the poetry about the prisoner? And the stars, the destined recognition after a time of separation, the coming together, the coming whole, a foretold thing? That is where you are now I think, Copa. *** [I]When the tiles of that mosaic, first composed in blood on stone fall seamlessly together ~ revealing no face, but her own... Then Witch and Child, awakened, repossess the cauldron and claim the loom[/I] [I]Reweaving tales first told in ancient blood on stone.[/I] [I]***[/I] The little girl that I was is still frozen at the broken places in me, too. It is as though time stopped, for her. I have described her shame at being seen by me. I have described her disbelief that she [I]is[/I] me. I admire her so, Copa. She has been very, very strong. Very brave. Entirely alone. I have described assuring her that, as I am here now, so I was always there, even then. I hated her, Copa, because I had been taught to hate her, had been taught to feel shame for her, to find her ugly. None of those things were true Copa, but until I could see her through my own loving eyes, I could only see her through the eyes of the abuser, abusing her. I had to separate from her, to survive it, Copa. I will stand with you now, Copa. I will witness for you, as Maya did, for me. Or, choose us both. Read Maya, understanding that she chose her story of self and then, made it true and changed the world for us all. Even for me, Copa. And I know she would want that for me, just as I want that, for you. Or choose Peter Breggin, the writer you admire. Choose someone strong, someone who can stand for that child that was you without flinching. I needed to see the eyes of the witness, to see how wrong what was happening to me, or to my sibs, was. I did not know it was wrong to treat me like that, Copa. For the worst things, I did not know how to see it. That is what the witnesses did. They saw, and I saw them see. So let's do that, then. You may even borrow my mother, Dr Ben Carson. :O) His are some loving eyes, delighted with all that is and yet, very much aware of what is a wrongness. That is all we need to know, Copa: What happened to us was a wrongness, was a wrong thing, was a failed thing, dirtied and torn, from its inception. It has nothing to do with the abuser. It is not about accusing or naming or hatred. It is about coming through it. It is about carrying something our abusers would never have wished for us in their right minds or we would not have survived our childhoods, Copa. Many children do not. We did. We were loved; cherished. Our abusers would not wish to hurt us as they did. [I]White candles, in an Innocent's mirror[/I] That is all the light you need, Copa. We are meant to heal; we are meant to be whole and strong. Nothing is served, anymore, through abiding by the unspoken rules that serviced the tragedy that is family dysfunction. There was nothing normal about what happened to us, Copa. This means we are free the second we declare it. Cedar The second question I have Copa has to do with your choice of the word triumphing; with the defiance in it. [I]"...begin to achieve goals"[/I] Copa. You have achieved remarkable things on many different levels and in widely divergent areas: Education. Mothering. Dance. Needlework. Writing. Add the incredible work you do, here. Triumphing.... Is there imagery coming up around this, Copa? Remember that last dream you posted for us? Does that fit, here? When you post: "[I]triumphing in my life...feels to me to be leaving my family and my home as if was when I was a child.[/I]" I see your determination to move to another state, and your agony over how to care for your dogs, if you do. [I]That fits, here. That is a piece Copa, a mosaic piece, the way you feel about your dogs and the move. [/I]I see...almost a sense of punishing yourself Copa, whether you do take action, or whether you don't. How fortunate we are to see this time, and not to let it go unexplored. [/QUOTE]
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