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Sage of the Prodigal Son (Need advice)
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 742568" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>Here's the thing, he seems to be almost completely lacking in either empathy or gratitude. Yes he says "thank you." But those are words that any one or two year old knows how to say. But let's say he ask me for A. If A is within my means, financially, time-wise, or otherwise, I'm happy to do it. But then it's "Well you gave me/did A so would you be willing to do B as well?" And so on. And when choose to or have to decline, he gets agitated, wants to know why, wants to argue about it, tries to make me feel guilty, etc., to the point where the next time he asks for A it's almost an automatic "No" right off the bat. It just seems that in his mind one favor should lead to another and another and on and on. Never ending.</p><p></p><p>And other than saying "thank you" he does very little to express real gratitude. I already mentioned how after I had made dinner...which he, my husband, and I ate together at our coffee table, he finished his and then sat there holding his dish until I got up to take mine to the kitchen and asked me to take his as well. That's not how I was raised. As the younger person and the recipient of a nice meal, he should have been offering to take my dishes to the kitchen rather than asking me to take his. </p><p></p><p>I work from home doing transcription. It seems more like a hobby than work because I really enjoy it. It doesn't pay extremely well but it pays enough for me to supplement my Social Security and my husband's income. Shortly after my son moved back to town, he was at our house and asked me if he could use the computer to put out some resumes and job applications. Of course I said yes and relinquished my computer, which also meant I was not working. And then he "needed" to do something with his iCloud pictures. And then...etc...and by the time he got off the computer I had lost my momentum and I was done working for the day. (I don't have regular hours as my work is available 24-7 and I can set my own schedule. If I'm awake at 6 I start working then. If I sleep in until 9 I start then. If I want to knock off at 5 PM or 10 PM or midnight I can) But not working costs money that we need, this time of year especially. And he doesn't seem to really understand or appreciate that. </p><p></p><p>Even when he's just hanging out it's often difficult to focus on working because he's talking on his phone or listening to music or watching TV. And constantly interrupting me and going in and out of the house. Sometimes I can block his distractions out and other times I can't. And he sees nothing wrong with that because it s not a "real job" and I don't have a quota or an employer who will fire me if I miss hours or days of work. No consideration, no empathy, no understanding of the fact that although I won't lose my "job" if I don't work for an extended period, I also make no money.</p><p></p><p>And...holy cow...it's 6:15 in the morning and he just texted me from wherever asking me to let him know when I get up. I can only conclude that he's done partying for the night and wants to crash here on our couch or wants me to call an Uber for him to get home. Especially if he wants to crash here, that means he'll be sleeping all day most likely and my husband won't be able to watch the morning news with his coffee before he starts getting ready for work and I will have to tiptoe around all day until he wakes up sometime in the afternoon. I have no idea which he wants and I really don't want to do either. Regardless of what it is, I know he's not texting to wish me a good morning and tell me loves me. My husband had a mini-meltdown last night and said that my son would be, to put it in less than delicate terms, sucking my tit until the day I died. And it looks li he might be right.</p><p></p><p>Forgive my rambling...yet again...but sometimes I wish I had let him stay in Chicago and get by the best way he could. What do I do at this point? I'm so afraid that if he pushes me to put my foot down he will start chaos and drama that will end up in me and my husband getting evicted for disturbing the peace for the other tenants in the building. (But there I go again borrowing trouble ahead of time where there may be none.) I've just seen this behavior in him in the past and know it could be a distinct possibility. What's the old saying? No good deed goes unpunished.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 742568, member: 22877"] Here's the thing, he seems to be almost completely lacking in either empathy or gratitude. Yes he says "thank you." But those are words that any one or two year old knows how to say. But let's say he ask me for A. If A is within my means, financially, time-wise, or otherwise, I'm happy to do it. But then it's "Well you gave me/did A so would you be willing to do B as well?" And so on. And when choose to or have to decline, he gets agitated, wants to know why, wants to argue about it, tries to make me feel guilty, etc., to the point where the next time he asks for A it's almost an automatic "No" right off the bat. It just seems that in his mind one favor should lead to another and another and on and on. Never ending. And other than saying "thank you" he does very little to express real gratitude. I already mentioned how after I had made dinner...which he, my husband, and I ate together at our coffee table, he finished his and then sat there holding his dish until I got up to take mine to the kitchen and asked me to take his as well. That's not how I was raised. As the younger person and the recipient of a nice meal, he should have been offering to take my dishes to the kitchen rather than asking me to take his. I work from home doing transcription. It seems more like a hobby than work because I really enjoy it. It doesn't pay extremely well but it pays enough for me to supplement my Social Security and my husband's income. Shortly after my son moved back to town, he was at our house and asked me if he could use the computer to put out some resumes and job applications. Of course I said yes and relinquished my computer, which also meant I was not working. And then he "needed" to do something with his iCloud pictures. And then...etc...and by the time he got off the computer I had lost my momentum and I was done working for the day. (I don't have regular hours as my work is available 24-7 and I can set my own schedule. If I'm awake at 6 I start working then. If I sleep in until 9 I start then. If I want to knock off at 5 PM or 10 PM or midnight I can) But not working costs money that we need, this time of year especially. And he doesn't seem to really understand or appreciate that. Even when he's just hanging out it's often difficult to focus on working because he's talking on his phone or listening to music or watching TV. And constantly interrupting me and going in and out of the house. Sometimes I can block his distractions out and other times I can't. And he sees nothing wrong with that because it s not a "real job" and I don't have a quota or an employer who will fire me if I miss hours or days of work. No consideration, no empathy, no understanding of the fact that although I won't lose my "job" if I don't work for an extended period, I also make no money. And...holy cow...it's 6:15 in the morning and he just texted me from wherever asking me to let him know when I get up. I can only conclude that he's done partying for the night and wants to crash here on our couch or wants me to call an Uber for him to get home. Especially if he wants to crash here, that means he'll be sleeping all day most likely and my husband won't be able to watch the morning news with his coffee before he starts getting ready for work and I will have to tiptoe around all day until he wakes up sometime in the afternoon. I have no idea which he wants and I really don't want to do either. Regardless of what it is, I know he's not texting to wish me a good morning and tell me loves me. My husband had a mini-meltdown last night and said that my son would be, to put it in less than delicate terms, sucking my tit until the day I died. And it looks li he might be right. Forgive my rambling...yet again...but sometimes I wish I had let him stay in Chicago and get by the best way he could. What do I do at this point? I'm so afraid that if he pushes me to put my foot down he will start chaos and drama that will end up in me and my husband getting evicted for disturbing the peace for the other tenants in the building. (But there I go again borrowing trouble ahead of time where there may be none.) I've just seen this behavior in him in the past and know it could be a distinct possibility. What's the old saying? No good deed goes unpunished. [/QUOTE]
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