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So I took the advice about doing something for me. I worked in my yard and picked out much needed eye glasses. My husband picked them actually it was fun! Later tonight my youngest son told me he was texting his brother and the replies were this is not his phone and my son had sold him this phone.  Wow really.  Never freaking again never again. In every strength I have I will not allow myself to worry and have the crazy thoughts of what if. I can't do that anymore even though the what if linger. If I have to post sticky notes all over my house,car, work saying don't do it I deserve to live my life happy. I am hoping to find some type of support group for my situation.  Not sure if it's Al-Non or codependency I don't know but surely there's something. I'm ready to walk thru the doors full of strangers and let them here my cries and anger about my son. I need to keep coming here yall are great and truly get what I type. I thank everyone here!