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<blockquote data-quote="Hopeful parent" data-source="post: 758710" data-attributes="member: 21585"><p>Hi Newstart, I understand what you mean in the above thread. I feel the same way about my son's partner. I have two other children besides my problem son, whose partners over the years, some I have liked, some I have not. But I have always treated them with respect and not interfered in any of their relationships. I am still on good terms with my problem son's ex wife and my daughters ex husband. The problem is that the partner my son is with now is TOXIC, toxic to the point it is contributing to his downfall (I'm not excluding him from the blame either, he chooses this life), it is also toxic for me and my family. They drag us into their problems. We don't go looking for it. So I understand exactly why you feel as you do about her partner. It is not a normal relationship if they are using drugs together and living a toxic life together, and you mentioned in the top thread they want you dead to get your will. This is dangerous. I think this is an entirely different situation to the normal feeling of not liking your daughters choice in a mate. I hope you can find the strength to detach from them and find some happiness for yourself. I always find strength in reading books on detachment and selfcare etc and Al-Anon books. I think about my son's problems all the time. This is where the problem becomes mine, not his. This is where we need to stop. I use distraction techniques now when I start to rehash it all in my mind over and over again until I am just about crazy. I have enrolled in an online anxiety and stress course which is run by one of the top hospitals in Australia. It has good techniques for solving problems. One is if you can't solve a problem then you need to develop ways to distract yourself from the problem. Another exercise is to go 'happy hunting' where each day you try and find atleast 3 or 4 good things that have happened in your day, seek them out and find them and write them down everyday. Sorry if I am rambling but just trying to give you ideas on ways I am using to try and help myself recover from the terrible events that are in our lives at the moment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hopeful parent, post: 758710, member: 21585"] Hi Newstart, I understand what you mean in the above thread. I feel the same way about my son's partner. I have two other children besides my problem son, whose partners over the years, some I have liked, some I have not. But I have always treated them with respect and not interfered in any of their relationships. I am still on good terms with my problem son's ex wife and my daughters ex husband. The problem is that the partner my son is with now is TOXIC, toxic to the point it is contributing to his downfall (I'm not excluding him from the blame either, he chooses this life), it is also toxic for me and my family. They drag us into their problems. We don't go looking for it. So I understand exactly why you feel as you do about her partner. It is not a normal relationship if they are using drugs together and living a toxic life together, and you mentioned in the top thread they want you dead to get your will. This is dangerous. I think this is an entirely different situation to the normal feeling of not liking your daughters choice in a mate. I hope you can find the strength to detach from them and find some happiness for yourself. I always find strength in reading books on detachment and selfcare etc and Al-Anon books. I think about my son's problems all the time. This is where the problem becomes mine, not his. This is where we need to stop. I use distraction techniques now when I start to rehash it all in my mind over and over again until I am just about crazy. I have enrolled in an online anxiety and stress course which is run by one of the top hospitals in Australia. It has good techniques for solving problems. One is if you can't solve a problem then you need to develop ways to distract yourself from the problem. Another exercise is to go 'happy hunting' where each day you try and find atleast 3 or 4 good things that have happened in your day, seek them out and find them and write them down everyday. Sorry if I am rambling but just trying to give you ideas on ways I am using to try and help myself recover from the terrible events that are in our lives at the moment. [/QUOTE]
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