Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Sharing the very last time I will Sis break my heart.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 652644" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think they do define us. Our relationships there define our core issues, now.</p><p></p><p>I think this is true.</p><p></p><p>As we have had to battle through everything that has happened with our children, our perspectives about ourselves ~ about our strength and our courage and about who we are in our secret hearts ~ all those things first caused us to question and then, to refute, the things our families of origins taught us were true. Not just about ourselves, but about how we interpret the meaning of everything ~ of our lives, and of ourselves, in our lives.</p><p></p><p>There was so much wrongness there. I still don't get the win. I do see the nature of the game now, and what it is they see as the win.</p><p></p><p>I think I do see that.</p><p></p><p>There is a sense of unbelievability to the way I think about them, now. I feel like I must be a bad person to think about their motives the way that I do. (What kind of person...what kind of person thinks like I do about their own family?)</p><p></p><p>It's very confusing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But if she cannot believe herself the better person, what will she have to protect herself from the true things she will have to work very hard to get through?</p><p></p><p>Is she projecting onto you? And have you (and I, and the others of us who see everything the way we keep on seeing it) believed the projections were true?</p><p></p><p>Maybe, there are people who literally cannot see a different way to think about their life situations?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't know why they want to hurt us. This is an example of what I mean when I post that I don't get the "win" for them.</p><p></p><p>Why would someone who loves us ~ and I mean, even if they don't love us in the mushy sense, for Heaven's sake, they have known us all of our lives ~ why would they want to hurt us?</p><p></p><p>I don't get the win. </p><p></p><p>Why doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>Wise, and wary.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think this is how it will go. Either we will remain in this place where we keep shaking our heads and not feeling the same emotional involvement or protectiveness, or we will reengage, but from a healthier place. </p><p></p><p>In the best of all worlds, we would reengage from a place of compassion.</p><p></p><p>(Or jealousy, for me? It could be jealousy. If you see it in one way, it could be jealousy that I feel. Probably jealous is a big part of it. In this new way of looking, I would identify jealous as the way I have been primed to feel. That I have lost something my sister got ~ the mother, or those kinds of family things. Respect and loving interaction and so on.)</p><p></p><p>Where was I going.</p><p></p><p>Yep.</p><p></p><p>Jealous is in there. Jealous, <em>and the guilt that attends it and weakens me, and blinds me to what is happening as I try to manage my interpretations and feelings appropriately.</em></p><p></p><p>Whenever I start smelling too much like a rose, I get it that there is something pretty important for me to look at.</p><p></p><p>Jealous is so cheap a thing to be.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>But can it be jealous if the thing stolen away or put forward as a bargaining chip should have been freely, endlessly available for each of us and for all of our children?</p><p></p><p>Is it jealous I feel, or...?</p><p></p><p>Rage.</p><p></p><p>Is it jealous I feel, or is it rage at the stupid of all of it, and the pain and the rejection and. </p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>Such a waste, all that pain, for nothing of value at all.</p><p></p><p>Well, that's alright. We are working through it all, and any healthiness injects a little healthiness into our interactions with others.</p><p></p><p>So, we'll just keep doing what we are doing, then.</p><p></p><p>Small steps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 652644, member: 17461"] I think they do define us. Our relationships there define our core issues, now. I think this is true. As we have had to battle through everything that has happened with our children, our perspectives about ourselves ~ about our strength and our courage and about who we are in our secret hearts ~ all those things first caused us to question and then, to refute, the things our families of origins taught us were true. Not just about ourselves, but about how we interpret the meaning of everything ~ of our lives, and of ourselves, in our lives. There was so much wrongness there. I still don't get the win. I do see the nature of the game now, and what it is they see as the win. I think I do see that. There is a sense of unbelievability to the way I think about them, now. I feel like I must be a bad person to think about their motives the way that I do. (What kind of person...what kind of person thinks like I do about their own family?) It's very confusing. But if she cannot believe herself the better person, what will she have to protect herself from the true things she will have to work very hard to get through? Is she projecting onto you? And have you (and I, and the others of us who see everything the way we keep on seeing it) believed the projections were true? Maybe, there are people who literally cannot see a different way to think about their life situations? I don't know why they want to hurt us. This is an example of what I mean when I post that I don't get the "win" for them. Why would someone who loves us ~ and I mean, even if they don't love us in the mushy sense, for Heaven's sake, they have known us all of our lives ~ why would they want to hurt us? I don't get the win. Why doesn't matter. Wise, and wary. I think this is how it will go. Either we will remain in this place where we keep shaking our heads and not feeling the same emotional involvement or protectiveness, or we will reengage, but from a healthier place. In the best of all worlds, we would reengage from a place of compassion. (Or jealousy, for me? It could be jealousy. If you see it in one way, it could be jealousy that I feel. Probably jealous is a big part of it. In this new way of looking, I would identify jealous as the way I have been primed to feel. That I have lost something my sister got ~ the mother, or those kinds of family things. Respect and loving interaction and so on.) Where was I going. Yep. Jealous is in there. Jealous, [I]and the guilt that attends it and weakens me, and blinds me to what is happening as I try to manage my interpretations and feelings appropriately.[/I] Whenever I start smelling too much like a rose, I get it that there is something pretty important for me to look at. Jealous is so cheap a thing to be. Ew. Cedar But can it be jealous if the thing stolen away or put forward as a bargaining chip should have been freely, endlessly available for each of us and for all of our children? Is it jealous I feel, or...? Rage. Is it jealous I feel, or is it rage at the stupid of all of it, and the pain and the rejection and. ? Such a waste, all that pain, for nothing of value at all. Well, that's alright. We are working through it all, and any healthiness injects a little healthiness into our interactions with others. So, we'll just keep doing what we are doing, then. Small steps. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Sharing the very last time I will Sis break my heart.
Top