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repost from SpEd - Need advice - goals being ignored
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<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 434330" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>sunxstone -</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child 2 was severely impaired on many levels including physically. His psychiatric and behavioral problems only intensified the older he got. We struggled to hold on, to keep him at home. </p><p></p><p>I was struck by your words -</p><p></p><p></p><p>We felt much the same way - that our son was "refusing" to cooperate; that he "didn't care" about changing his behavior. </p><p></p><p>It seems really obvious now - the reality for our oldest son - it was not a matter of choice or refusing. He is simply not capable of behaving differently now and I don't think he was then either. No amount of care, intervention, medication, or structure *on our part at home* was capable of changing the nature and expression of his sometimes subtle but incredibly disabling cognitive and emotional problems.</p><p></p><p>With 10 years of perspective (our son is now 28) I think that we should have moved heaven and earth to get our son into a therapeutic placement much sooner. Not just because of the strain on us - but because he was getting sicker and sicker and needed more help than we could give him at home. </p><p></p><p>The week of his 18th birthday he "attempted" suicide in our home 5 times. There was no parity then and we had 30 days of inpatient coverage a year. By then we had been through so much with him - for years - that every ER and psychiatric hospital in our region knew him and refused to accept him for longer than a few hours - which was about how long it took for his rapid cycling to drop him back into something approaching normal. </p><p></p><p>The fact that he was extremely physically fragile and required help with all ADL's made him a risky and expensive patient to care for since other patients could seriously injure or even kill him if they got physically out of control around him. Home was the placement of last resort - and our entire family paid the price. </p><p></p><p>My honest opinion, based on what you've shared and our experiences, is that this child needs some kind of residential placement and you should make that happen as soon as you can. As you have said, you have done all you can do for him at home - but things are getting worse to the point that you have reason to be concerned about the safety of your other child and yourselves.</p><p></p><p>I know you love him no matter what. Maybe it's time for your love and care to go to finding a safe, nurturing and appropriate placement where he can get the structured, therapeutic interventions that may help him learn the skills he is going to need if he is ever to live independently.</p><p></p><p>Peace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 434330, member: 11920"] sunxstone - Our difficult child 2 was severely impaired on many levels including physically. His psychiatric and behavioral problems only intensified the older he got. We struggled to hold on, to keep him at home. I was struck by your words - We felt much the same way - that our son was "refusing" to cooperate; that he "didn't care" about changing his behavior. It seems really obvious now - the reality for our oldest son - it was not a matter of choice or refusing. He is simply not capable of behaving differently now and I don't think he was then either. No amount of care, intervention, medication, or structure *on our part at home* was capable of changing the nature and expression of his sometimes subtle but incredibly disabling cognitive and emotional problems. With 10 years of perspective (our son is now 28) I think that we should have moved heaven and earth to get our son into a therapeutic placement much sooner. Not just because of the strain on us - but because he was getting sicker and sicker and needed more help than we could give him at home. The week of his 18th birthday he "attempted" suicide in our home 5 times. There was no parity then and we had 30 days of inpatient coverage a year. By then we had been through so much with him - for years - that every ER and psychiatric hospital in our region knew him and refused to accept him for longer than a few hours - which was about how long it took for his rapid cycling to drop him back into something approaching normal. The fact that he was extremely physically fragile and required help with all ADL's made him a risky and expensive patient to care for since other patients could seriously injure or even kill him if they got physically out of control around him. Home was the placement of last resort - and our entire family paid the price. My honest opinion, based on what you've shared and our experiences, is that this child needs some kind of residential placement and you should make that happen as soon as you can. As you have said, you have done all you can do for him at home - but things are getting worse to the point that you have reason to be concerned about the safety of your other child and yourselves. I know you love him no matter what. Maybe it's time for your love and care to go to finding a safe, nurturing and appropriate placement where he can get the structured, therapeutic interventions that may help him learn the skills he is going to need if he is ever to live independently. Peace [/QUOTE]
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