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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673979" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi OWS,</p><p>I am sorry for your heart ache. I am pretty new to this forum, a few months posting. My daughter is on the streets, but frequents our neighborhood, there are dealers down the road from us.</p><p>She has been on meth for as far as I know approximately three, or four years, maybe longer. She has come and gone, from our home. Each, time it was more apparent how far she has slipped into this world of meth. </p><p></p><p>It is not a nice world. </p><p>She still denies using, but all of the signs are there, including my finding her glass pipe.</p><p></p><p>Several months ago, she showed up at the park where I coach, with her new boyfriend. He was very "street looking" but talked a good talk. It was all about how she needed to be with her family, needed help, etc.,etc. My husband and I bought it. Against my intuition, and just plain old common sense, mixed in with an intense desire to see our daughter come out of the grips of this drug, they came to stay with us. It became evident, that it was all a ruse. Boyfriend claimed he worked, actually would get up early and get out of the house. It was all lies. He eventually disappeared, according to daughter "picked up on an old warrant." Then she just slipped away. We didn't see her until recently, no contact, anything for 3 months. </p><p></p><p>She came to the house 2 weeks ago, beat up and disheveled, very depressed and down. She did not want help to kick this thing, just a shower and some food. After that, I spoke with her and urged her to get help, she refused. I was besides myself. I had to watch her walk out the door, she simply <em>cannot stay here</em>. </p><p></p><p>She showed up this weekend, a totally different person, happy and bubbly, on a moped she claimed to have "found." She was high. All of the feelings I had, the misery, the guilt, she was out there doing her thing, getting high on meth.</p><p></p><p>I do not know your daughter or her boyfriend. I think it is safe to say, you probably do not know them either. Meth is a very insidious drug, I am sure you have researched it. It changes our loved ones. We see them as we knew them, but they are very different on meth, even off meth.</p><p></p><p>Addicts lie a lot. They take advantage of our immense love for them, to get what they want. Without batting an eye.</p><p></p><p>I hope it is true that your daughter wants to get clean. I hope her boyfriend feels the same way.</p><p></p><p>I am sharing this with you, because I think it may help you from knowing a bit of my story.</p><p>It may or may not, be different in your daughters case. I hope it is different.</p><p></p><p>We live on a small island. We fear my daughter breaking in, it has happened before. The desperation of this addiction drives our loved ones to some very low places, places we never imagined. She has also brought some pretty scary looking characters to our house. People you or I, would never think of having as friends, nonetheless having over to our homes. These people are her "family" now, <em>her choice.</em></p><p>It feels dangerous to me, to know that this kind of people know where I live, and have probably helped my daughter, <em>break into our home</em>. I go to work, never knowing what I may find when I come home.</p><p></p><p>My point in writing all of this to you, especially since you have two other kids and a wife, is that you are all <em>much safer with your daughter five hours away</em>. It may sound cruel, but it is true. Our daughters know how to tug at our heart strings. Your daughter may be sincere in her words, but COM is right, there has to be action. There are places where she is at, to find help to kick meth. </p><p></p><p>Just be mindful , that since your girl has contacted you, she may try and try, to get you to cave.</p><p></p><p>I would say, a good test of her intentions, <em>is to stand back</em>, and offer encouragement over the phone. You have raised her and loved her. You did the best job you could do. </p><p></p><p>She is an adult now, it is up to her.</p><p></p><p>She went down the wrong path, it is <em>up to her to show you, through words and deed</em>, that she is going down the path to recovery.</p><p></p><p>You are in a good place, with distance between you. It is actually good for your daughter, believe it or not, because <em>she</em> has to embrace the struggle that will come, with changing her course, and do it of her own accord and desire. </p><p>You will be her best cheerleader, with words of encouragement, distanced, and over the phone.</p><p></p><p>This is safer for you, your family, and your home.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you, it is a very hard position to be in. </p><p>The article on detachment,in the PE forum, is very good, I read it all the time to remind me I am on the right course. It has proven itself, with this newest contact with my daughter.</p><p></p><p>Keep on building strength, and keep posting, it really helps to "talk" with folks on the same journey, no judgement, just advice and the camaraderie of being in the same boat, so to speak.</p><p></p><p>Take care, OWS. You are not alone.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673979, member: 19522"] Hi OWS, I am sorry for your heart ache. I am pretty new to this forum, a few months posting. My daughter is on the streets, but frequents our neighborhood, there are dealers down the road from us. She has been on meth for as far as I know approximately three, or four years, maybe longer. She has come and gone, from our home. Each, time it was more apparent how far she has slipped into this world of meth. It is not a nice world. She still denies using, but all of the signs are there, including my finding her glass pipe. Several months ago, she showed up at the park where I coach, with her new boyfriend. He was very "street looking" but talked a good talk. It was all about how she needed to be with her family, needed help, etc.,etc. My husband and I bought it. Against my intuition, and just plain old common sense, mixed in with an intense desire to see our daughter come out of the grips of this drug, they came to stay with us. It became evident, that it was all a ruse. Boyfriend claimed he worked, actually would get up early and get out of the house. It was all lies. He eventually disappeared, according to daughter "picked up on an old warrant." Then she just slipped away. We didn't see her until recently, no contact, anything for 3 months. She came to the house 2 weeks ago, beat up and disheveled, very depressed and down. She did not want help to kick this thing, just a shower and some food. After that, I spoke with her and urged her to get help, she refused. I was besides myself. I had to watch her walk out the door, she simply [I]cannot stay here[/I]. She showed up this weekend, a totally different person, happy and bubbly, on a moped she claimed to have "found." She was high. All of the feelings I had, the misery, the guilt, she was out there doing her thing, getting high on meth. I do not know your daughter or her boyfriend. I think it is safe to say, you probably do not know them either. Meth is a very insidious drug, I am sure you have researched it. It changes our loved ones. We see them as we knew them, but they are very different on meth, even off meth. Addicts lie a lot. They take advantage of our immense love for them, to get what they want. Without batting an eye. I hope it is true that your daughter wants to get clean. I hope her boyfriend feels the same way. I am sharing this with you, because I think it may help you from knowing a bit of my story. It may or may not, be different in your daughters case. I hope it is different. We live on a small island. We fear my daughter breaking in, it has happened before. The desperation of this addiction drives our loved ones to some very low places, places we never imagined. She has also brought some pretty scary looking characters to our house. People you or I, would never think of having as friends, nonetheless having over to our homes. These people are her "family" now, [I]her choice.[/I] It feels dangerous to me, to know that this kind of people know where I live, and have probably helped my daughter, [I]break into our home[/I]. I go to work, never knowing what I may find when I come home. My point in writing all of this to you, especially since you have two other kids and a wife, is that you are all [I]much safer with your daughter five hours away[/I]. It may sound cruel, but it is true. Our daughters know how to tug at our heart strings. Your daughter may be sincere in her words, but COM is right, there has to be action. There are places where she is at, to find help to kick meth. Just be mindful , that since your girl has contacted you, she may try and try, to get you to cave. I would say, a good test of her intentions, [I]is to stand back[/I], and offer encouragement over the phone. You have raised her and loved her. You did the best job you could do. She is an adult now, it is up to her. She went down the wrong path, it is [I]up to her to show you, through words and deed[/I], that she is going down the path to recovery. You are in a good place, with distance between you. It is actually good for your daughter, believe it or not, because [I]she[/I] has to embrace the struggle that will come, with changing her course, and do it of her own accord and desire. You will be her best cheerleader, with words of encouragement, distanced, and over the phone. This is safer for you, your family, and your home. My heart goes out to you, it is a very hard position to be in. The article on detachment,in the PE forum, is very good, I read it all the time to remind me I am on the right course. It has proven itself, with this newest contact with my daughter. Keep on building strength, and keep posting, it really helps to "talk" with folks on the same journey, no judgement, just advice and the camaraderie of being in the same boat, so to speak. Take care, OWS. You are not alone. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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