It is not only that our children are burdensome to us. The whole idea is fallacious--that you have responsibility for another grown adult. You walk in your shoes to make your life and life path. How can you carry your son?
To recognize that our adult children carry the burden of their own lives is to show them respect. This is a gift to them, not a denial. To carry somebody as a burden, is to deprive them of autonomy and purpose. To the extent we are able to set limits--we act to challenge our children to create unique and meaningful life stories that enrich them and others. To the extent that we carry them, we deprive them of the richest of gifts that life has to offer. Their life stories.
These people that judge you or seek to make themselves bigger at your expense and that of your son are opportunists and small people. We too have been hurt by people like this. Even some family members have judged me. In my case, it was because I was not so strong. I kept carrying my son. Too long. At the expense of myself.
But I was hurt, too, by the other kind: the people who judge you for setting limits, believing they can do better. All of this, so painful. I have said before: to the extent I suffered for one minute from the actions and words of these people, I regret. They are unimportant.
We know what you do, joy: To define yourself as worthy and worth it, you model for your child the same thing. You give him the gift of the freedom to have a purpose and value that comes from self-respect.
