Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Self-Forgiveness
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667742" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If we're truth telling here, I did it back to her sometimes after she did it to me.</p><p></p><p>"See how it feels."</p><p></p><p>That's why I said we were locked into a tit for a tat.</p><p></p><p>I feel very foolish for ever having sunk that low and am embarassed to own it, but I wanted to get back at her for what she did to me. Every time the cops came, I was scared. I don't know how she felt. I was not a threat to call the cops on her unless she did it to me first so she controlled it, but I am still ashamed. I know we are not supposed to be ashamed, but I am. I could have taken a very different tactic. I could have done what I'm doing now.</p><p></p><p>Nothing. Silence. Shunning? I really needed to shun her way earlier than now. I cared about getting back at her at one time. I admit it. She will never admit sh e liked getting back at me, but she did. She liked to win. Her shun was her win. Our game was sick and destructive to us both. But it's true that she was always the one who came back and I let her in, even after cops and invalidation and knowing she had never stuck up for me to our mother. Yes, I was angry at her at times and, although she has called me a liar, I'm the only one willing to call myself out on what I did. She has never posted on her site, that she no longer can post on, that she just happened to shut me up by repeatedly calling thecops on me, even after I moved out of state. the cop she called repeatedly was a really low blow. He was the father of one of my daughter's closest friends and she told him I was bipolar, which is kind of true (I have a mood disorder not otherwise specified). But she involved my daughter in this. Or could have if he had bought what she was selling. I told him I had a mood disorder without shame (I am not ashamed of it) and he told me that his girlfriend was on an antidepressant. Her attempt to smear me to my community just made HER look bad, but wasn't that nice? Sok her cop calling didn't stop when I moved away from her.</p><p></p><p>Wonder if she ever called the cops on her abusive boyfriend. Hmmmmmmm....</p><p></p><p>I was very angry at her when she was unking to me, but I lack the ability to stay angry for long periods of time. I should clarify.</p><p></p><p>As soon as somebody says "I'm sorry" I am no longer angry. My mother never said it, never thought she had done one thing wrong, although she was wicked in her deed and intent. After all that, if she would have said, "I'm sorry" I would have forgiven her completely. That's how I used to be a nd I still am.</p><p></p><p>My sister is too sure she is in the right to ever say "I'm sorry." She never said that when she came back. She would say, "Well, it's the holidays. I don't want hard feelings" or "I want you in my life so I studied borderline..." lololol. THANKS! But I let her back in, no matter what her reason.</p><p></p><p>How would it go this time?</p><p></p><p>Daphne: "I think we should all put this behind us for dad's sake."</p><p></p><p>Me: No.</p><p></p><p>What if s he actually said "I'm sorry?" (Never happen, but I'm fantacizing)</p><p></p><p>I would say, "I forgive you. But we need to stay apart forever."</p><p></p><p>That's where I have changed. I am angry that I was ever angry enough at her to be drawn into her revenge games. I am angry at me that it took so long for me to totally get it and bow out. I am angry I wasted any time interacting with her when I knew where it would end up.</p><p></p><p>I planned an 85th birthday party for my dad and, at the very last minute, our landlord told us he was moving back to the house we lived in that weekend, making us need to find a new place to live right away. (We did not know tenant rights/laws). So I thought we couldn't go to Chicago because we had to look for a new place to live STAT, and that turned into a huge "You were horrible to Dad thing." Sister e-mailed me that brother had canceled his flight. She claims she never sent the e-mail. Whatever. There was no reason to cancel the party because of me not being able to come in. My brother had not canceled his flight and was there. My sister was there. My kids and her kids would have been there. I would have sent a gift and apologies, but we were not in a position to take even two days off to show up. More happened. This was when I started to see just how scapegoated I was. Even my dad got into the act there. If this had happened now, I just would have not gotten back to anyone until they were calm and nice. And if that didn't happen...not my circus, not my monkeys.</p><p></p><p>But I would never have planned a party, thinking my family could be functional if one quirk popped up. It wouldn't happen again.</p><p></p><p>I learned so much with you two. One is how to kindly love people even if we hate what they did.</p><p></p><p>"Love the sinner, hate the sin."</p><p></p><p>I guess I'm there because I'm in serious apathy. I hope nothing happens to my siblings. I never want to interact with either again for any reason.</p><p></p><p>I was not blameless. I am sorry, truly sorry and regretful, for anything I ever did to fight back or to hurt them in any way.</p><p></p><p>I will never hear that from them as they don't think THEY did anything wrong to me. It is 100% me. That's how they think in my FOO.</p><p></p><p>F my FOO. I don't need them. I am building my own support system with my Peer-to-Peer class and my group therapy friends. All us, as sis would say, crazy ladies who live cleaner, saner lives than her drinking, goofy friends...lol. Was that a nasty cut?</p><p></p><p>You decide <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Thanks for being there, both of you. You may be my best friends of all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667742, member: 1550"] If we're truth telling here, I did it back to her sometimes after she did it to me. "See how it feels." That's why I said we were locked into a tit for a tat. I feel very foolish for ever having sunk that low and am embarassed to own it, but I wanted to get back at her for what she did to me. Every time the cops came, I was scared. I don't know how she felt. I was not a threat to call the cops on her unless she did it to me first so she controlled it, but I am still ashamed. I know we are not supposed to be ashamed, but I am. I could have taken a very different tactic. I could have done what I'm doing now. Nothing. Silence. Shunning? I really needed to shun her way earlier than now. I cared about getting back at her at one time. I admit it. She will never admit sh e liked getting back at me, but she did. She liked to win. Her shun was her win. Our game was sick and destructive to us both. But it's true that she was always the one who came back and I let her in, even after cops and invalidation and knowing she had never stuck up for me to our mother. Yes, I was angry at her at times and, although she has called me a liar, I'm the only one willing to call myself out on what I did. She has never posted on her site, that she no longer can post on, that she just happened to shut me up by repeatedly calling thecops on me, even after I moved out of state. the cop she called repeatedly was a really low blow. He was the father of one of my daughter's closest friends and she told him I was bipolar, which is kind of true (I have a mood disorder not otherwise specified). But she involved my daughter in this. Or could have if he had bought what she was selling. I told him I had a mood disorder without shame (I am not ashamed of it) and he told me that his girlfriend was on an antidepressant. Her attempt to smear me to my community just made HER look bad, but wasn't that nice? Sok her cop calling didn't stop when I moved away from her. Wonder if she ever called the cops on her abusive boyfriend. Hmmmmmmm.... I was very angry at her when she was unking to me, but I lack the ability to stay angry for long periods of time. I should clarify. As soon as somebody says "I'm sorry" I am no longer angry. My mother never said it, never thought she had done one thing wrong, although she was wicked in her deed and intent. After all that, if she would have said, "I'm sorry" I would have forgiven her completely. That's how I used to be a nd I still am. My sister is too sure she is in the right to ever say "I'm sorry." She never said that when she came back. She would say, "Well, it's the holidays. I don't want hard feelings" or "I want you in my life so I studied borderline..." lololol. THANKS! But I let her back in, no matter what her reason. How would it go this time? Daphne: "I think we should all put this behind us for dad's sake." Me: No. What if s he actually said "I'm sorry?" (Never happen, but I'm fantacizing) I would say, "I forgive you. But we need to stay apart forever." That's where I have changed. I am angry that I was ever angry enough at her to be drawn into her revenge games. I am angry at me that it took so long for me to totally get it and bow out. I am angry I wasted any time interacting with her when I knew where it would end up. I planned an 85th birthday party for my dad and, at the very last minute, our landlord told us he was moving back to the house we lived in that weekend, making us need to find a new place to live right away. (We did not know tenant rights/laws). So I thought we couldn't go to Chicago because we had to look for a new place to live STAT, and that turned into a huge "You were horrible to Dad thing." Sister e-mailed me that brother had canceled his flight. She claims she never sent the e-mail. Whatever. There was no reason to cancel the party because of me not being able to come in. My brother had not canceled his flight and was there. My sister was there. My kids and her kids would have been there. I would have sent a gift and apologies, but we were not in a position to take even two days off to show up. More happened. This was when I started to see just how scapegoated I was. Even my dad got into the act there. If this had happened now, I just would have not gotten back to anyone until they were calm and nice. And if that didn't happen...not my circus, not my monkeys. But I would never have planned a party, thinking my family could be functional if one quirk popped up. It wouldn't happen again. I learned so much with you two. One is how to kindly love people even if we hate what they did. "Love the sinner, hate the sin." I guess I'm there because I'm in serious apathy. I hope nothing happens to my siblings. I never want to interact with either again for any reason. I was not blameless. I am sorry, truly sorry and regretful, for anything I ever did to fight back or to hurt them in any way. I will never hear that from them as they don't think THEY did anything wrong to me. It is 100% me. That's how they think in my FOO. F my FOO. I don't need them. I am building my own support system with my Peer-to-Peer class and my group therapy friends. All us, as sis would say, crazy ladies who live cleaner, saner lives than her drinking, goofy friends...lol. Was that a nasty cut? You decide ;) Thanks for being there, both of you. You may be my best friends of all. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Self-Forgiveness
Top