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Seeking help with addicted daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742551" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>In the 3 and a half years I have posted here there have been so many grandmothers in this situation. There is no right answer except the one that you can live with. What you will come to is the less bad solution. There is one alternative that is worse than the other. And that is how you will decide.</p><p></p><p>I am not in your situation. I would long for grandchildren. I believe I would subject myself to any indignity to be close to them. But the reality of things is that I threw out my son from a rental we own, 4 months ago, because it got too much to take. </p><p></p><p>But I am trying to find a compromise with him. He is homeless in a metro a few hours from here. And I find that intolerable too. So I am in the same kind of situation, deciding between two hard things. The way I am dealing with it is putting forth what are non-negotiables for me. A bottom line. And I am saying, this is what I need. <em>I can't go on the old way. </em>In our case my son needs the housing. </p><p></p><p>If you have something that your daughter wants and needs, I think you may have leverage. It is really sad to have to put it this way, but this is real life. And there is the bottom line, which is you love your daughter. You hate the drama but you love her.</p><p></p><p>I think missing Olivia will decide things. Either you will want to stop the pain, and draw a line, or you will decide to try for relationship, and try to change yourself in order to deal with the reality of how things are. </p><p></p><p>A friend told me about a couple she knows with a young adult child with fetal alcohol syndrome, who began drugs and went homeless. He met a woman and had a baby. The parents had an in law apartment and the couple with the grandbaby moved in the house. (I am pretty sure they stopped the drugs.) And the grandmother/mother got an apartment because she felt consumed by the situation. And the father is in heaven caring for the baby. I write this, because people all over the country are dealing with this right now. </p><p></p><p>But not one of us is like the other. We come to these resolutions through a great deal of pain and struggle. I hope you keep posting. Welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742551, member: 18958"] In the 3 and a half years I have posted here there have been so many grandmothers in this situation. There is no right answer except the one that you can live with. What you will come to is the less bad solution. There is one alternative that is worse than the other. And that is how you will decide. I am not in your situation. I would long for grandchildren. I believe I would subject myself to any indignity to be close to them. But the reality of things is that I threw out my son from a rental we own, 4 months ago, because it got too much to take. But I am trying to find a compromise with him. He is homeless in a metro a few hours from here. And I find that intolerable too. So I am in the same kind of situation, deciding between two hard things. The way I am dealing with it is putting forth what are non-negotiables for me. A bottom line. And I am saying, this is what I need. [I]I can't go on the old way. [/I]In our case my son needs the housing. [I][/I] If you have something that your daughter wants and needs, I think you may have leverage. It is really sad to have to put it this way, but this is real life. And there is the bottom line, which is you love your daughter. You hate the drama but you love her. I think missing Olivia will decide things. Either you will want to stop the pain, and draw a line, or you will decide to try for relationship, and try to change yourself in order to deal with the reality of how things are. A friend told me about a couple she knows with a young adult child with fetal alcohol syndrome, who began drugs and went homeless. He met a woman and had a baby. The parents had an in law apartment and the couple with the grandbaby moved in the house. (I am pretty sure they stopped the drugs.) And the grandmother/mother got an apartment because she felt consumed by the situation. And the father is in heaven caring for the baby. I write this, because people all over the country are dealing with this right now. But not one of us is like the other. We come to these resolutions through a great deal of pain and struggle. I hope you keep posting. Welcome. [/QUOTE]
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