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Should I force him?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 643333" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This isn't about you. He wasn't alive to see it. Don't feel bad or beat yourself up. He is making a decision to be irresponsible, independent of you and he's doing it mostly because he can. And also because he lacks the natural drive most older teens and young twenties have to become independent. You know how THAT feels. You did it. You were allowed to do it.</p><p></p><p>Your son isn't only 21. He's 21. Most young adults his age have completed or are completing college, or work full time and many have moved out and are independent, or they are fighting for our country. I was married!!! I realize that is young, but the point is your son is a man not a teenager in high school. Did he graduate? </p><p></p><p>I don't believe parents of adults can force their children to do anything, but you can set boundaries, if you feel your kid is a failture-to-launch kid. He is too old in my opinion to be just hanging around with his friends and going to parties, maybe doing drugs and drinking, not paying rent, and sitting around. You may have been allowed to do it, but do you think it was good parenting? What if you hadn't decided to get your life in order?</p><p></p><p>You can, if you are so inclined, tell him that he has six months to get a full time job and pay rent and start paying for his own cell phone, car insurance, gas, health insurance, food, and give you $250 a month for rent (which is cheaper than it is out there). If he refuses, you can wish him good luck and force him to leave. Many of us have done that. If you don't want to, your other alternative is to let him do what he is doing, which is nothing with no motivation to change. My house was different. My kids worked part-time by age sixteen and the money train cut off at eighteen if you were not in college. You worked or you were bored out of your skull with no car, no toys, and you shopped for clothes at garage sales. That's how I felt so there is no way your son would still be at home doing nothing if he had me for a parent so I guess he's lucky...lol. With us, the harder you try, the more we help. If you don't try, you are bored. My kids all paid their own part of the car insurance, gas, and for their own name brand clothes by sixteen. We weren't rich and if they wanted to shop upscale, they had no choice but to earn it and they did it with pretty good nature, even my difficult child.</p><p></p><p>It worked though. I have had problems, but all of my adult kids are hard working and independent. One has autism and still works part time, gets disability, and has his own apartment where he pays his own rent and electric and cable and netflix. He doesn't drive. He takes cabs all over, as he allowed to do because of his autism.</p><p></p><p>You have to think hard and make good choices that are things you can live with. I would have felt negligent if I had a man your son's age doing the things kids do in middle school. It just wouldn't be allowed under my roof. We are all different.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and keep posting. Others will come along.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 643333, member: 1550"] This isn't about you. He wasn't alive to see it. Don't feel bad or beat yourself up. He is making a decision to be irresponsible, independent of you and he's doing it mostly because he can. And also because he lacks the natural drive most older teens and young twenties have to become independent. You know how THAT feels. You did it. You were allowed to do it. Your son isn't only 21. He's 21. Most young adults his age have completed or are completing college, or work full time and many have moved out and are independent, or they are fighting for our country. I was married!!! I realize that is young, but the point is your son is a man not a teenager in high school. Did he graduate? I don't believe parents of adults can force their children to do anything, but you can set boundaries, if you feel your kid is a failture-to-launch kid. He is too old in my opinion to be just hanging around with his friends and going to parties, maybe doing drugs and drinking, not paying rent, and sitting around. You may have been allowed to do it, but do you think it was good parenting? What if you hadn't decided to get your life in order? You can, if you are so inclined, tell him that he has six months to get a full time job and pay rent and start paying for his own cell phone, car insurance, gas, health insurance, food, and give you $250 a month for rent (which is cheaper than it is out there). If he refuses, you can wish him good luck and force him to leave. Many of us have done that. If you don't want to, your other alternative is to let him do what he is doing, which is nothing with no motivation to change. My house was different. My kids worked part-time by age sixteen and the money train cut off at eighteen if you were not in college. You worked or you were bored out of your skull with no car, no toys, and you shopped for clothes at garage sales. That's how I felt so there is no way your son would still be at home doing nothing if he had me for a parent so I guess he's lucky...lol. With us, the harder you try, the more we help. If you don't try, you are bored. My kids all paid their own part of the car insurance, gas, and for their own name brand clothes by sixteen. We weren't rich and if they wanted to shop upscale, they had no choice but to earn it and they did it with pretty good nature, even my difficult child. It worked though. I have had problems, but all of my adult kids are hard working and independent. One has autism and still works part time, gets disability, and has his own apartment where he pays his own rent and electric and cable and netflix. He doesn't drive. He takes cabs all over, as he allowed to do because of his autism. You have to think hard and make good choices that are things you can live with. I would have felt negligent if I had a man your son's age doing the things kids do in middle school. It just wouldn't be allowed under my roof. We are all different. Good luck and keep posting. Others will come along. [/QUOTE]
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