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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 667818" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I don't know, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I am reading <em>Healing the Shame That Binds You</em> in a few days, once I finish the first two. The first: Brene Brown's <em>Rising Strong.</em> The second (I've already begun it, actually) Joel Osteen's <em>Breakout! Five Keys to Go Beyond Your Barriers and Live an Extraordinary Life. </em>I still have the book on character, and will review the concluding, summing up chapters before I return it.</p><p></p><p>Then, partly because of our reading and partly because of our discussions <em>and partly because of our families of origin</em>, <em>and of the story of Joseph and every smallest part of what happened around that story, </em>we will know a little more.</p><p></p><p>Somewhere in there, it would be good to re-read Charles Williams' <em>The Greater Trumps. </em>That is my favorite book, too. </p><p></p><p>After watching the Republican debate last night, I know this: In each of the candidates, there was an amazing display of what character is, and of how we can come clear around the issue of shame. In the sense of anxiety, and of how we see and interpret and respond to our internal realities. </p><p></p><p>To those freaking negative tapes.</p><p></p><p>Also I have, not only another new and kindly ethical mom: Jeb Bush, but a model for a sister. (Just as an aside, I was absolutely impressed with my mom Dr. Ben Carson. I am blown away, by the way he thinks and sees.) A model for how a sister could be: Carly Fiorina. Did you know she buried an addicted son?</p><p></p><p>She is one of us.</p><p></p><p>Carly reminds me of you, Copa. She is strong, and so brilliantly well-spoken, and focused. Fiery, like you. And brave, and kind.</p><p></p><p>Beautifully dressed.</p><p></p><p>Clean.</p><p></p><p>Focused.</p><p></p><p>You guys, <em>she is not afraid of Donald. None of them are. No braggadocio.</em></p><p></p><p>That is character. </p><p></p><p>I enjoyed the manner in which she responded to Donald's comment about her face, and the way she shook his hand and turned away before he could massage his way into her ego.</p><p></p><p>I loved watching the interaction between Donald and my new mom, Jeb.</p><p></p><p>I loved watching the debate. Character. That is what I saw in each of them as they interacted, as they responded on their feet.</p><p></p><p>I am excited to see what there is to be seen in the upcoming Democratic debate.</p><p></p><p>October 13th, I think it is.</p><p></p><p>Character.</p><p></p><p>And it comes from the ways each candidate has ordered his or her internal reality. That is what we are doing, here. Reordering our internal realities through thought and reasoning and through ethical choice of position; through ethical self and other definition, and through what we believe about ourselves. We can learn, from watching debates where the candidates too are flying by the seats of their pants (like we are, here) something new to us about what is real, about how to meet challenge; we can learn some new thing about how to come clear around shame. Not only those candidates I have mentioned, but every one of the participants in that debate.</p><p></p><p>We are not to discuss politics here on the site. I hope not to be fudging around the edges of that rule...but I feel so honored, and so outrageously fortunate, to have seen each of these people respond on their feet, and through their characters.</p><p></p><p>Character.</p><p></p><p>What an amazing night last night was.</p><p></p><p>Imagery of the Buddha ~ all those activities the Buddha engages in, the feel of those energies can heal and bring us up all on their own, I think.</p><p></p><p>So, we will do that, too.</p><p></p><p>That breathy place, that laughing place; those places of joy from within and of acceptance, for what is outside. Those imageries too, are where we find a way to do this, and not to judge, which is the other side of anger and kissing cousin to shame, and not to hate, which is the other side of shame.</p><p></p><p>Healing will feel like self acceptance. That is where we will be, at the end of this. What a lot of working we have done to get to that.</p><p></p><p>I will be happy to have my sense of delight back.</p><p></p><p>It will be like removing the barriers to delight-in-place. Just as there is shunning, and shunning in place, so there is momentary delight, and delight-in-place.</p><p></p><p>So, that will be where we are going, then.</p><p></p><p>Delight in place.</p><p></p><p>From evolution of character.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know that feeling of functioning from a place without strength or light or color Copa, and with nothing to mirror the self. It no longer mattered what I did...I was certain I would lose; that I would fail, that I was failing in some sense I could not see even in the moment I was in. It was the collapse of role function I think, Copa. For me, that's what it was. I had failed my kids and myself and my chosen function, which was to create healthy family. </p><p></p><p>I had nothing that was not a place of failure.</p><p></p><p>Then...along came the first therapist.</p><p></p><p>And that took care of whatever was left of me. </p><p></p><p>Maybe, that is why each of us has the insight she has, today. We have had to face ourselves without illusion and it did us in.</p><p></p><p>We are not meant to stay done, Copa. We are meant to change and heal and you and Serenity and I are fine as and where and how we are.</p><p></p><p>We are in process.</p><p> </p><p>We are moving quickly, now.</p><p></p><p>We will not be afraid of that, then.</p><p></p><p>Dragon, rising. Remember the scroll.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>I awakened thinking about the concept of shame, this morning. </p><p></p><p>Not about how it feels, but about what it is, and about how it will have informed our thinking. </p><p></p><p>Actually, I came up with something brilliant. I was lying there figuring it out but then, doing all the things we do in the morning, by the time I'd made coffee and begun reading here, I'd lost track of it. </p><p></p><p>Rats.</p><p></p><p>It was like, the Unified Field Theory of Shame. Everything fit. Everything we see and don't see and how that vibrates and why.</p><p></p><p>It went beyond the sisters and the moms...but here is a piece of it. Why the mothers and sisters resonate as they do has something to do with the three way split of femininity required in role-rigid family, in the cultures of scarcity we grew up in. Shame has something to do with who we think we <em>can</em> be, in the sense of that feminine role.</p><p></p><p>It has something to do with the easy reach and acceptance in flexibility, and with the role entrapment of rigidity. </p><p></p><p>And in the sense of what was already taken and given, and had then to be taken or given back. With the culture of scarcity, and the reality of abundantly, generously, unimaginably more than enough, reality.</p><p></p><p>Of secure excess.</p><p></p><p>Of no fear.</p><p></p><p>Of nothing to protect; of circumstance easily changed, of swimming strongly and breathing easily from a place beyond fear.</p><p></p><p>Okay, so that was my morning, you guys.</p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 667818, member: 17461"] I don't know, Copa. I am reading [I]Healing the Shame That Binds You[/I] in a few days, once I finish the first two. The first: Brene Brown's [I]Rising Strong.[/I] The second (I've already begun it, actually) Joel Osteen's [I]Breakout! Five Keys to Go Beyond Your Barriers and Live an Extraordinary Life. [/I]I still have the book on character, and will review the concluding, summing up chapters before I return it. [I][/I] Then, partly because of our reading and partly because of our discussions [I]and partly because of our families of origin[/I], [I]and of the story of Joseph and every smallest part of what happened around that story, [/I]we will know a little more. Somewhere in there, it would be good to re-read Charles Williams' [I]The Greater Trumps. [/I]That is my favorite book, too. After watching the Republican debate last night, I know this: In each of the candidates, there was an amazing display of what character is, and of how we can come clear around the issue of shame. In the sense of anxiety, and of how we see and interpret and respond to our internal realities. To those freaking negative tapes. Also I have, not only another new and kindly ethical mom: Jeb Bush, but a model for a sister. (Just as an aside, I was absolutely impressed with my mom Dr. Ben Carson. I am blown away, by the way he thinks and sees.) A model for how a sister could be: Carly Fiorina. Did you know she buried an addicted son? She is one of us. Carly reminds me of you, Copa. She is strong, and so brilliantly well-spoken, and focused. Fiery, like you. And brave, and kind. Beautifully dressed. Clean. Focused. You guys, [I]she is not afraid of Donald. None of them are. No braggadocio.[/I] That is character. I enjoyed the manner in which she responded to Donald's comment about her face, and the way she shook his hand and turned away before he could massage his way into her ego. I loved watching the interaction between Donald and my new mom, Jeb. I loved watching the debate. Character. That is what I saw in each of them as they interacted, as they responded on their feet. I am excited to see what there is to be seen in the upcoming Democratic debate. October 13th, I think it is. Character. And it comes from the ways each candidate has ordered his or her internal reality. That is what we are doing, here. Reordering our internal realities through thought and reasoning and through ethical choice of position; through ethical self and other definition, and through what we believe about ourselves. We can learn, from watching debates where the candidates too are flying by the seats of their pants (like we are, here) something new to us about what is real, about how to meet challenge; we can learn some new thing about how to come clear around shame. Not only those candidates I have mentioned, but every one of the participants in that debate. We are not to discuss politics here on the site. I hope not to be fudging around the edges of that rule...but I feel so honored, and so outrageously fortunate, to have seen each of these people respond on their feet, and through their characters. Character. What an amazing night last night was. Imagery of the Buddha ~ all those activities the Buddha engages in, the feel of those energies can heal and bring us up all on their own, I think. So, we will do that, too. That breathy place, that laughing place; those places of joy from within and of acceptance, for what is outside. Those imageries too, are where we find a way to do this, and not to judge, which is the other side of anger and kissing cousin to shame, and not to hate, which is the other side of shame. Healing will feel like self acceptance. That is where we will be, at the end of this. What a lot of working we have done to get to that. I will be happy to have my sense of delight back. It will be like removing the barriers to delight-in-place. Just as there is shunning, and shunning in place, so there is momentary delight, and delight-in-place. So, that will be where we are going, then. Delight in place. From evolution of character. :O) I know that feeling of functioning from a place without strength or light or color Copa, and with nothing to mirror the self. It no longer mattered what I did...I was certain I would lose; that I would fail, that I was failing in some sense I could not see even in the moment I was in. It was the collapse of role function I think, Copa. For me, that's what it was. I had failed my kids and myself and my chosen function, which was to create healthy family. I had nothing that was not a place of failure. Then...along came the first therapist. And that took care of whatever was left of me. Maybe, that is why each of us has the insight she has, today. We have had to face ourselves without illusion and it did us in. We are not meant to stay done, Copa. We are meant to change and heal and you and Serenity and I are fine as and where and how we are. We are in process. We are moving quickly, now. We will not be afraid of that, then. Dragon, rising. Remember the scroll. *** I awakened thinking about the concept of shame, this morning. Not about how it feels, but about what it is, and about how it will have informed our thinking. Actually, I came up with something brilliant. I was lying there figuring it out but then, doing all the things we do in the morning, by the time I'd made coffee and begun reading here, I'd lost track of it. Rats. It was like, the Unified Field Theory of Shame. Everything fit. Everything we see and don't see and how that vibrates and why. It went beyond the sisters and the moms...but here is a piece of it. Why the mothers and sisters resonate as they do has something to do with the three way split of femininity required in role-rigid family, in the cultures of scarcity we grew up in. Shame has something to do with who we think we [I]can[/I] be, in the sense of that feminine role. It has something to do with the easy reach and acceptance in flexibility, and with the role entrapment of rigidity. And in the sense of what was already taken and given, and had then to be taken or given back. With the culture of scarcity, and the reality of abundantly, generously, unimaginably more than enough, reality. Of secure excess. Of no fear. Of nothing to protect; of circumstance easily changed, of swimming strongly and breathing easily from a place beyond fear. Okay, so that was my morning, you guys. :) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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