We have problems with my five-year-old daughter. I'm not sure if I should get her help or whether she will grow out of it. I would appreciate any input the people on this board have as to whether we should see someone and what type of person we should see.
My daughter sees a lot of the world as unfair to her. She often thinks her younger brother is getting a better deal than she is, even when we've taken pains to give her the better deal. She will often get angry about her brother, screaming, yelling, destroying things of his and hitting, scratching or kicking my husband and me. We try to put her in time-out but she is defiant and just runs back out and continues the disruptive behavior. We don't know what to do in these instances when she is coming after us hitting us or her brother. Yelling at her has no effect. The only thing that makes a difference is when we threaten to tell her teacher about it. Then she usually cries and starts the recovery process. But often the crying goes on for a long time. Once she starts crying she can't get herself out of it. She is well-behaved in school.
We also have trouble taking her on outings, like picnics, trips to the zoo, etc, because she will have meltdowns where she sits on the ground crying and refuses to go anywhere. If we pick her up she screams and kicks. She often fights getting in her car seat. For this reason, we rarely take the kids places. Often these meltdowns are tied to some perception that we've favored her brother.
She also has a tendency to be very loud, speaking loudly, screaming, and completely dominating her younger brother to the point where he can't say or do anything. I worry about the effects of her domineering on him. She also goes through periods where she will willfully try to press our buttons, by throwing food, knocking things over or otherwise doing things she knows she's not supposed to do. My husband and I are pretty placid people but she can make both of us get very angry. She knows how to be bad and she seems to be aiming for that.
Often she seems unhappy or depressed. I always ask her if it's okay to give her a hug or touch her because she will pull away sometimes. She is extremely sensitive to criticism. If we, for example, ask her to not write on the coffee table she will break into tears. She refuses to do bedtime and will often fall asleep in different parts of the house. We've tried again and again to get bedtime to work because we know she needs her sleep but she just isn't having it.
On the good side, she does well in school. Previously she was very shy and wouldn't interact with other kids. Now she seems much more confident with the kids she knows. She has made a good friend in one of the other girls. She is able to concentrate for long periods of time, usually drawing. She previously had bad fears of dogs and water but in the past year she has overcome both of these. She used to go up in the play structure at school and spend a long time growling at the other kids. She no longer does that. She also used to masturbate a lot at school. I'm pretty sure she has stopped doing that at school. Last year, we had to keep her home on Tuesdays and Thursdays because two consecutive days of school was too much for her, she would be in a constant state of meltdown. Now she can handle five days.
So we are happy for some of the improvements but at the same time, the aggression towards us has gotten worse. She is starting kindergarten at a new school in August and I worry about that transition. In general, she seems to spend a lot of time crying, angry or being willfully disruptive. One thing that always works to settle her down is the iPad cartoons. She will immediately quiet down. If allowed, she will spend all day watching cartoons on the iPad. We try to limit the iPad because we don't want it to become a reward for bad behavior but about twice a week she is being so awful and we are so exhausted that we do give it to her.
I'm curious if anyone on here has any thoughts. I often express to the pediatrician at our annual visits that we can't handle her and we need help, even if it's just a support group for us. My husband worries that she will get a label as having mental health issues, but at the same time he acknowledges that we need help knowing how to deal with her. It feels like we spend so much of our time dealing with her negative emotions and never get to have fun as a family. Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I'm sorry this is so long - thanks for reading!
My daughter sees a lot of the world as unfair to her. She often thinks her younger brother is getting a better deal than she is, even when we've taken pains to give her the better deal. She will often get angry about her brother, screaming, yelling, destroying things of his and hitting, scratching or kicking my husband and me. We try to put her in time-out but she is defiant and just runs back out and continues the disruptive behavior. We don't know what to do in these instances when she is coming after us hitting us or her brother. Yelling at her has no effect. The only thing that makes a difference is when we threaten to tell her teacher about it. Then she usually cries and starts the recovery process. But often the crying goes on for a long time. Once she starts crying she can't get herself out of it. She is well-behaved in school.
We also have trouble taking her on outings, like picnics, trips to the zoo, etc, because she will have meltdowns where she sits on the ground crying and refuses to go anywhere. If we pick her up she screams and kicks. She often fights getting in her car seat. For this reason, we rarely take the kids places. Often these meltdowns are tied to some perception that we've favored her brother.
She also has a tendency to be very loud, speaking loudly, screaming, and completely dominating her younger brother to the point where he can't say or do anything. I worry about the effects of her domineering on him. She also goes through periods where she will willfully try to press our buttons, by throwing food, knocking things over or otherwise doing things she knows she's not supposed to do. My husband and I are pretty placid people but she can make both of us get very angry. She knows how to be bad and she seems to be aiming for that.
Often she seems unhappy or depressed. I always ask her if it's okay to give her a hug or touch her because she will pull away sometimes. She is extremely sensitive to criticism. If we, for example, ask her to not write on the coffee table she will break into tears. She refuses to do bedtime and will often fall asleep in different parts of the house. We've tried again and again to get bedtime to work because we know she needs her sleep but she just isn't having it.
On the good side, she does well in school. Previously she was very shy and wouldn't interact with other kids. Now she seems much more confident with the kids she knows. She has made a good friend in one of the other girls. She is able to concentrate for long periods of time, usually drawing. She previously had bad fears of dogs and water but in the past year she has overcome both of these. She used to go up in the play structure at school and spend a long time growling at the other kids. She no longer does that. She also used to masturbate a lot at school. I'm pretty sure she has stopped doing that at school. Last year, we had to keep her home on Tuesdays and Thursdays because two consecutive days of school was too much for her, she would be in a constant state of meltdown. Now she can handle five days.
So we are happy for some of the improvements but at the same time, the aggression towards us has gotten worse. She is starting kindergarten at a new school in August and I worry about that transition. In general, she seems to spend a lot of time crying, angry or being willfully disruptive. One thing that always works to settle her down is the iPad cartoons. She will immediately quiet down. If allowed, she will spend all day watching cartoons on the iPad. We try to limit the iPad because we don't want it to become a reward for bad behavior but about twice a week she is being so awful and we are so exhausted that we do give it to her.
I'm curious if anyone on here has any thoughts. I often express to the pediatrician at our annual visits that we can't handle her and we need help, even if it's just a support group for us. My husband worries that she will get a label as having mental health issues, but at the same time he acknowledges that we need help knowing how to deal with her. It feels like we spend so much of our time dealing with her negative emotions and never get to have fun as a family. Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I'm sorry this is so long - thanks for reading!
