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Substance Abuse
Sad but God's plan
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752878" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Dear Trying,</p><p>Your sadness is palpable through your post. I know it is tempting to spiral down into negative thinking when we feel sad. I do this to myself all the time when the actual feelings seem too much to bear. However, feeling them in this moment is something we can all handle . We just can't handle the idea that we will always feel this way. Once the feelings are acknowleged and felt, they wash over us, and they stop . They come in waves but all waves wash over us. </p><p></p><p>Spiraling into your parents sadness and their ages and health is a negative spiral .</p><p></p><p>While you miss your son terribly, you also speak of how badly the last visit went. Our brains tell us stories, sometimes. I think I would feel better if I could see my son, and then when I do see him, I realize that I don't even feel well in his presence. It is the idea of him that I miss, the memories of how things used to be, the dreams I had created for him and for myself through him that did not come to fruition that I miss .It's very deep grief. It is mourning the idea, the vision of someone we have loved for so long, in order to accept and reconcile the truth about them today. </p><p></p><p>I like to take things one day at a time. Because I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime. </p><p></p><p>I would not pay for any part of the plane ticket. I would fly out to see my son in his area before I did that. And I would also learn from the last visit what I need for myself. Maybe suggesting he live in a hotel while visiting so everyone has space to retreat to. </p><p></p><p>When you take the focus on him and put it on you, you can work on your own life - putting work into your marriage and job situation. Tending to yourself - physically, emotionally and spiritually. Attending Al-Anon meetings. Growing as a person . All of these things also help your son because you become a power of example . I would pray for my son to find recovery and stay out of God's way to get him there. </p><p></p><p>Much love to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752878, member: 24254"] Dear Trying, Your sadness is palpable through your post. I know it is tempting to spiral down into negative thinking when we feel sad. I do this to myself all the time when the actual feelings seem too much to bear. However, feeling them in this moment is something we can all handle . We just can't handle the idea that we will always feel this way. Once the feelings are acknowleged and felt, they wash over us, and they stop . They come in waves but all waves wash over us. Spiraling into your parents sadness and their ages and health is a negative spiral . While you miss your son terribly, you also speak of how badly the last visit went. Our brains tell us stories, sometimes. I think I would feel better if I could see my son, and then when I do see him, I realize that I don't even feel well in his presence. It is the idea of him that I miss, the memories of how things used to be, the dreams I had created for him and for myself through him that did not come to fruition that I miss .It's very deep grief. It is mourning the idea, the vision of someone we have loved for so long, in order to accept and reconcile the truth about them today. I like to take things one day at a time. Because I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime. I would not pay for any part of the plane ticket. I would fly out to see my son in his area before I did that. And I would also learn from the last visit what I need for myself. Maybe suggesting he live in a hotel while visiting so everyone has space to retreat to. When you take the focus on him and put it on you, you can work on your own life - putting work into your marriage and job situation. Tending to yourself - physically, emotionally and spiritually. Attending Al-Anon meetings. Growing as a person . All of these things also help your son because you become a power of example . I would pray for my son to find recovery and stay out of God's way to get him there. Much love to you! [/QUOTE]
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