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Rough first night home for me with difficult child 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 134497" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I have experience with Clonodine but wanted to address the dinner situation. </p><p></p><p>First of all - this helped us with our very out of control child. He wasn't out of control at times - he was out of control ALL the time and had periods of rest - when he slept. </p><p></p><p>As far as the situation at dinner and believing you are ignoring him - I get where you are coming from. HOwever you are teaching him that it's okay to do, behave, however at dinner and still get couch and tv. </p><p></p><p>Does he have written rules - house rules - your rules? I ask this because he SURELY did in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - so, to transition home - you may try this too. Rules on one poster board, consequences on the other - rewards for attaining short term goals on yet another - everyone signs and it stays posted where all can see. </p><p></p><p>What i know now about dinner time is that we had three rules about dinner. 1. If you didn't like it you didn't have to eat it - but if you didn't eat it you got nothing else. Dinner was dinner - either eat or dont. I never made things that my son did NOT like - he just decided at dinner to control the table by saying today "I hate chicken and will only eat Maccaroni". Well - yesterday, last week and last year he loved chicken. So today if he doesn't want chicken - he can have maccaroni - but no more than he would if he had chicken too. In other words - he could have a normal serving of maccaroni and vegetables - if those all got eaten - that was it. </p><p></p><p>Rule 2. If your behavior isn't going to be what is expected of you at the table - you can opt to have your dinner alone after we eat OR if you are that outrageous you can go to your room without dinner. </p><p></p><p>Rule 3. If you can't behave at dinner -and you choose not to eat - there will be ABSOLUTELY NO snacking of any kind - at any time until breakfast. </p><p></p><p>We made it pretty simple - eat what is put in front of you or don't the choice is yours. if you choose NOT to eat - then you weren't going to go watch TV, or play any games or ride a bike, or talk with friends - you would go to your room, bathe, and then bed. Also if you chose not to eat at dinner time - (we tried to have dinner same time every night to help with a consistent schedule) There would be NO (not even a cracker) or have us even see you in the kitchen. </p><p></p><p>This stopped a TON of tantrums and I mean a TON. We were actually able to go out and eat for the first time after about a year of doing this. I still remember the dinner, the place, and what I ate.....I savored it all. Dude had nice manners, ate what he ordered, didn't run around the restaurant, didn't throw a fit at any time, never even got up out of his seat. he said thank you at home from then on for dinner and mostly for breakfast for the first few months. But we stuck to it - and it made a difference. </p><p></p><p>To this day - sometimes (even at 17) he will grab a plate and forget to have meat and go to double up on the starch (which =sugar, which =nasty later attitude) DF will say - You can have as much veggies as you want, but if you don't eat some meat you don't get double (potatos, macncheese etc) And we also limited him to 2 sodas a day. Period....and tooka lot of sugary snacks, cereal, and junk food out of the house. It made a HUGE difference lately. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps somehow. </p><p>Oh and how did we get him to leave the table when he was acting out? We physically removed him or just stood and said nothing extended an arm and pointed saying GO....GO....GO....GO.....like a broken record. </p><p></p><p>It took a while - but now when DF says DINNER IS READY - we're all in the kitchen getting our plates - no cheating before dinner either - a snack after school - ok, but make it apples or oranges or granola or graham crackers without sugar - and if you don't eat - NO TV or fun stuff. Eating is important for good mental health. </p><p></p><p>Oh - we also NEVER forced Dude to eat anything he didn't like. If we tried something new and he thought it was gross - we gave him an alternative dinner -and the other rule we have for everyone - if WE put it on your plate - eat as much as you can. If YOU put it on your plate - YOU eat what you put on your plate. This helped with Dudes ENORMOUS serving problem. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p><p></p><p>OH and the Clonodine - IF I gave this to Dude at 8:00 - he was OUT cold and slept all night. Such deep sleep I used to go in his room with a mirror and hold it under his nose to make sure he was breathing - I shook him so violently to wake him a few times it scared him. Also they tried giving it to him in the morning and he fell asleep in school. So we tried 1/2 a tab in the AM and 11/2 a tab at night - and still had problems with groggy and sleeping in school. </p><p></p><p>He also wet the bed for a period of time - and that made him angry - so we eventually stopped clonodine. It did help him get a full night sleep - and maybe we could have monkied with the times of giving it at night more but when I started giving it to him at 5:00 so he would not be sleepy for school - he missed dinner - and you couldn't wake him. And he didn't do any better in school with a full nights sleep either. It was square one for us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 134497, member: 4964"] I have experience with Clonodine but wanted to address the dinner situation. First of all - this helped us with our very out of control child. He wasn't out of control at times - he was out of control ALL the time and had periods of rest - when he slept. As far as the situation at dinner and believing you are ignoring him - I get where you are coming from. HOwever you are teaching him that it's okay to do, behave, however at dinner and still get couch and tv. Does he have written rules - house rules - your rules? I ask this because he SURELY did in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - so, to transition home - you may try this too. Rules on one poster board, consequences on the other - rewards for attaining short term goals on yet another - everyone signs and it stays posted where all can see. What i know now about dinner time is that we had three rules about dinner. 1. If you didn't like it you didn't have to eat it - but if you didn't eat it you got nothing else. Dinner was dinner - either eat or dont. I never made things that my son did NOT like - he just decided at dinner to control the table by saying today "I hate chicken and will only eat Maccaroni". Well - yesterday, last week and last year he loved chicken. So today if he doesn't want chicken - he can have maccaroni - but no more than he would if he had chicken too. In other words - he could have a normal serving of maccaroni and vegetables - if those all got eaten - that was it. Rule 2. If your behavior isn't going to be what is expected of you at the table - you can opt to have your dinner alone after we eat OR if you are that outrageous you can go to your room without dinner. Rule 3. If you can't behave at dinner -and you choose not to eat - there will be ABSOLUTELY NO snacking of any kind - at any time until breakfast. We made it pretty simple - eat what is put in front of you or don't the choice is yours. if you choose NOT to eat - then you weren't going to go watch TV, or play any games or ride a bike, or talk with friends - you would go to your room, bathe, and then bed. Also if you chose not to eat at dinner time - (we tried to have dinner same time every night to help with a consistent schedule) There would be NO (not even a cracker) or have us even see you in the kitchen. This stopped a TON of tantrums and I mean a TON. We were actually able to go out and eat for the first time after about a year of doing this. I still remember the dinner, the place, and what I ate.....I savored it all. Dude had nice manners, ate what he ordered, didn't run around the restaurant, didn't throw a fit at any time, never even got up out of his seat. he said thank you at home from then on for dinner and mostly for breakfast for the first few months. But we stuck to it - and it made a difference. To this day - sometimes (even at 17) he will grab a plate and forget to have meat and go to double up on the starch (which =sugar, which =nasty later attitude) DF will say - You can have as much veggies as you want, but if you don't eat some meat you don't get double (potatos, macncheese etc) And we also limited him to 2 sodas a day. Period....and tooka lot of sugary snacks, cereal, and junk food out of the house. It made a HUGE difference lately. Hope this helps somehow. Oh and how did we get him to leave the table when he was acting out? We physically removed him or just stood and said nothing extended an arm and pointed saying GO....GO....GO....GO.....like a broken record. It took a while - but now when DF says DINNER IS READY - we're all in the kitchen getting our plates - no cheating before dinner either - a snack after school - ok, but make it apples or oranges or granola or graham crackers without sugar - and if you don't eat - NO TV or fun stuff. Eating is important for good mental health. Oh - we also NEVER forced Dude to eat anything he didn't like. If we tried something new and he thought it was gross - we gave him an alternative dinner -and the other rule we have for everyone - if WE put it on your plate - eat as much as you can. If YOU put it on your plate - YOU eat what you put on your plate. This helped with Dudes ENORMOUS serving problem. Hugs Star OH and the Clonodine - IF I gave this to Dude at 8:00 - he was OUT cold and slept all night. Such deep sleep I used to go in his room with a mirror and hold it under his nose to make sure he was breathing - I shook him so violently to wake him a few times it scared him. Also they tried giving it to him in the morning and he fell asleep in school. So we tried 1/2 a tab in the AM and 11/2 a tab at night - and still had problems with groggy and sleeping in school. He also wet the bed for a period of time - and that made him angry - so we eventually stopped clonodine. It did help him get a full night sleep - and maybe we could have monkied with the times of giving it at night more but when I started giving it to him at 5:00 so he would not be sleepy for school - he missed dinner - and you couldn't wake him. And he didn't do any better in school with a full nights sleep either. It was square one for us. [/QUOTE]
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