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Substance Abuse
She says she's ready ...so how do I help?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743290" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You have planted seeds. She sounds very smart. Not wise, but smart.</p><p>Her main motivation might have been to connect with you, and she knows the magic words. She needed you, a dose of you, because she felt vulnerable and afraid. Like my own son, she knows that the most powerful magic word is "treatment." Now she does not, for whatever reason need another fix of you. But she will again.</p><p></p><p>I think this is very, very hard. Because I wonder if she ever really contemplated treatment. She needed a fix of you, of mother. That may have been all she needed. It was momentary and transient. I think this will be important for you to remember. Because it is all too easy to feel like we are responsible for the result. And we are not. She may never have wanted treatment, not even for two seconds. What she wanted was you.</p><p></p><p>But one day she may not want treatment, but have no other option, and she will do it.</p><p></p><p>There were still positives that came from this, I think. I think you will remember for next time. There will be a next time. You have a list. It will be a more mechanical procedure next time, because you have thought it through and you have a toolbox. You will prompt her to her options, and you will know that it has not one thing to do with you and what you do. But you will have thought through what you could do, and what you are willing to do, or not. But you will not put forth the same degree of wanting on your part, because it is to expose yourself to hurt and disappointment.</p><p></p><p>I have hope for her. But it sounds like she will not come to this on her own. She will have to be dumped. Or worse, jailed or something else. Her lifestyle seems to be working for her. How very, very painful.</p><p></p><p>I am very sorry. But I am not sorry she called you. I am not sorry she has you. I am not sorry you were there for her. I am just sorry it did not work. This time. </p><p></p><p>Who knows when next time will come? It could be tomorrow. It could be next week. We really do not know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743290, member: 18958"] You have planted seeds. She sounds very smart. Not wise, but smart. Her main motivation might have been to connect with you, and she knows the magic words. She needed you, a dose of you, because she felt vulnerable and afraid. Like my own son, she knows that the most powerful magic word is "treatment." Now she does not, for whatever reason need another fix of you. But she will again. I think this is very, very hard. Because I wonder if she ever really contemplated treatment. She needed a fix of you, of mother. That may have been all she needed. It was momentary and transient. I think this will be important for you to remember. Because it is all too easy to feel like we are responsible for the result. And we are not. She may never have wanted treatment, not even for two seconds. What she wanted was you. But one day she may not want treatment, but have no other option, and she will do it. There were still positives that came from this, I think. I think you will remember for next time. There will be a next time. You have a list. It will be a more mechanical procedure next time, because you have thought it through and you have a toolbox. You will prompt her to her options, and you will know that it has not one thing to do with you and what you do. But you will have thought through what you could do, and what you are willing to do, or not. But you will not put forth the same degree of wanting on your part, because it is to expose yourself to hurt and disappointment. I have hope for her. But it sounds like she will not come to this on her own. She will have to be dumped. Or worse, jailed or something else. Her lifestyle seems to be working for her. How very, very painful. I am very sorry. But I am not sorry she called you. I am not sorry she has you. I am not sorry you were there for her. I am just sorry it did not work. This time. Who knows when next time will come? It could be tomorrow. It could be next week. We really do not know. [/QUOTE]
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She says she's ready ...so how do I help?
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