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Family of Origin
Singing the Bones: Recovering the Self
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664077" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>No. I am saying that he has seemed to be exploring it. Homelessness, or living near the street. Flirting with drug use, or more. Neglecting his health. Not working. Untreated mental illness. Undisciplined and chaotic. Selfish. Self-centered.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I meant that my son sees himself and acts like a martyr. As somebody singled out to suffer. As somebody who is marked, as bad or defective. He sees his parents as marking him. He feels great shame that his parents lived so marginally. He rages against them. He feels them to have been as if garbage. He has no compassion or forgiveness for them. And yet makes some of the same choices. It seems he does so on purpose.</p><p>I had not thought of that but it makes sense.</p><p></p><p>A sort of spiritual test or ritual of initiation: To see or not if this is who he is destined to be. If this is who he is. Like a trial by fire. To see if he survives.</p><p>Yes. I have a lot of guilt because I told him. That is what the experts (and the psychiatrist) said at the time was the best thing to do. But, I thought at the time it was too.</p><p></p><p>Everybody deserves the truth of their own story. I guess at the base of that is the belief that he will master it and be bigger than he would of. But that presumes, he survives the coming to grips with it,</p><p></p><p>On one level it was good I did, because the Hepatitis B emerged. How could I have explained that away with more lies.</p><p></p><p>There was a family next door when I was little. Both children were adopted. The parents lied to them. My mother had told me. Stupid. I told the child. All hell broke loose.</p><p></p><p>And to have hidden it, would have seemed like there was something shameful or hidden. That I did not want.</p><p></p><p>But I get criticized for it. Why did you tell him that?</p><p>But the thing is PASA, lots of kids are following in his footsteps, and they are not related to your ex.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664077, member: 18958"] No. I am saying that he has seemed to be exploring it. Homelessness, or living near the street. Flirting with drug use, or more. Neglecting his health. Not working. Untreated mental illness. Undisciplined and chaotic. Selfish. Self-centered. Cedar, I meant that my son sees himself and acts like a martyr. As somebody singled out to suffer. As somebody who is marked, as bad or defective. He sees his parents as marking him. He feels great shame that his parents lived so marginally. He rages against them. He feels them to have been as if garbage. He has no compassion or forgiveness for them. And yet makes some of the same choices. It seems he does so on purpose. I had not thought of that but it makes sense. A sort of spiritual test or ritual of initiation: To see or not if this is who he is destined to be. If this is who he is. Like a trial by fire. To see if he survives. Yes. I have a lot of guilt because I told him. That is what the experts (and the psychiatrist) said at the time was the best thing to do. But, I thought at the time it was too. Everybody deserves the truth of their own story. I guess at the base of that is the belief that he will master it and be bigger than he would of. But that presumes, he survives the coming to grips with it, On one level it was good I did, because the Hepatitis B emerged. How could I have explained that away with more lies. There was a family next door when I was little. Both children were adopted. The parents lied to them. My mother had told me. Stupid. I told the child. All hell broke loose. And to have hidden it, would have seemed like there was something shameful or hidden. That I did not want. But I get criticized for it. Why did you tell him that? But the thing is PASA, lots of kids are following in his footsteps, and they are not related to your ex. [/QUOTE]
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Singing the Bones: Recovering the Self
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