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Sexual acting out - does it always mean a person was sexually abused?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 448946" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Ditto to Janet's post. I played doctor/nurse with neighborhood boys as a child - WE ALL DID. Back then, it was just exploratory and not so taboo, almost natural curiosity. Of course, if a parent got wind of it or discovered it, we'd get a lecture about private parts, etc. But the natural curiosity was still there (and is still there today in our little ones). Now, that said, that's all child play.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px">As a teen, I also was ignorant about sex and all the details. However, after being ceremoniously dumped at 14 by my first boyfriend FOR NOT HAVING SEX, I made up for lost time. At 15, my then boyfriend talked me into having sex and from there, well, things really took off and I did things I am not proud of. However, while I was seeking acceptance and love, I can also admit that there was sexual abuse in my home growing up. NOT the touching kind, however. It was verbal and simple inappropriateness on my mother's behalf. She would say things about 'time alone' with my dad (and I am using nice words here), or she would refer to women's body parts with slang words instead of anatomically correct names (again, I'm using the nice words here - she did not!). There were other ways in which she prematurely sexualized her daughters, in particular ME for some reason! </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px">However, I know MANY people who were hypersexual throughout their teens and into their 20's and even 30's who were not in any way sexually assaulted. I understand why many therapists point to a history of sexual abuse/assault when teens/young adults act out in a sexually inappropriate manner. The books all point to that, it's true. But your daughter's therapist needs to do her homework - past sexual abuse is not always the case. And because of your daughter's diagnoses, I would be more inclined to say it's related to that rather than a case of sexual abuse. That said, however, it is ALWAYS a good idea to keep that in the back of your head because you just never know. And it may not have been a physical sexual assault, it could have been emotional or verbal; something that harmed her natural sensibilities. Kids react differently to situations. For example, easy child once walked in on H and I in the middle of the act. She immediately slammed the door shut and went outside with her friend (yes, her friend was right on her heels and saw too!). easy child would not talk about it, covered her ears, and always knocked after that. on the other hand, difficult child was standing behind me one morning in the kitchen without me knowing as I flashed H, who was sitting at the table. He nearly spit out his coffee and then I heard her giggle. She just said, "Oh Jeez, Mom" and walked back to her room. She razzes me to this day over that, but it rolled right off. Some kids who walk in on their parents or catch their parents speaking suggestively have very adverse strong reactions to those situation, such as my nephew. He saw his parents having sex and almost immediately began having problems in school relative to his asking little girls to touch him inappropriately.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Anyway, the point is, your daughter may or may not have been sexually abused. It is wrong for the counselor to immediately point to that as an excuse for her behavior, however, it is a consideration that should be kept in the back of you mind. I would NOT continually ask daughter in various ways if she was abused as a means of getting it out of her. Often, the best therapy sessions are sessions that are more conversational rather than with a specific goal on the table. Instead of asking daughter about the past, the therapist should be asking her about the present and take it from there. AFter all, we cannot change the past or make it go away, but we can understand what is going on now and change what's to come. As a veteran counseling patient, I can assure you that no amount of digging and dredging helped me move forward with my life. One of the best things a counselor ever said to me was, "Let's think about what you want in your life and what you don't. Once we figure that part out, we can create short term and long term goals - how does that sound to you?" </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Best of luck with this, I hope you're able to find a counselor who looks outside the box and not just through a textbook for the answers. Not everyone is a textbook example. Big hugs.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 448946, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#000080][SIZE=2]Ditto to Janet's post. I played doctor/nurse with neighborhood boys as a child - WE ALL DID. Back then, it was just exploratory and not so taboo, almost natural curiosity. Of course, if a parent got wind of it or discovered it, we'd get a lecture about private parts, etc. But the natural curiosity was still there (and is still there today in our little ones). Now, that said, that's all child play. As a teen, I also was ignorant about sex and all the details. However, after being ceremoniously dumped at 14 by my first boyfriend FOR NOT HAVING SEX, I made up for lost time. At 15, my then boyfriend talked me into having sex and from there, well, things really took off and I did things I am not proud of. However, while I was seeking acceptance and love, I can also admit that there was sexual abuse in my home growing up. NOT the touching kind, however. It was verbal and simple inappropriateness on my mother's behalf. She would say things about 'time alone' with my dad (and I am using nice words here), or she would refer to women's body parts with slang words instead of anatomically correct names (again, I'm using the nice words here - she did not!). There were other ways in which she prematurely sexualized her daughters, in particular ME for some reason! However, I know MANY people who were hypersexual throughout their teens and into their 20's and even 30's who were not in any way sexually assaulted. I understand why many therapists point to a history of sexual abuse/assault when teens/young adults act out in a sexually inappropriate manner. The books all point to that, it's true. But your daughter's therapist needs to do her homework - past sexual abuse is not always the case. And because of your daughter's diagnoses, I would be more inclined to say it's related to that rather than a case of sexual abuse. That said, however, it is ALWAYS a good idea to keep that in the back of your head because you just never know. And it may not have been a physical sexual assault, it could have been emotional or verbal; something that harmed her natural sensibilities. Kids react differently to situations. For example, easy child once walked in on H and I in the middle of the act. She immediately slammed the door shut and went outside with her friend (yes, her friend was right on her heels and saw too!). easy child would not talk about it, covered her ears, and always knocked after that. on the other hand, difficult child was standing behind me one morning in the kitchen without me knowing as I flashed H, who was sitting at the table. He nearly spit out his coffee and then I heard her giggle. She just said, "Oh Jeez, Mom" and walked back to her room. She razzes me to this day over that, but it rolled right off. Some kids who walk in on their parents or catch their parents speaking suggestively have very adverse strong reactions to those situation, such as my nephew. He saw his parents having sex and almost immediately began having problems in school relative to his asking little girls to touch him inappropriately. Anyway, the point is, your daughter may or may not have been sexually abused. It is wrong for the counselor to immediately point to that as an excuse for her behavior, however, it is a consideration that should be kept in the back of you mind. I would NOT continually ask daughter in various ways if she was abused as a means of getting it out of her. Often, the best therapy sessions are sessions that are more conversational rather than with a specific goal on the table. Instead of asking daughter about the past, the therapist should be asking her about the present and take it from there. AFter all, we cannot change the past or make it go away, but we can understand what is going on now and change what's to come. As a veteran counseling patient, I can assure you that no amount of digging and dredging helped me move forward with my life. One of the best things a counselor ever said to me was, "Let's think about what you want in your life and what you don't. Once we figure that part out, we can create short term and long term goals - how does that sound to you?" Best of luck with this, I hope you're able to find a counselor who looks outside the box and not just through a textbook for the answers. Not everyone is a textbook example. Big hugs.[/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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