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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667764" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes.</p><p>I think that is what I am dealing with. These past 3 years, however valiant I may have been, and however much I may have done the right thing, I was defeated by it. I did not have the capacity to endure what I endured. I was felled and could not get up.</p><p></p><p>However much we may not define it as a failure, it feels to me that I failed. I no longer "worked" anymore.</p><p>From their mothers.</p><p>That there was open season on the oldest girl child.</p><p>Yes. I am trying and trying to understand why when we are attacked, we continue to blame ourselves. Even when we know we were innocent. Like me with Modesta and Admina. I felt guilty as charged, regardless of what was said. That, I carry in me. That is how we can understand what is happening, but because we are flooded with shame, we feel we must have done wrong. It is a repetition of events that have occurred many, many times before.</p><p>David Brooks. On realclearpolitics.com there is a long editorial he wrote for NY Times. The title is something like <u>A Formation Story for Joe Biden?</u> Interesting.</p><p>I have mentioned that my sister mid way in her life began 12 step groups beginning with Overeaters Anonymous, and later AA, and began to define herself as a Recovering Alcoholic. The thing was, she did not drink to excess. Of course everybody gets to define themselves to a point. But 2 glasses of wine a few days a week, is not your typical alcoholic.</p><p></p><p>She is not alone in needing to develop or responding to a narrative of recovery and redemption. But there really was an aspect of "I walk with the Lord." She became a sponsor, gave speeches about her rise from the gutter to the heights. I mean, now that I think about it, there is a quality like Rachel Dolezal the woman who headed the Spokane, Wash NAACP who was unmasked as a white woman living and describing herself as Black in a web of lies. My sister does not lie about her biography, but there is still an aspect of artifice in her need to create this story of triumph from degradation.</p><p>Someday I will tell you my own concerns about my own story.</p><p>If I had a tattoo on my forehead it would say this. It is imprinted in my cerebral cortex.</p><p>Yes.</p><p>Yes. So what are our next steps?</p><p></p><p>I think it is as you say. It is working with the reservoir of shame. I think we understand when it is triggered, by our sisters, especially. Is there a way to let go of the shame? What will diminish it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667764, member: 18958"] Yes. I think that is what I am dealing with. These past 3 years, however valiant I may have been, and however much I may have done the right thing, I was defeated by it. I did not have the capacity to endure what I endured. I was felled and could not get up. However much we may not define it as a failure, it feels to me that I failed. I no longer "worked" anymore. From their mothers. That there was open season on the oldest girl child. Yes. I am trying and trying to understand why when we are attacked, we continue to blame ourselves. Even when we know we were innocent. Like me with Modesta and Admina. I felt guilty as charged, regardless of what was said. That, I carry in me. That is how we can understand what is happening, but because we are flooded with shame, we feel we must have done wrong. It is a repetition of events that have occurred many, many times before. David Brooks. On realclearpolitics.com there is a long editorial he wrote for NY Times. The title is something like [U]A Formation Story for Joe Biden?[/U] Interesting. I have mentioned that my sister mid way in her life began 12 step groups beginning with Overeaters Anonymous, and later AA, and began to define herself as a Recovering Alcoholic. The thing was, she did not drink to excess. Of course everybody gets to define themselves to a point. But 2 glasses of wine a few days a week, is not your typical alcoholic. She is not alone in needing to develop or responding to a narrative of recovery and redemption. But there really was an aspect of "I walk with the Lord." She became a sponsor, gave speeches about her rise from the gutter to the heights. I mean, now that I think about it, there is a quality like Rachel Dolezal the woman who headed the Spokane, Wash NAACP who was unmasked as a white woman living and describing herself as Black in a web of lies. My sister does not lie about her biography, but there is still an aspect of artifice in her need to create this story of triumph from degradation. Someday I will tell you my own concerns about my own story. If I had a tattoo on my forehead it would say this. It is imprinted in my cerebral cortex. Yes. Yes. So what are our next steps? I think it is as you say. It is working with the reservoir of shame. I think we understand when it is triggered, by our sisters, especially. Is there a way to let go of the shame? What will diminish it? [/QUOTE]
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