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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677640" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, my heart bleeds for you. But I have had years and years of bad depression and still tried, even at a very young age, to get help a nd accept the help. Yes, the medication trials sock and it took me ten years to get on a medication regime that saved my life (literally) but I never stopped trying and never quit therapy, although I did find my own therapsts and leave some that I felt were useless. You didn't cause it. Basically clinical, long term depression is usually inherited and not caused by life or parenting. I had bad parents, especially my mom, but I did not blame her for my depression. I knew I was born this way. She just was mean about it and probably had depression herself by the way she acted. But mental illness is in my family or origin so I know it was inherited.</p><p></p><p>Has your son been evaluated? I was many times. The most consistent diagnosis I have gotten through the years is mood disorder not otherwise specified and anxiety disorders of all sorts. This does get in the way of your functioning which is why your son hopefully will not stop fighting for himself. He can live a happy, normal life with the right treatment. I bless my loved ones and my life every day and do not take any of my good life for granted. On the other hand...</p><p></p><p>Although you can not force your son to get help, you can make going to a psychiatrist AND therapist a condition to his continuing to live in your house. It does him no good to get comfy in his misery. He needs to jump forward and take care of himself or he will not improve. It is a harsh way to get him to receive help, but it may be the only way he will try to get better. And he CAN get better if he is in the mood disorder/anxiety range. It is quite treatable now, but not if you don't seek treatment.</p><p></p><p>Forget his angry words. He is miserable and that is the illness speaking. If you were so horrible, all of your kids would be suffering. I agree with your husband. Don't take it personally. Don't answer his abusive blurts either. Just act like he never said them. If they are constant you may have to make being respectful a condition of living in your house as well. He COULD be much better, but is unwilling to go for help and has no fire to advocate for his treatment, which I did. I had that fire to get better, even when I was at my worst. Light a fire under him. He needs that. If he gives into the depression, and you make it easy for him to do so, he is just going to keep being depressed.</p><p></p><p>In my own home, I also would not allow a grown child to live in my sanctuary yet refuse to talk to me. That would not be acceptable. He would answer me and talk to me with respect or again have to find another place to live. Are you 100% that your son does not use any drugs?</p><p></p><p>I did not mean to sound harsh and I hope I did not come off that way. But I know depression well. It is horrible. But it is one of the most treatable mental illnesses that exist. So is anxiety. Yes, he may need minimal medications all his life, but the medications that work will bring him back to normal, not make him different. And don't let him try to tell you pot helps his depression. Pot doesn't help depression.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and keep us posted. I'm particularly interested as we have similar issues. I want him to get the help he needs. Yes, we all can have bad experiences with bad therapists, but we can move on and look for good ones and great ones and great ones do exist.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677640, member: 1550"] Hon, my heart bleeds for you. But I have had years and years of bad depression and still tried, even at a very young age, to get help a nd accept the help. Yes, the medication trials sock and it took me ten years to get on a medication regime that saved my life (literally) but I never stopped trying and never quit therapy, although I did find my own therapsts and leave some that I felt were useless. You didn't cause it. Basically clinical, long term depression is usually inherited and not caused by life or parenting. I had bad parents, especially my mom, but I did not blame her for my depression. I knew I was born this way. She just was mean about it and probably had depression herself by the way she acted. But mental illness is in my family or origin so I know it was inherited. Has your son been evaluated? I was many times. The most consistent diagnosis I have gotten through the years is mood disorder not otherwise specified and anxiety disorders of all sorts. This does get in the way of your functioning which is why your son hopefully will not stop fighting for himself. He can live a happy, normal life with the right treatment. I bless my loved ones and my life every day and do not take any of my good life for granted. On the other hand... Although you can not force your son to get help, you can make going to a psychiatrist AND therapist a condition to his continuing to live in your house. It does him no good to get comfy in his misery. He needs to jump forward and take care of himself or he will not improve. It is a harsh way to get him to receive help, but it may be the only way he will try to get better. And he CAN get better if he is in the mood disorder/anxiety range. It is quite treatable now, but not if you don't seek treatment. Forget his angry words. He is miserable and that is the illness speaking. If you were so horrible, all of your kids would be suffering. I agree with your husband. Don't take it personally. Don't answer his abusive blurts either. Just act like he never said them. If they are constant you may have to make being respectful a condition of living in your house as well. He COULD be much better, but is unwilling to go for help and has no fire to advocate for his treatment, which I did. I had that fire to get better, even when I was at my worst. Light a fire under him. He needs that. If he gives into the depression, and you make it easy for him to do so, he is just going to keep being depressed. In my own home, I also would not allow a grown child to live in my sanctuary yet refuse to talk to me. That would not be acceptable. He would answer me and talk to me with respect or again have to find another place to live. Are you 100% that your son does not use any drugs? I did not mean to sound harsh and I hope I did not come off that way. But I know depression well. It is horrible. But it is one of the most treatable mental illnesses that exist. So is anxiety. Yes, he may need minimal medications all his life, but the medications that work will bring him back to normal, not make him different. And don't let him try to tell you pot helps his depression. Pot doesn't help depression. Hugs and keep us posted. I'm particularly interested as we have similar issues. I want him to get the help he needs. Yes, we all can have bad experiences with bad therapists, but we can move on and look for good ones and great ones and great ones do exist. Wishing you the best. [/QUOTE]
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