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Seeking help with addicted daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="elizabrary" data-source="post: 745368" data-attributes="member: 11235"><p>My daughter and granddaughter lived with me 2 different times. The first time she fled her abusive baby daddy. Of course, just a few days later she was back in contact with him. I told her if she wanted to be in a relationship with him she couldn't stay in my house. So she packed up the baby and left in a blizzard, of course telling everyone I kicked her out. It had me worried sick, but she found a place for her, the baby and the baby daddy to live and wound up with a car somehow. Who knows where that came from. The second time she came to live with me was about 2 years later and she had been away from her baby daddy for some time and had moved to another state with some guy she met on the internet. Surprisingly that didn't work out, so she showed up on my doorstep with the baby at 2 am. I let her in and the following day we had a discussion and I laid out ground rules: she had to have a job in 2 weeks, she had to give me 30% of her pay towards living expenses, she had to ask at least 2 days in advance if I would babysit, she had to come home every night, etc. She did OK for awhile, but then started slipping, as she always does. She seems to run in 3-4 month cycles with good/bad behavior. So I told her she had to go and she can't live with me again. As soon as she broke the agreement I told her she had to go. It wasn't fun and I was super stressed for awhile, but it was the best in the long run. She struggled for quite awhile, but got herself together and maintained housing and a job and was sober for 18 months. I never give her money for anything. If she needs something paid for my granddaughter (like gymnastics fees) I pay it directly and I buy the things my granddaughter needs, rather than giving her money to purchase things. Once I figured out my boundaries and how to maintain them and stuck to it things changed a lot for me. It made my life so much easier and peaceful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elizabrary, post: 745368, member: 11235"] My daughter and granddaughter lived with me 2 different times. The first time she fled her abusive baby daddy. Of course, just a few days later she was back in contact with him. I told her if she wanted to be in a relationship with him she couldn't stay in my house. So she packed up the baby and left in a blizzard, of course telling everyone I kicked her out. It had me worried sick, but she found a place for her, the baby and the baby daddy to live and wound up with a car somehow. Who knows where that came from. The second time she came to live with me was about 2 years later and she had been away from her baby daddy for some time and had moved to another state with some guy she met on the internet. Surprisingly that didn't work out, so she showed up on my doorstep with the baby at 2 am. I let her in and the following day we had a discussion and I laid out ground rules: she had to have a job in 2 weeks, she had to give me 30% of her pay towards living expenses, she had to ask at least 2 days in advance if I would babysit, she had to come home every night, etc. She did OK for awhile, but then started slipping, as she always does. She seems to run in 3-4 month cycles with good/bad behavior. So I told her she had to go and she can't live with me again. As soon as she broke the agreement I told her she had to go. It wasn't fun and I was super stressed for awhile, but it was the best in the long run. She struggled for quite awhile, but got herself together and maintained housing and a job and was sober for 18 months. I never give her money for anything. If she needs something paid for my granddaughter (like gymnastics fees) I pay it directly and I buy the things my granddaughter needs, rather than giving her money to purchase things. Once I figured out my boundaries and how to maintain them and stuck to it things changed a lot for me. It made my life so much easier and peaceful. [/QUOTE]
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