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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 763875" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Deni. As you know I have been locked out since February or so. I have been unable to post and unable to open a new account. There are others who have been locked out of their accounts, too.</p><p></p><p>Deni has been helping me try everything to get back on. And Nandina tried to help me too. Both of them tried and tried. Nothing worked. Until today Deni wrote to me that I should try to log on. She had intervened with the new site administrator.</p><p></p><p>I know she will help any of you who were similarly locked out. Thank you, Deni.</p><p></p><p>I have watched as the site got sparser and sparser. Posting has been way down, and visits too. It's been very, very sad.</p><p></p><p>But for me there was one plus. I had been posting without a break since 2015. Nearly 8 years. Most of my jobs were less than this. In a way it has been a good thing to wean myself off of the dependency. And I have been very busy with my work.</p><p></p><p>But not posting has not been a good thing for me, in relation to my son.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, on my own I do not have the skills or strength to bear what I must. It is not that I have been asking you all for advice or support, nor have I done so for many years. It is that my voice here for others must be strong. And I call upon that strength for you. And when I do so, I become stronger myself. I become a stronger and better person.</p><p></p><p>When I don't speak here through my posts, I seem to shrivel up as a mother. I begin to regret having been a mother. I feel like a total failure as a mother, and it's hard to hold onto anything good about myself or my life. My only coping mechanisms with my son (without this site) seem to be withdrawal and denial and feeling a total failure. Just giving up.</p><p></p><p>Which is to say, I am happy to be back.</p><p></p><p>I want to end by expressing my condolences to Runaway Bunny's daughter and family. I also want to express my gratitude for this site and for the many years of stewardship and care that RB gave this site. She cared deeply about the forum and tried to protect it and us. For that I will always be grateful. I cannot imagine how I would have survived emotionally, without it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 763875, member: 18958"] Thank you Deni. As you know I have been locked out since February or so. I have been unable to post and unable to open a new account. There are others who have been locked out of their accounts, too. Deni has been helping me try everything to get back on. And Nandina tried to help me too. Both of them tried and tried. Nothing worked. Until today Deni wrote to me that I should try to log on. She had intervened with the new site administrator. I know she will help any of you who were similarly locked out. Thank you, Deni. I have watched as the site got sparser and sparser. Posting has been way down, and visits too. It's been very, very sad. But for me there was one plus. I had been posting without a break since 2015. Nearly 8 years. Most of my jobs were less than this. In a way it has been a good thing to wean myself off of the dependency. And I have been very busy with my work. But not posting has not been a good thing for me, in relation to my son. Honestly, on my own I do not have the skills or strength to bear what I must. It is not that I have been asking you all for advice or support, nor have I done so for many years. It is that my voice here for others must be strong. And I call upon that strength for you. And when I do so, I become stronger myself. I become a stronger and better person. When I don't speak here through my posts, I seem to shrivel up as a mother. I begin to regret having been a mother. I feel like a total failure as a mother, and it's hard to hold onto anything good about myself or my life. My only coping mechanisms with my son (without this site) seem to be withdrawal and denial and feeling a total failure. Just giving up. Which is to say, I am happy to be back. I want to end by expressing my condolences to Runaway Bunny's daughter and family. I also want to express my gratitude for this site and for the many years of stewardship and care that RB gave this site. She cared deeply about the forum and tried to protect it and us. For that I will always be grateful. I cannot imagine how I would have survived emotionally, without it. [/QUOTE]
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