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Family of Origin
Singing the Bones: Recovering the Self
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664050" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Cedar, this thread is dovetailing into the Precepts thread.</p><p>Remember what I wrote about how cultures interpreted experience differently according to values, and environment and common experience?</p><p></p><p>If this is the case, why would it not be so with our children?</p><p></p><p>If we respect each other, and other cultures (cultural relativism) can we decide to respect our children, as they embody another expression of another culture that is not our own.</p><p></p><p>We keep railing and ranting from an ethnocentric perspective: Mine is better. Think and be and become according to the better way. Me, mine. There is a narcissistic rage in this. A fit.</p><p></p><p>I am having a fit. That my son is not becoming the me, that I needed to be. In order to ward off my sense of inadequacy, shame, powerlessness and marginality.</p><p></p><p>And my son seeks that very state I warded off and which I ran from.</p><p></p><p>Out damned spot. It is like Vivienne Leigh's compulsive hand-washing and glove wearing. Nothing will make go away that sense of being dirty and out of control. And that is what our children's choices...keep doing to us. Except it is not a question of gloves or hand-washing.</p><p></p><p>Because they will not give us the gloves to wash. And they insist on rolling around in the mud. So it is not just dirty hands. It is the red sleeping bag flailing in my son's arms like a flag in my moderately upscale neighborhood. Calling the ambulance because he has a boil.</p><p></p><p>That red sleeping bag flag...what is it? Is it a caste marker? Is it menstrual blood seeped through my skirt? Is it my self?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664050, member: 18958"] Cedar, this thread is dovetailing into the Precepts thread. Remember what I wrote about how cultures interpreted experience differently according to values, and environment and common experience? If this is the case, why would it not be so with our children? If we respect each other, and other cultures (cultural relativism) can we decide to respect our children, as they embody another expression of another culture that is not our own. We keep railing and ranting from an ethnocentric perspective: Mine is better. Think and be and become according to the better way. Me, mine. There is a narcissistic rage in this. A fit. I am having a fit. That my son is not becoming the me, that I needed to be. In order to ward off my sense of inadequacy, shame, powerlessness and marginality. And my son seeks that very state I warded off and which I ran from. Out damned spot. It is like Vivienne Leigh's compulsive hand-washing and glove wearing. Nothing will make go away that sense of being dirty and out of control. And that is what our children's choices...keep doing to us. Except it is not a question of gloves or hand-washing. Because they will not give us the gloves to wash. And they insist on rolling around in the mud. So it is not just dirty hands. It is the red sleeping bag flailing in my son's arms like a flag in my moderately upscale neighborhood. Calling the ambulance because he has a boil. That red sleeping bag flag...what is it? Is it a caste marker? Is it menstrual blood seeped through my skirt? Is it my self? [/QUOTE]
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