Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
She says she's ready ...so how do I help?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 743322" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Oh, SWOT, I'm not offended! I know you have a lot of experience here. I strongly suspect Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and have for some time. Biomom was (is) a serious alcoholic and S was her third and last. Biomom had pretty much given up the pretense of trying to be sober for the pregnancy by then, as far as I know. Unfortunately, their dad was not a believer in testing or services - he was offended by the suggestion that anything might be "wrong" with any of his kids and did not trust psychiatrists or counselors. And the school system was no help. So I felt completely blocked and gave up - I didn't actually have legal authority to push for any further testing since I wasn't able to formally adopt them. But not getting her into real testing and services is one of my great regrets. I think it could have made a huge difference to her. And as you say, now it's really too late. She won't go, would probably be hurt or offended by the suggestion that "something is wrong with her brain", and we don't have a paperwork trail with a childhood diagnosis to use for SSI application or anything like that. So we're muddling through on the symptoms and behaviors we have in front of us now. </p><p></p><p>But she has always presented a constellation of symptoms and issues that strongly suggested some kind of in utero damage to me. Growth problems (she was on growth hormone for a number of years). Hearing problems. Gastrointestinal issues. A congenital tremor. Learning problems. Subtle facial differences. Social problems. IQ testing put her somewhere between 80-85, which is low end of normal, but I'm not sure how meaningful those numbers are. It wasn't low enough to qualify her for any help and her learning problems were attributed to lower IQ rather than a defined learning disability that would qualify her for an IEP. But I worked with her on homework for years and it never felt right to me. She's not slow overall. She can be quite intuitive about some things. Some things just don't click for her - she doesn't think in quite the same way. And of course the mental health issues - volatile moods, anger issues, impulse control issues, an inability to adjust to new situations or change. </p><p></p><p>When she was little she used to have terrible night terrors, screaming bloody murder and standing up stiffly with her eyes wide open but not awake and not able to be woken. She could scream like that for 15-20 minutes before we could rouse her and calm her down. (We were not popular apartment neighbors during this period). She was the kid who had to be peeled off my knees screaming every day for weeks at preschool and kindergarten drop off. I remember driving her home from school about three weeks into second grade and asking how school was going. There was a long pause and she finally said in this tiny voice, "Well, I usually stop crying after lunch, because I know it's almost over." I was so upset, I called her teacher that night and asked "has my child been crying every day until lunch? When were you going to tell me?" Her teacher said, "yes, she does that, but I'm sure she'll adjust soon, I gave her a little chair in the corner where she can calm herself down." I'm crying now thinking about it again. All the signs have been there since the start, and no one helped her. I did my best but I'm not a professional and it wasn't enough. I was blocked on all sides from getting professional services by her dad on one side and the school district on the other. They just didn't want to pay for SPED services for any more kids than they had to, in my opinion. </p><p></p><p>And now here we are. It makes me want to scream. She's a life. She counts. We owed her better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 743322, member: 23349"] Oh, SWOT, I'm not offended! I know you have a lot of experience here. I strongly suspect Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and have for some time. Biomom was (is) a serious alcoholic and S was her third and last. Biomom had pretty much given up the pretense of trying to be sober for the pregnancy by then, as far as I know. Unfortunately, their dad was not a believer in testing or services - he was offended by the suggestion that anything might be "wrong" with any of his kids and did not trust psychiatrists or counselors. And the school system was no help. So I felt completely blocked and gave up - I didn't actually have legal authority to push for any further testing since I wasn't able to formally adopt them. But not getting her into real testing and services is one of my great regrets. I think it could have made a huge difference to her. And as you say, now it's really too late. She won't go, would probably be hurt or offended by the suggestion that "something is wrong with her brain", and we don't have a paperwork trail with a childhood diagnosis to use for SSI application or anything like that. So we're muddling through on the symptoms and behaviors we have in front of us now. But she has always presented a constellation of symptoms and issues that strongly suggested some kind of in utero damage to me. Growth problems (she was on growth hormone for a number of years). Hearing problems. Gastrointestinal issues. A congenital tremor. Learning problems. Subtle facial differences. Social problems. IQ testing put her somewhere between 80-85, which is low end of normal, but I'm not sure how meaningful those numbers are. It wasn't low enough to qualify her for any help and her learning problems were attributed to lower IQ rather than a defined learning disability that would qualify her for an IEP. But I worked with her on homework for years and it never felt right to me. She's not slow overall. She can be quite intuitive about some things. Some things just don't click for her - she doesn't think in quite the same way. And of course the mental health issues - volatile moods, anger issues, impulse control issues, an inability to adjust to new situations or change. When she was little she used to have terrible night terrors, screaming bloody murder and standing up stiffly with her eyes wide open but not awake and not able to be woken. She could scream like that for 15-20 minutes before we could rouse her and calm her down. (We were not popular apartment neighbors during this period). She was the kid who had to be peeled off my knees screaming every day for weeks at preschool and kindergarten drop off. I remember driving her home from school about three weeks into second grade and asking how school was going. There was a long pause and she finally said in this tiny voice, "Well, I usually stop crying after lunch, because I know it's almost over." I was so upset, I called her teacher that night and asked "has my child been crying every day until lunch? When were you going to tell me?" Her teacher said, "yes, she does that, but I'm sure she'll adjust soon, I gave her a little chair in the corner where she can calm herself down." I'm crying now thinking about it again. All the signs have been there since the start, and no one helped her. I did my best but I'm not a professional and it wasn't enough. I was blocked on all sides from getting professional services by her dad on one side and the school district on the other. They just didn't want to pay for SPED services for any more kids than they had to, in my opinion. And now here we are. It makes me want to scream. She's a life. She counts. We owed her better. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
She says she's ready ...so how do I help?
Top