Copa and RN, I have been following along with the difficulties you both have with your son. Your advice and struggles have helped me to think of things I may not yet have faced. I take pieces of everyones stories and apply them to my families life with difficult son. These are the only things that get me through and are solid advice. Parents/Grandparents who have been there/done that. I have been working on detaching bit by bit. For years, I have been working on fixing and solving and finding another new way to motivate or help my son. I am really beginning to feel done. He has made progress yet the common theme is that he when he is in pain, all bets are off. Its as if he wants to make everyone around him hurt like he does. For example, he has come to the conclusion that although he loves the high of marijuana, he needs to stop. He said he knows it kills his motivation and that if he is going to achieve his goals,he needs to stop. Great right?! Yes BUT he is a monster when he is withdrawing. I do know that technically weed is not physically addicting but believe me there is withdrawal. All those emotions he stuffed down with weed, comes up with a vengeance. He can't eat AT ALL. And he is irritable. and very very depressed. So in I swoop with suggestions on getting extra support to cope, making him healthy shakes because thats all he can stomach, suggestions on exercise, etc. I pay extra for in between visits with therapist. All the while, I become the target of his pain. Its awful. I know he is suffering and it breaks my heart. But during this time, he makes our home an awful place to be. Yelling and telling me over and over again that he wants to die. Agrees to take medication but abruptly stops for some reason or another. Won't take any advice. And then when enough time goes by, weeks or days he decides to smoke again. And all is well. And he is happy and expects us all to forget. We have been through this twice since December when he ruined our vacation because he couldn't smoke. He is sober now for about 5 days. I re read this and I sound heartless. I know he is suffering and needs help. But the closer he gets to 18, the closer I get to the full realization that I can't do anything for him. He either agrees to help himself and follow all the way through or not. I just need my stomach out of knots so I can be a mom to my other children. So in a nutshell that is why subsidizing rent sounds very attractive and about all I can do.
