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Sent the email that said NO $ to gfg32
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 620377" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I love it that you sent the email. That is being proactive. I just recently learned to do that. It felt scary, because it was such a change for me. But then, I began to feel so strong and clean and right about what I had done. There is so much dread and tension floating around under the cares of everyday when we are distracted by what our difficult child kids are doing. By taking action we cut through all that.</p><p></p><p>We are no longer waiting for the difficult child to act to see what is going to happen next in our own lives.</p><p></p><p>We are the ones setting the tone for future interactions. </p><p></p><p>It feels so good to get your mojo back!</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>I agree that your difficult child will up the ante now. I think that may be why he is contacting his sibs ~ looking for allies. He may try to triangulate in your family, next. If one is isolated, that one will be the one he goes to for money and to validate his viewpoint.</p><p></p><p>It will be easier for you if you can understand that right now, difficult child isn't himself. He is being so manipulative with the "Dad isn't a man" stuff and the "future daughter in law" stuff. Do you think he is subtly threatening that you will not be invited to the ceremony?</p><p></p><p>Later, after difficult child is no longer using drugs and is thinking in a healthy way again, the hurt in all this can be addressed. But for now, it is best to be on guard, to protect your heart, your relationship to husband and to your other children, and your pocketbook. </p><p></p><p>I wanted to add that it helps me to remember that it isn't that I am refusing to give difficult child money. It isn't that I am so broke myself that I can't afford to give difficult child money. It is that I refuse to give difficult child, or anyone, my money so they can throw into a hole. As your difficult child is 32, you know what I mean by that. Keep saying "NO", SS. It is so important for us to see that piece, Strength. Once difficult child really gets it that you aren't going to send money, he is going to get mad. You will be called all sorts of things to anyone who will listen. That is going to hurt. There is no defense, no way to make it look better without condemning difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>I have been there (I think I am still there, now that I think about it) with difficult child son. It's been such a long time since he has thought well of us ~ whether we give him money or not. After awhile, that gets to be an old pain, not too sharp to bear.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 620377, member: 17461"] I love it that you sent the email. That is being proactive. I just recently learned to do that. It felt scary, because it was such a change for me. But then, I began to feel so strong and clean and right about what I had done. There is so much dread and tension floating around under the cares of everyday when we are distracted by what our difficult child kids are doing. By taking action we cut through all that. We are no longer waiting for the difficult child to act to see what is going to happen next in our own lives. We are the ones setting the tone for future interactions. It feels so good to get your mojo back! :O) I agree that your difficult child will up the ante now. I think that may be why he is contacting his sibs ~ looking for allies. He may try to triangulate in your family, next. If one is isolated, that one will be the one he goes to for money and to validate his viewpoint. It will be easier for you if you can understand that right now, difficult child isn't himself. He is being so manipulative with the "Dad isn't a man" stuff and the "future daughter in law" stuff. Do you think he is subtly threatening that you will not be invited to the ceremony? Later, after difficult child is no longer using drugs and is thinking in a healthy way again, the hurt in all this can be addressed. But for now, it is best to be on guard, to protect your heart, your relationship to husband and to your other children, and your pocketbook. I wanted to add that it helps me to remember that it isn't that I am refusing to give difficult child money. It isn't that I am so broke myself that I can't afford to give difficult child money. It is that I refuse to give difficult child, or anyone, my money so they can throw into a hole. As your difficult child is 32, you know what I mean by that. Keep saying "NO", SS. It is so important for us to see that piece, Strength. Once difficult child really gets it that you aren't going to send money, he is going to get mad. You will be called all sorts of things to anyone who will listen. That is going to hurt. There is no defense, no way to make it look better without condemning difficult child. I have been there (I think I am still there, now that I think about it) with difficult child son. It's been such a long time since he has thought well of us ~ whether we give him money or not. After awhile, that gets to be an old pain, not too sharp to bear. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Sent the email that said NO $ to gfg32
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