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Substance Abuse
Should I confront my son??
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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 702324" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Worried. I am so sorry for your pain. I believe you've gotten good advice here and I know how hard it is to detach. </p><p>We have the same relationship with our 29 y.o. son-rare contact for the last 8 mo. since he was made to leave our home due to drug use. That is alright and has to be for my sanity. We now text him every 4 wks. or so and take homemade dinner to him (he lives in apartment with ex girlfriend and friends 20 min. from us). </p><p> The phone was the last thing we quit helping pay for and I worried about how he would contact us if needed. But no problem, he got a "government" phone, occasional trac phone or borrows. We stopped social media, I do miss it with our other children and family but the pain was too great. I also realized that for me, checking up on his life on FB was no different than tossing his room for drugs in the past. A painful way to simply reinforce what I already knew. Why put myself through that again? </p><p> When we see him on our 15 min. visits he looks ok, we have long ago realized we can't possibly KNOW if he's still using. We assume he is whenever he has $ to do so. It just plays in our heads, it really doesn't matter at this point because all the words have been said over and over.</p><p>He knows beyond a doubt that we want better for him, we know beyond a doubt that HE must want better for him. There is a freedom I couldn't have thought possible just to have stopped the money trail. I knew in my heart our paying his way just helped him buy drugs and that was the only thought that touched my broken heart last winter. It was the only fact that kept me from rescuing when he lived in flophouse with no heat, no electric, no water, other users. I was just so afraid that if we didn't help, he'd get worse. </p><p> Know what? He's not worse-he's not better- but we are so much better. Stepping out of his drama cycle has saved us. I pray everyday that he will save him.</p><p>Here's hoping you can find the strength to step back. I get it. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 702324, member: 20054"] Hi Worried. I am so sorry for your pain. I believe you've gotten good advice here and I know how hard it is to detach. We have the same relationship with our 29 y.o. son-rare contact for the last 8 mo. since he was made to leave our home due to drug use. That is alright and has to be for my sanity. We now text him every 4 wks. or so and take homemade dinner to him (he lives in apartment with ex girlfriend and friends 20 min. from us). The phone was the last thing we quit helping pay for and I worried about how he would contact us if needed. But no problem, he got a "government" phone, occasional trac phone or borrows. We stopped social media, I do miss it with our other children and family but the pain was too great. I also realized that for me, checking up on his life on FB was no different than tossing his room for drugs in the past. A painful way to simply reinforce what I already knew. Why put myself through that again? When we see him on our 15 min. visits he looks ok, we have long ago realized we can't possibly KNOW if he's still using. We assume he is whenever he has $ to do so. It just plays in our heads, it really doesn't matter at this point because all the words have been said over and over. He knows beyond a doubt that we want better for him, we know beyond a doubt that HE must want better for him. There is a freedom I couldn't have thought possible just to have stopped the money trail. I knew in my heart our paying his way just helped him buy drugs and that was the only thought that touched my broken heart last winter. It was the only fact that kept me from rescuing when he lived in flophouse with no heat, no electric, no water, other users. I was just so afraid that if we didn't help, he'd get worse. Know what? He's not worse-he's not better- but we are so much better. Stepping out of his drama cycle has saved us. I pray everyday that he will save him. Here's hoping you can find the strength to step back. I get it. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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Should I confront my son??
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