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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 733369" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I feel for you.</p><p></p><p> We adopted a six year old adorable, smart boy from another country and he never bonded.....even asked his adopted sister to marry him??! She told him where to go and what to do when he got there because SHE understood he was her brother and that it was gross.</p><p></p><p> Once he actually got married he disappeared and it took two years of intensive therapy to grieve his loss (just like a death only he is still alive). It was a grieving process though</p><p></p><p></p><p>Some adult kids are not nice. It is usually parents who gave their kids all and kids who were never abused and we never find out what we did. I am not sure that THEY know. You have no idea if your daughter is nice to everyone but you. Here are ways I got over my son's leaving. And he left the entire family.</p><p></p><p>1. Therapy with an amazing man who understood attachment in adopted kids. Your daughter isn't adopted...was there a major break of a major caregiver in her first five years? Nasty divorce? Foster care? Change of major caregivers? Abuse that she saw? If not this is probably just a not so endearing part of her personality. Is her father in the picture? If not is he a nasty man? Personality is partly inherited. The point is, you probably did nothing to deserve this.</p><p></p><p>2. I have four other kids who are amazing. I started counting my blessings and embracing the good in my life, appreciating my loving kids and my husband and even beloved dogs all the more. I know I can't control anyone but me,not even my grown kids.</p><p></p><p>3. I now refuse to hang around anyone, even a child, who disrespects me. I have to love myself to be happy. And I am VERY happy, even without him and some other abusive people from my family of origin. I won't let anyone take my happiness from me.</p><p></p><p>4. I am very spiritual. Not in organized religion but I believe Source, the Universe, has my back and that everything in this particular life, good and bad, is a lesson to help my soul evolve. This helps me. I think even hugging a tree for real is help, at least to me. It's positive energy.</p><p></p><p>4. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Eat well. Sleep well. Get involved in activities. Do not obsess. It doesn't help and takes away from your other loved ones and friends.</p><p></p><p>I have never seen the kids of the son who left us. But I have two other grands. That is who is in my life, I love them so, I accept what I can not change. I will never grovel again. Never. All it did was make this son and his wife laugh at me and deny me access.</p><p></p><p>5. Build a support system of folks who do love you if you don't have one. Join a singing or dancing group or any type of group. Common interests form bonds.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry your daughter is treating you poorly. It is up to you how much you want to put up with. No matter what you decide, you can still live a happy fulfilled life. Honest you can. I would not beg and plead. That does not work!!!</p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 733369, member: 1550"] I feel for you. We adopted a six year old adorable, smart boy from another country and he never bonded.....even asked his adopted sister to marry him??! She told him where to go and what to do when he got there because SHE understood he was her brother and that it was gross. Once he actually got married he disappeared and it took two years of intensive therapy to grieve his loss (just like a death only he is still alive). It was a grieving process though Some adult kids are not nice. It is usually parents who gave their kids all and kids who were never abused and we never find out what we did. I am not sure that THEY know. You have no idea if your daughter is nice to everyone but you. Here are ways I got over my son's leaving. And he left the entire family. 1. Therapy with an amazing man who understood attachment in adopted kids. Your daughter isn't adopted...was there a major break of a major caregiver in her first five years? Nasty divorce? Foster care? Change of major caregivers? Abuse that she saw? If not this is probably just a not so endearing part of her personality. Is her father in the picture? If not is he a nasty man? Personality is partly inherited. The point is, you probably did nothing to deserve this. 2. I have four other kids who are amazing. I started counting my blessings and embracing the good in my life, appreciating my loving kids and my husband and even beloved dogs all the more. I know I can't control anyone but me,not even my grown kids. 3. I now refuse to hang around anyone, even a child, who disrespects me. I have to love myself to be happy. And I am VERY happy, even without him and some other abusive people from my family of origin. I won't let anyone take my happiness from me. 4. I am very spiritual. Not in organized religion but I believe Source, the Universe, has my back and that everything in this particular life, good and bad, is a lesson to help my soul evolve. This helps me. I think even hugging a tree for real is help, at least to me. It's positive energy. 4. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Eat well. Sleep well. Get involved in activities. Do not obsess. It doesn't help and takes away from your other loved ones and friends. I have never seen the kids of the son who left us. But I have two other grands. That is who is in my life, I love them so, I accept what I can not change. I will never grovel again. Never. All it did was make this son and his wife laugh at me and deny me access. 5. Build a support system of folks who do love you if you don't have one. Join a singing or dancing group or any type of group. Common interests form bonds. I am sorry your daughter is treating you poorly. It is up to you how much you want to put up with. No matter what you decide, you can still live a happy fulfilled life. Honest you can. I would not beg and plead. That does not work!!! Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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