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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 763974" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Yes…New Leaf loving an addict truly is extremely painful. It is a roller coaster ride that is never fun. Consisting of tears and prayer with the occasional glimmer of hope. But mostly Tears prayer and fears. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry to hear that your Tornado is out there again. </p><p></p><p>I do understand getting to that place for yourself where you’ve had enough or even feel like you might have grown cold from all the years of pain and suffering. </p><p></p><p>In March of 2021 I had had enough of the addict adult child’s continued choices to turn toward the drugs. </p><p>Jarod had just gotten out of another hospital stay after being found psychotic from drugs. I gave him one more chance to come home and get well. I got him a bus ticket and sent a new ID to him along with a $100 bill for him to eat on and have a place to stay until his bus arrived. He got everything delivered to him through the hospital. I was expecting him in our town that week. Sigh. His bus came and left without him on it. He had taken the $100 and bought drugs only to end up in a hospital again. He called me from the hospital apologizing. I told him I was done. Not to call me for 6 months. That would be September 1st 2021. I told him to get off drugs and get his life together. I told him I will love you forever but I can’t keep going through this. It is too painful. </p><p></p><p>He called me several times over the next few months leaving voicemails insisting I answer his calls but I didn’t. </p><p></p><p>On September 1st when he didn’t call and I hadn’t heard from him in awhile I filed a missing persons report. He was found a few days later when a police officer called me and told me he had “just helped himself to some wine at a store” he stole from. I asked them to have him call me. </p><p></p><p>He went to the hospital and had COViD. The hospital set him up in a motel for a few weeks and brought him meals. A sober girl he had met at a hospital once (who loved Jarod very much) went to visit him and brought him cigarettes and a phone to call me. </p><p></p><p>We talked over those 2 months. He had gotten out of the hospital and was brought back to Napa where he started out, where his friend girl lived that loved him. He was expecting a check from the Choctaw nation for a $1,000 which would be coming in soon to my house in Oklahoma. Jarod was in California. </p><p></p><p>He did drugs once again and end up in the hospital once again. I knew time was running out. It was the week and half before Thanksgiving. His friend had bought him a new phone and once again he was released from the hospital. I have saved all our texts from this phone calls conversations and have had them laminated. </p><p></p><p>I was just waiting on that Indian debit card to get him a new bus ticket home. He never made it. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😢" title="Crying face :cry:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f622.png" data-shortname=":cry:" /></p><p>I suspect he had been selling the phones he was given for drugs. </p><p></p><p>On Thanksgiving morning 2021 his estranged wife called me and told me to go sit in the garage and light a cigarette. </p><p>2 police officers had just come to her mom’s home where she lives with their kids (my grandchildren) and told her to call the sheriffs department in Napa regarding Jarod. I was in shock! Had my worst fears just come true??? </p><p>I yelled for my dear husband to come to the phone and told him he and Jarod’s estranged wife needed to make a 3 way call. They did. </p><p>My husband then told me “he died this morning.”</p><p></p><p>New Leaf…if I hadn’t been in some kind of contact with Jarod before he died I know I would have regretted it. It was so hard for me to go through those 6 months with no contact but I had tried everything else under the sun. </p><p></p><p>Losing a child is a mother’s worst nightmare. But I am living proof that it can be survived. Maybe not very well for the first year. I still talk to Jarod all of the time. We were very close. In fact, closer than my other 2 children who I also love dearly. But Jarod was different. He had mental illness like me. He was a deep thinker. A writer. A philosopher. I’m so glad he knew God. I do believe I’ll see him again someday when it is my turn. </p><p></p><p>Like you, I have my grandchildren to concentrate on. I talk to them about the importance of hopefully never getting hooked on a drug if they ever in their lives decide to try one or experiment with their peers. I will give the laminated conversations their dad and I had in text the week before he died to them someday. </p><p></p><p>I am so glad to hear your granddaughter is so resilient. Out of the mouths of babe’s. Yes…her addict mom and your addict child must figure this out for themselves. </p><p>A mother’s love and tears is not enough to save the addict. They have to want recovery as you say more than you do. </p><p></p><p>I know it hurts like hell living this life of addiction limbo for years with your addict child. I no longer live with that pain. Only forever missing my Jarod and longing to see him again. </p><p>I pray your Tornado will want recovery more than a drug someday before her time runs out. </p><p>You are not in control of this anymore than I was. </p><p>I so wish our love was enough. I know you like myself have given your all. </p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 763974, member: 3305"] Yes…New Leaf loving an addict truly is extremely painful. It is a roller coaster ride that is never fun. Consisting of tears and prayer with the occasional glimmer of hope. But mostly Tears prayer and fears. I am so sorry to hear that your Tornado is out there again. I do understand getting to that place for yourself where you’ve had enough or even feel like you might have grown cold from all the years of pain and suffering. In March of 2021 I had had enough of the addict adult child’s continued choices to turn toward the drugs. Jarod had just gotten out of another hospital stay after being found psychotic from drugs. I gave him one more chance to come home and get well. I got him a bus ticket and sent a new ID to him along with a $100 bill for him to eat on and have a place to stay until his bus arrived. He got everything delivered to him through the hospital. I was expecting him in our town that week. Sigh. His bus came and left without him on it. He had taken the $100 and bought drugs only to end up in a hospital again. He called me from the hospital apologizing. I told him I was done. Not to call me for 6 months. That would be September 1st 2021. I told him to get off drugs and get his life together. I told him I will love you forever but I can’t keep going through this. It is too painful. He called me several times over the next few months leaving voicemails insisting I answer his calls but I didn’t. On September 1st when he didn’t call and I hadn’t heard from him in awhile I filed a missing persons report. He was found a few days later when a police officer called me and told me he had “just helped himself to some wine at a store” he stole from. I asked them to have him call me. He went to the hospital and had COViD. The hospital set him up in a motel for a few weeks and brought him meals. A sober girl he had met at a hospital once (who loved Jarod very much) went to visit him and brought him cigarettes and a phone to call me. We talked over those 2 months. He had gotten out of the hospital and was brought back to Napa where he started out, where his friend girl lived that loved him. He was expecting a check from the Choctaw nation for a $1,000 which would be coming in soon to my house in Oklahoma. Jarod was in California. He did drugs once again and end up in the hospital once again. I knew time was running out. It was the week and half before Thanksgiving. His friend had bought him a new phone and once again he was released from the hospital. I have saved all our texts from this phone calls conversations and have had them laminated. I was just waiting on that Indian debit card to get him a new bus ticket home. He never made it. 😢 I suspect he had been selling the phones he was given for drugs. On Thanksgiving morning 2021 his estranged wife called me and told me to go sit in the garage and light a cigarette. 2 police officers had just come to her mom’s home where she lives with their kids (my grandchildren) and told her to call the sheriffs department in Napa regarding Jarod. I was in shock! Had my worst fears just come true??? I yelled for my dear husband to come to the phone and told him he and Jarod’s estranged wife needed to make a 3 way call. They did. My husband then told me “he died this morning.” New Leaf…if I hadn’t been in some kind of contact with Jarod before he died I know I would have regretted it. It was so hard for me to go through those 6 months with no contact but I had tried everything else under the sun. Losing a child is a mother’s worst nightmare. But I am living proof that it can be survived. Maybe not very well for the first year. I still talk to Jarod all of the time. We were very close. In fact, closer than my other 2 children who I also love dearly. But Jarod was different. He had mental illness like me. He was a deep thinker. A writer. A philosopher. I’m so glad he knew God. I do believe I’ll see him again someday when it is my turn. Like you, I have my grandchildren to concentrate on. I talk to them about the importance of hopefully never getting hooked on a drug if they ever in their lives decide to try one or experiment with their peers. I will give the laminated conversations their dad and I had in text the week before he died to them someday. I am so glad to hear your granddaughter is so resilient. Out of the mouths of babe’s. Yes…her addict mom and your addict child must figure this out for themselves. A mother’s love and tears is not enough to save the addict. They have to want recovery as you say more than you do. I know it hurts like hell living this life of addiction limbo for years with your addict child. I no longer live with that pain. Only forever missing my Jarod and longing to see him again. I pray your Tornado will want recovery more than a drug someday before her time runs out. You are not in control of this anymore than I was. I so wish our love was enough. I know you like myself have given your all. (((Hugs))) LMS [/QUOTE]
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