Although at Twelve Step meetings you each take turns talking, if you choose to talk at all (you dont have to) it is not just venting about them, but it is much about helping ourselves. Its a lot about us as we work the twelve steps.
I believe in Al Anon the firsy step is "We admit that we are powerless over our loved ones addiction and hand it to a power greater than our own" In Coda, i think it is " we admit we are powerless to change another person and hand it over to a higher power." I am not 100% sure of either as I went to them so long ago. They helped me learn to value myself, which I had really believed to be a selfish thing, and with my daughters addiction I learned to detach.
Detaching doesnt mean to stop loving or never speaking to them again. This would be impossible. We will always love them to the moon. Detaching means to stop enabling them, to allowing them a chance to learn and grow without trying to fix them or taking their bad behavior personally. Its backing out of the drama and living our own lives well, even though we love them and they are making often horrible decisions.
We cant control another adult, even a beloved child. The groups and my therapist kept me moving forward. It was nice to talk to others also who understood and did not condem.
I love the twelve steps. I do think they are more powerful if you strongly know in your heart and soul that there is a higher power. So take that into consideration. A therapist of course does not require a higher power.
Trust me, you can learn ways to move on and you can have a wonderful life. Sometimes we parents have to hit our own rock bottom before we can do what we need to do. But I do feel most parents do hit a rock bottom. And eventually detach and stop thinking about our pfolem adult children 24/7...we start to see the futility pf that ruminating. It doesnt help them if we get sick.
You sound strong, as if you know what you need to do. And I know you will come to peace with all one day. Time and reflection are very helpful friends to us.
Meanwhile, why not do something fantastic for yourself today? You have earned it...in spades. We all have and we all hold your hand.
We understand.
